the-average-bright-young-man-who-is-drafted-hates-the-whole-business-because-an-army-always-tries-to-eliminate-the-individual-differences-in-men
computers-make-it-easier-to-do-a-lot-of-things-but-most-of-the-things-they-make-it-easier-to-do-dont-need-to-be-done
the-average-dog-is-a-nicer-person-than-the-average-person
people-will-generally-accept-facts-as-truth-only-if-the-facts-agree-with-what-they-already-believe
vegetarian-thats-an-old-indian-word-meaning-lousy-hunter
one-of-the-most-glorious-messes-in-the-world-is-the-mess-created-in-the-living-room-on-christmas-day-dont-clean-it-up-too-quickly
i-dislike-loudmouthed-patriots-who-think-they-like-our-country-more-than-i-do-some-peoples-idea-of-patriotism-is-hating-other-countries
the-505090-rule-anytime-you-have-a-5050-chance-of-getting-something-right-theres-a-90-probability-youll-get-it-wrong
phyllis-schlafly-speaks-for-all-american-women-who-oppose-equal-rights-for-themselves
the-biggest-seller-is-cookbooks-and-the-second-is-diet-books-how-not-to-eat-what-youve-just-learned-how-to-cook
anyone-who-lies-golf-on-television-would-enjoy-watching-the-grass-grow-on-the-greens
ive-learned-that-one-should-keep-his-words-both-soft-tender-because-tomorrow-he-may-have-to-eat-them-andy-rooney
half-cookbooks-tell-you-how-to-cook-food-other-half-tell-you-how-to-avoid-eating-it-andy-rooney
there-are-sixteen-cans-coffee-here-together-they-hold-total-thirteen-half-pounds-coffee-doesnt-that-seem-like-cheating-andy-rooney
it-is-possible-to-be-dumb-be-college-president-andy-rooney
most-college-students-are-not-as-smart-as-most-college-presidents-andy-rooney
im-already-suspicious-anyone-who-thinks-he-she-is-smart-enough-to-be-president-youd-have-to-have-some-ego-to-believe-that-about-yourself-andy-rooney
ive-learned-that-life-is-like-roll-toilet-paper-the-closer-it-gets-to-end-faster-it-goes-andy-rooney
ive-learned-that-life-is-tough-but-im-tougher-andy-rooney
its-ridiculous-for-country-to-get-all-worked-up-about-gameexcept-super-bowl-course-now-thats-important-andy-rooney
new-ideas-are-one-most-overrated-concepts-our-time-most-important-ideas-that-we-live-with-arent-new-at-all-andy-rooney
christians-talk-as-though-goodness-was-their-idea-but-good-behavior-doesnt-have-any-religious-origin-our-prisons-are-filled-with-devout-andy-rooney
id-be-more-willing-to-accept-religion-even-if-i-didnt-believe-it-if-i-thought-it-made-people-nicer-to-each-other-but-i-dont-think-it-does-andy-rooney
i-dont-differentiate-much-except-in-degree-between-people-who-believe-in-religion-from-those-who-believe-in-astrology-magic-supernatural-andy-rooney
its-just-amazing-how-long-this-country-has-been-going-to-hell-without-ever-having-got-there-andy-rooney
its-paradoxical-that-idea-living-long-life-appeals-to-everyone-but-idea-getting-old-doesnt-appeal-to-anyone-andy-rooney
the-505090-rule-anytime-you-have-5050-chance-getting-something-right-theres-90-probability-youll-get-it-wrong-andy-rooney
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Andy Rooney
yes-we-praise-women-over-40-for-multitude-reasons-unfortunately-its-not-reciprocal-for-every-stunning-smart-wellcoiffed-hot-woman-over-40-there-is-bald-paunchy-relic-in-yellow-pa
praise quoteswomen quotes40 quotesmultitude quotesreasons quotesreciprocal quotesstunning quotessmart quoteswellcoiffed quoteshot quoteswoman quotes40 quotesbald quotespaunchy quotesrelic quotesyellow quotespants quotesmaking quotesfool quotes22year quoteswaitress quotesladies quotesapologize quotesmen quotesbuy quotescow quotesmilk quotesfree quotesupdate quotesnowadays quotes80 quotesmarriage quotesrealize quotesworth quotesbuying quotesentire quotespig quotessausage quotes
One question in my mind, which I hardly dare mention in public, is whether patriotism has, overall, been a force for good or evil in the world. Patriotism is rampant in war and there are some good things about it. Just as self-respect and pride bring out the best in an individual, pride in family, pride in teammates, pride in hometown bring out the best in groups of people. War brings out the kind of pride in country that encourages its citizens in the direction of excellence and it encourages them to be ready to die for it. At no time do people work so well together to achieve the same goal as they do in wartime. Maybe that's enough to make patriotism eligible to be considered a virtue. If only I could get out of my mind the most patriotic people who ever lived, the Nazi Germans.
