Bill Engvall Quotes

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Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men -Bill Engvall
thats-why-theyre-mans-best-friend-cause-guys-want-buddies-that-are-dumber-than-they-are-so-do-women-but-theyve-already-got-men-bill-engvall
If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute. -Bill Engvall
if-you-thought-stairway-to-heaven-was-long-song-dear-god-you-should-listen-to-it-played-on-lute-bill-engvall
And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim! -Bill Engvall
and-dont-put-rose-in-my-hand-put-slimjim-in-it-send-me-to-heaven-with-slimjim-bill-engvall
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day. -Bill Engvall
you-know-your-getting-older-when-you-lay-in-bed-til-10am-think-to-yourself-god-i-just-wasted-half-day-bill-engvall
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual. -Bill Engvall
the-human-brain-doesnt-come-with-instruction-manual-bill-engvall
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop. -Bill Engvall
to-all-companies-please-stop-using-xmas-songs-inserting-your-own-lyrics-write-your-own-music-i-am-boycotting-you-until-you-stop-bill-engvall
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.' -Bill Engvall
i-believe-pain-is-natures-way-saying-youre-still-alive-life-sucks-bill-engvall
I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process. -Bill Engvall
i-believe-that-anyone-who-wants-to-wear-thong-should-have-to-go-through-application-process-bill-engvall
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door? -Bill Engvall
when-bus-driver-gets-off-bus-who-shuts-door-bill-engvall
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others. -Bill Engvall
just-when-i-think-human-race-has-been-lost-to-what-about-me-people-i-see-best-we-have-to-offer-helping-others-bill-engvall
You can't climb a tile wall. -Bill Engvall
you-cant-climb-tile-wall-bill-engvall
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me. -Bill Engvall
so-hotel-tells-us-that-it-is-not-safe-to-go-in-water-because-its-shark-mating-time-i-know-how-id-feel-if-someone-interrupted-me-bill-engvall
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work. -Bill Engvall
god-was-havin-himself-good-day-when-he-made-boobs-he-mustve-stepped-back-from-eve-said-yes-maam-thosell-work-bill-engvall
I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south. -Bill Engvall
i-believe-that-way-to-mans-heart-is-not-through-his-stomach-its-little-further-south-bill-engvall
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world. -Bill Engvall
my-wife-i-had-argument-last-week-that-was-stupid-that-it-bears-repeating-my-wife-collects-twist-tieswelcome-to-my-world-bill-engvall
I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies. -Bill Engvall
ive-about-decided-if-it-wasnt-for-sex-i-could-be-gay-hell-then-youre-just-hangin-out-with-your-buddies-bill-engvall
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family. -Bill Engvall
in-1903-wright-brothers-invented-airplanes-because-in-1902-they-took-road-trip-across-country-with-their-family-bill-engvall
Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person. -Bill Engvall
remember-greed-is-bad-color-on-person-bill-engvall
Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list. -Bill Engvall
did-you-ever-notice-all-items-on-honey-do-list-are-dangerous-clean-gutters-put-light-in-shower-patch-roof-its-honey-die-list-bill-engvall
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