So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America ... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.
Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!
So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress. There's been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. The question is, you know, my kids are smart, educated, beautiful, polite children. There have been smart, educated, beautiful, polite black children for hundreds of years. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let's hope America keeps producing nicer white people.
obama quotesprogress quotesblack quotesperson quotesqualified quotespresident quotesprogress quoteswhite quotespeople quotespresident quoteshundreds quotesyears quotesquestion quoteskids quotessmart quoteseducated quotesbeautiful quotespolite quoteschildren quoteschildren quotesadvantage quotesencountering quotesnicest quotesamerica quotesproduced quoteshope quotesproducing quotesnicer quotespeople quotes
I am just here to support the President of the United States. President of the United States is our boss, but he is also... you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen, and when you don't it will usually bite you on the ass later on. So, I'm here to support the President.
You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
My relationship with my daughter is gonna affect her relationship with men for the rest of her life... Sometimes I'm walking with my daughter. I'm pushing her in the stroller, and sometimes I just pick her up and stare at her, and I realize, my only job in life is to keep her off the pole.
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o' the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the cops'll pull y'over and before they even look they like 'What the f**k are you doing?' and then they see it's you and they like 'Awww man, it's Chris Rock, it's okay, man we thought you was a nigga'.
yeah quoteslove quotesfamous quoteswhite quotesyknow quotespeople quotesnice quotesya quotesgive quotesbeneift quoteso quotesdoubt quotesdrive quotesflash quotescar quotesfreeway quotescopsll quotespull quotesyover quoteswhat quotesfk quotesdoing quotesawww quotesman quoteschris quotesrock quotesman quotesthought quotesnigga quotes
I grew up in a very loving two-parent household in the middle of one of the worst ghettos in New York City, ... I didn't know I lived in the ghetto until I was like 20, 19. I came to LA with Eddie Murphy and stayed at hotels and all this stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared. I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and had crack heads.
grew quotesloving quotestwoparent quoteshousehold quotesmiddle quotesworst quotesghettos quotesyork quotescity quoteslived quotesghetto quotes20 quotes19 quotesla quoteseddie quotesmurphy quotesstayed quoteshotels quotesstuff quotesback quotesneighborhood quoteslooked quotesstarted quotesscared quotesthought quotesabandoned quotesbuildings quotescrack quotesheads quotes
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?
world quotescrazy quotesrapper quoteswhite quotesguy quotesgolfer quotesblack quotestallest quotesguy quotesnba quoteschinese quotesswiss quoteshold quotesamericas quotescup quotesfrance quotesaccusing quotesarrogance quotesgermany quoteswar quotespowerful quotesmen quotesamerica quotesnamed quotesbush quotesdick quotescolon quotes
We Americans commercialize everything. Look at what we did to Christmas. Christmas is Jesus' birthday. Now, I don't know Jesus, but from what I read he was the least materialistic person who ever walked the earth. No bling on Jesus. He kept a low profile and we turned his birthday into the most commercial day of the year. In fact we have a whole Jesus birthday season. And then at the end of it, we have the nerve to have an economist come on TV and say what a horrible Jesus birthday season we had.
americans quotescommercialize quoteschristmas quoteschristmas quotesjesus quotesbirthday quotesjesus quotesread quotesmaterialistic quotesperson quoteswalked quotesearth quotesbling quotesjesus quoteslow quotesprofile quotesturned quotesbirthday quotescommercial quotesday quotesyear quotesfact quotesjesus quotesseason quotesend quotesnerve quoteseconomist quotestv quoteshorrible quotesseason quotes
People say, 'Why is he bored with her?' Because he's a human being, that's why; same way his wife is bored with him. That is marriage - anything that's supposed to be forever, your going to get bored with it. And there is nothing wrong with it, so don't take it personal; if you are with somebody for ten years and they are not bored with you? Then something is wrong with them.
I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.
told quotesmichael quotesjackson quotesjokes quotestechnical quotesjokes quoteschild quotesmolestation quotestechnical quoteslot quotesselective quotesoutrage quoteshonestly quotesaudience quotesspoken quoteslets quotes30 quotesyears quotescomedian quotescomedian quotescontinue quotesjoke quotesrespond quotes
So there's a cloud of rage around me, but being an artist kind of changes that. No matter what you thought coming in, what ignorant thing you believed, you're in show business for two years, you're like, "OK, I was wrong." It's hard to be mad at any particular group of people when you're an artist.
I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.
Nobody's good. I hate it. I truly hate it. I mean, there's a lot of guys doing stuff I admire, but stand-up-wise I feel very alone. I really miss Bill Hicks. I wish I could have put him on my show. And I really miss Sam Kinison a lot. Richard Pryor's sick... It's like you get here and then, oh wait a minute, there's nobody here any more. I feel like the guy who finally got into Studio 54, three years too late, Duh, where are all the famous people?
nobodys quotesgood quoteshate quoteslot quotesguys quotesstuff quotesadmire quotesstandupwise quotesfeel quotesmiss quotesbill quoteshicks quotesput quotesshow quotessam quoteskinison quoteslot quotesrichard quotespryors quotessick quoteswait quotesminute quotesguy quotesfinally quotesstudio quotes54 quotesyears quoteslate quotesduh quotesfamous quotespeople quotes
For me, anything goes when I pick up a mike. I'm not trying to hurt people - I try not to get too personal but I look at myself as a reporter. If you can report on anything that has to do with pop culture, then why can't I make jokes about it? Yes, it hurts. But I figure that laughter sometimes starts from pain. You might wince, but then I know that I'm doing my job. The only thing I can do wrong is not be funny.
Nobody's about saving anymore. No one cares about a rainy day anymore. Nobody saves up enough for even an umbrella for a rainy day. It's sad. It really is a new form of slavery. We used to work to be able to afford material things. Now we work for these things. They're the boss. That house you can't afford, that car that's out of your price range, that cellphone that drains your bank account - that's your boss.
nobodys quotessaving quotesanymore quotescares quotesrainy quotesday quotessaves quotesumbrella quotesday quotessad quotesform quotesslavery quoteswork quotesafford quotesmaterial quotesthings quotesboss quoteshouse quotesafford quotescar quotesprice quotesrange quotescellphone quotesdrains quotesbank quotesaccount quotes
My goals were small. My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn't have to do radio. I could sell out a club, which is like 300 seats. If I got big enough, I could sell before I got there, and I wouldn't have to get up at 6 in the morning to do radio. That was pretty much the dream. I had no idea I'd be playing Madison Square Garden or anything.