the-average-bright-young-man-who-is-drafted-hates-the-whole-business-because-an-army-always-tries-to-eliminate-the-individual-differences-in-men
computers-make-it-easier-to-do-a-lot-of-things-but-most-of-the-things-they-make-it-easier-to-do-dont-need-to-be-done
the-average-dog-is-a-nicer-person-than-the-average-person
people-will-generally-accept-facts-as-truth-only-if-the-facts-agree-with-what-they-already-believe
vegetarian-thats-an-old-indian-word-meaning-lousy-hunter
one-of-the-most-glorious-messes-in-the-world-is-the-mess-created-in-the-living-room-on-christmas-day-dont-clean-it-up-too-quickly
i-dislike-loudmouthed-patriots-who-think-they-like-our-country-more-than-i-do-some-peoples-idea-of-patriotism-is-hating-other-countries
the-505090-rule-anytime-you-have-a-5050-chance-of-getting-something-right-theres-a-90-probability-youll-get-it-wrong
phyllis-schlafly-speaks-for-all-american-women-who-oppose-equal-rights-for-themselves
the-biggest-seller-is-cookbooks-and-the-second-is-diet-books-how-not-to-eat-what-youve-just-learned-how-to-cook
anyone-who-lies-golf-on-television-would-enjoy-watching-the-grass-grow-on-the-greens
ive-learned-that-one-should-keep-his-words-both-soft-tender-because-tomorrow-he-may-have-to-eat-them-andy-rooney
half-cookbooks-tell-you-how-to-cook-food-other-half-tell-you-how-to-avoid-eating-it-andy-rooney
there-are-sixteen-cans-coffee-here-together-they-hold-total-thirteen-half-pounds-coffee-doesnt-that-seem-like-cheating-andy-rooney
it-is-possible-to-be-dumb-be-college-president-andy-rooney
most-college-students-are-not-as-smart-as-most-college-presidents-andy-rooney
im-already-suspicious-anyone-who-thinks-he-she-is-smart-enough-to-be-president-youd-have-to-have-some-ego-to-believe-that-about-yourself-andy-rooney
ive-learned-that-life-is-like-roll-toilet-paper-the-closer-it-gets-to-end-faster-it-goes-andy-rooney
ive-learned-that-life-is-tough-but-im-tougher-andy-rooney
its-ridiculous-for-country-to-get-all-worked-up-about-gameexcept-super-bowl-course-now-thats-important-andy-rooney
new-ideas-are-one-most-overrated-concepts-our-time-most-important-ideas-that-we-live-with-arent-new-at-all-andy-rooney
christians-talk-as-though-goodness-was-their-idea-but-good-behavior-doesnt-have-any-religious-origin-our-prisons-are-filled-with-devout-andy-rooney
id-be-more-willing-to-accept-religion-even-if-i-didnt-believe-it-if-i-thought-it-made-people-nicer-to-each-other-but-i-dont-think-it-does-andy-rooney
i-dont-differentiate-much-except-in-degree-between-people-who-believe-in-religion-from-those-who-believe-in-astrology-magic-supernatural-andy-rooney
its-just-amazing-how-long-this-country-has-been-going-to-hell-without-ever-having-got-there-andy-rooney
its-paradoxical-that-idea-living-long-life-appeals-to-everyone-but-idea-getting-old-doesnt-appeal-to-anyone-andy-rooney
the-505090-rule-anytime-you-have-5050-chance-getting-something-right-theres-90-probability-youll-get-it-wrong-andy-rooney
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Andy Rooney
yes-we-praise-women-over-40-for-multitude-reasons-unfortunately-its-not-reciprocal-for-every-stunning-smart-wellcoiffed-hot-woman-over-40-there-is-bald-paunchy-relic-in-yellow-pa
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One question in my mind, which I hardly dare mention in public, is whether patriotism has, overall, been a force for good or evil in the world. Patriotism is rampant in war and there are some good things about it. Just as self-respect and pride bring out the best in an individual, pride in family, pride in teammates, pride in hometown bring out the best in groups of people. War brings out the kind of pride in country that encourages its citizens in the direction of excellence and it encourages them to be ready to die for it. At no time do people work so well together to achieve the same goal as they do in wartime. Maybe that's enough to make patriotism eligible to be considered a virtue. If only I could get out of my mind the most patriotic people who ever lived, the Nazi Germans.
Andy Rooney
one-question-in-my-mind-which-i-hardly-dare-mention-in-public-is-whether-patriotism-has-overall-been-force-for-good-evil-in-world-patriotism-is-rampant-in-war-there-are-some-good
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ive-learned-that-opportunities-are-never-lost-someone-will-take-ones-you-miss-andy-rooney
best-classroom-in-world-is-at-feet-elderly-person-andy-rooney
everyone-wants-to-live-on-top-mountain-but-all-happiness-growth-occurs-while-youre-climbing-it-andy-rooney
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic... speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
Andy Rooney
did-you-ever-hear-one-those-corny-positive-messages-on-someones-answering-machine-hi-its-great-day-im-out-enjoying-it-right-now-i-hope-you-are-too-the-thought-for-day-is-share-lo
hear quotescorny quotespositive quotesmessages quotessomeones quotesanswering quotesmachine quoteshi quotesgreat quotesday quotesenjoying quoteshope quotesthought quotesshare quoteslove quotesbeep quotesuh quotesyeah quotesvd quotesclinic quotesspeaking quotespositive quotestest quotesback quotesstop quotessharing quotes