Andy Rooney
one-question-in-my-mind-which-i-hardly-dare-mention-in-public-is-whether-patriotism-has-overall-been-force-for-good-evil-in-world-patriotism-is-rampant-in-war-there-are-some-good
question quotesmind quotesdare quotesmention quotespublic quotespatriotism quotesforce quotesgood quotesevil quotesworld quotespatriotism quotesrampant quoteswar quotesthings quotesselfrespect quotespride quotesbring quotesindividual quotesfamily quotesteammates quoteshometown quotesgroups quotespeople quoteswar quotesbrings quoteskind quotescountry quotesencourages quotescitizens quotesdirection quotesexcellence quotesready quotesdie quotestime quotespeople quoteswork quotesachieve quotesgoal quoteswartime quotesmake quoteseligible quotesconsidered quotesvirtue quotesmind quotespatriotic quoteslived quotesnazi quotesgermans quotes
ive-learned-that-opportunities-are-never-lost-someone-will-take-ones-you-miss-andy-rooney
best-classroom-in-world-is-at-feet-elderly-person-andy-rooney
everyone-wants-to-live-on-top-mountain-but-all-happiness-growth-occurs-while-youre-climbing-it-andy-rooney
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic... speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
Andy Rooney
did-you-ever-hear-one-those-corny-positive-messages-on-someones-answering-machine-hi-its-great-day-im-out-enjoying-it-right-now-i-hope-you-are-too-the-thought-for-day-is-share-lo
hear quotescorny quotespositive quotesmessages quotessomeones quotesanswering quotesmachine quoteshi quotesgreat quotesday quotesenjoying quoteshope quotesthought quotesshare quoteslove quotesbeep quotesuh quotesyeah quotesvd quotesclinic quotesspeaking quotespositive quotestest quotesback quotesstop quotessharing quotes
ive-learned-that-when-you-harbor-bitterness-happiness-will-dock-elsewhere-andy-rooney
vegetarian-indian-word-for-lousy-hunter-andy-rooney
ugly-is-popular-this-yeari-had-feeling-these-clothes-were-deigned-by-someone-who-didnt-like-women-andy-rooney
I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.
Andy Rooney
i-often-pass-farm-with-cows-grazing-in-field-i-think-to-myself-how-terrible-it-is-that-human-beings-grow-other-animals-just-to-kill-them-eat-them-andy-rooney
pass quotesfarm quotescows quotesgrazing quotesfield quotesterrible quoteshuman quotesbeings quotesgrow quotesanimals quoteskill quoteseat quotesvegetarians quotesnuts quotesvegetarian quotessurprised quotestime quotes50 quotes100 quotesyears quotescivilized quotespeople quotesrefused quotesanimals quotes
milk-without-fat-is-like-nonalcoholic-scotch-andy-rooney
when-there-are-starving-people-in-world-it-seems-wrong-that-many-us-americans-eat-as-much-for-entertainment-as-for-nourishment-andy-rooney
if-id-known-how-many-problems-i-was-going-to-run-into-before-i-finished-i-cant-remember-single-project-i-would-have-started-andy-rooney
we-arent-consistent-in-our-treatment-animals-andy-rooney
my-mother-always-called-me-sturdy-said-i-have-big-bones-a-little-fat-is-what-i-am-andy-rooney
ive-learned-that-you-should-never-say-no-to-gift-from-child-andy-rooney
The one affectation I have forced on the publisher ... are my apostrophe-free ellisions. Because I write my scripts to read myself, I dont spell 'don't' with an apostrophe. I spell it 'dont'. We all know the word and it seems foolish to put in an extraneous apostrophe. Punctuation marks are devices we use to make the meaning of sentences clear. There is nothing confusing about a word like 'dont' printed without an apostrophe to indicate an omitted letter.
