Bill Engvall Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men -Bill Engvall
If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute. -Bill Engvall
And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim! -Bill Engvall
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day. -Bill Engvall
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual. -Bill Engvall
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop. -Bill Engvall
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.' -Bill Engvall
I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process. -Bill Engvall
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door? -Bill Engvall
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others. -Bill Engvall
You can't climb a tile wall. -Bill Engvall
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me. -Bill Engvall
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work. -Bill Engvall
I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south. -Bill Engvall
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world. -Bill Engvall
I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies. -Bill Engvall
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family. -Bill Engvall
Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person. -Bill Engvall
Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list. -Bill Engvall
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