Andy Rooney
the-one-affectation-i-have-forced-on-publisher-are-my-apostrophefree-ellisions-because-i-write-my-scripts-to-read-myself-i-dont-spell-dont-with-andy-rooney
affectation quotesforced quotespublisher quotesapostrophefree quotesellisions quoteswrite quotesscripts quotesread quotesdont quotesspell quotesdont quotesapostrophe quotesdont quotesword quotesfoolish quotesput quotesextraneous quotespunctuation quotesmarks quotesdevices quotesmake quotesmeaning quotessentences quotesclear quotesconfusing quotesdont quotesprinted quotesapostrophe quotesomitted quotesletter quotes
vegetarian-thats-old-indian-word-meaning-lousy-hunter-andy-rooney
dont-rule-out-working-with-your-hands-it-does-not-preclude-using-your-head-andy-rooney
anyone-who-watches-golf-on-television-would-enjoy-watching-grass-grow-on-greens-andy-rooney
i-just-wish-we-knew-little-less-about-his-urethra-little-more-about-his-arms-sales-to-iran-andy-rooney
as-old-reporter-we-have-few-secrets-first-thing-is-we-try-phone-book-andy-rooney
If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
Andy Rooney
if-you-dont-enjoy-getting-up-working-finishing-your-work-sitting-down-to-meal-with-family-friends-then-chances-are-youre-not-going-to-be-happy-andy-rooney
enjoy quotesworking quotesfinishing quoteswork quotessitting quotesmeal quotesfamily quotesfriends quoteschances quoteshappy quotesbases quoteshappiness quotesunhappiness quotesmajor quotesevents quotesgreat quotesjob quoteshuge quotesamounts quotesmoney quotesflawlessly quoteshappy quotesmarriage quotestrip quotesparis quotesperson quotestime quoteshand quotesdepends quotesgood quotesbreakfast quotesflowers quotesyard quotesdrink quotesnap quoteslive quotesbit quoteshappiness quotes
Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then set out to get all we can for ourselves by working hard for it, that things will be better for everyone. They are not insensitive to the poor, but tend to think the poor are impoverished because they won't work. They think there would be fewer of them to feel sorry for if the government did not encourage the proliferation of the least fit among us with welfare programs.
Andy Rooney
republicans-are-conservatives-who-think-it-would-be-best-if-we-faced-fact-that-people-are-no-damned-good-they-think-that-if-we-admit-that-we-have-andy-rooney
republicans quotesconservatives quotesfaced quotesfact quotespeople quotesdamned quotesgood quotesadmit quotesselfish quotesacquisitive quotesnatures quotesset quotesworking quoteshard quotesthings quotesinsensitive quotespoor quotestend quotespoor quotesimpoverished quoteswork quotesfewer quotesfeel quotesgovernment quotesencourage quotesproliferation quotesfit quoteswelfare quotesprograms quotes
creativity-is-byproduct-hard-work-if-i-never-have-another-really-new-idea-it-wont-matter-andy-rooney
the-dullest-olympic-sport-is-curling-whatever-curling-means-andy-rooney
We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
Andy Rooney
we-should-change-our-attitude-toward-united-nations-there-has-to-be-some-power-in-world-superior-to-our-own-we-should-not-have-attacked-iraq-without-andy-rooney
no-matter-what-any-grammar-teachers-say-punctuation-is-arbitrary-matter-it-should-be-used-to-make-sentences-clear-andy-rooney
before-kid-learns-how-to-use-computer-that-can-solve-mathematical-problems-he-she-should-know-how-to-do-arithmetic-without-computer-andy-rooney
anyone-should-be-suspicious-sentence-hes-written-that-cant-be-read-aloud-easily-andy-rooney
ive-learned-that-we-should-be-glad-god-doesnt-give-us-everything-we-ask-for-andy-rooney
all-economists-should-be-locked-up-until-they-admit-that-they-dont-know-what-theyre-talking-about-andy-rooney
In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.
Andy Rooney
in-united-states-alone-we-spend-seven-times-as-much-on-war-as-on-education-theres-something-wrong-there-on-this-memorial-day-we-should-certainly-andy-rooney
the-biggest-seller-is-cookbooks-second-is-diet-books-how-not-to-eat-what-youve-just-learned-how-to-cook-andy-rooney
the-english-language-is-more-complex-than-calculus-because-numbers-dont-have-nuances-andy-rooney
my-most-serious-character-flaw-is-that-i-dont-deny-myself-much-andy-rooney
