David Sedaris Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
i-love-things-made-out-of-animals-its-just-so-funny-to-think-of-someone-saying-i-need-a-letter-opener-i-guess-ill-have-to-kill-a-deer
i-go-to-the-movies-at-least-five-times-a-week-and-after-a-while-everything-becomes-a-blur-to-me
my-family-isnt-really-all-that-different-from-anyone-elses-well-maybe-theyre-a-bit-more-entertaining
the-humor-section-is-the-last-place-an-author-wants-to-be-they-put-your-stuff-next-to-collections-of-cathy-cartoons
if-youre-looking-for-sympathy-youll-find-it-between-shit-and-syphilis-in-the-dictionary
i-dont-think-my-life-is-more-interesting-than-anybody-elses-david-sedaris
sometimes-i-say-to-myself-oh-i-wish-i-could-win-tony-award-although-im-not-that-bothered-david-sedaris
i-meet-people-at-book-signings-my-record-now-for-signing-is-ten-half-hours-in-one-sitting-david-sedaris
if-i-were-president-i-would-turn-tables-allow-fetus-to-abort-its-mother-david-sedaris
remember-that-most-important-thing-is-to-try-love-other-people-as-much-as-they-love-you-david-sedaris
the-rabbit-easter-he-bring-chocolate-david-sedaris
there-seemed-to-be-some-correlation-between-devotion-to-god-misguided-zeal-for-marshmallows-david-sedaris
im-dating-myself-but-this-was-before-jesus-christ-we-worshiped-god-named-sashatiba-who-had-five-eyes-including-one-on-adams-apple-david-sedaris
speed-eliminates-all-doubt-am-i-smart-enough-will-people-like-me-do-i-really-look-all-right-in-this-plastic-jumpsuit-david-sedaris
everyone-looks-retarded-once-you-set-your-mind-to-it-david-sedaris
people-are-often-frightened-parisians-but-american-in-paris-will-find-no-harsher-critic-than-another-american-david-sedaris
he-has-passport-my-classmates-would-whisper-quick-lets-run-before-he-judges-us-david-sedaris
if-you-read-someone-elses-diary-you-get-what-you-deserve-david-sedaris
the-thought-killing-myself-had-slowed-me-down-to-five-miles-per-hour-the-thought-killing-someone-else-stopped-me-completely-david-sedaris
the-things-ive-bought-from-strangers-in-dark-would-curl-your-hair-david-sedaris
its-safe-to-assume-that-by-2085-guns-will-be-sold-in-vending-machines-but-you-wont-be-able-to-smoke-anywhere-in-america-david-sedaris
if-some-people-are-outed-are-other-people-inned-can-we-say-that-someone-has-been-besided-overed-david-sedaris
ive-often-lost-faith-in-myself-ive-never-lost-it-in-my-family-david-sedaris
i-was-just-struggling-with-my-inner-vachette-pondering-depths-my-own-inhumanity-david-sedaris
a-good-short-story-would-take-me-out-myself-then-stuff-me-back-in-outsized-now-uneasy-with-fit-david-sedaris
a-zoo-is-good-place-to-make-spectacle-yourself-as-people-around-you-have-creepier-more-photogenic-things-to-look-at-david-sedaris
all-i-do-is-lie-that-has-made-me-immune-to-compliments-david-sedaris
it-hardly-seemed-fair-because-unlike-horse-seeing-eye-dog-whole-glory-being-bird-is-that-nobody-would-ever-put-you-to-work-david-sedaris
i-find-it-ridiculous-to-assign-gender-to-inanimate-object-incapable-disrobing-making-occasional-fool-itself-david-sedaris
i-just-looked-at-pattern-my-life-decided-i-didnt-like-it-changed-david-sedaris
but-i-have-no-mind-for-business-considered-staying-awake-to-be-enough-accomplishment-david-sedaris
seven-beers-followed-by-two-scotches-thimble-marijuana-its-funny-how-sleep-comes-all-on-its-own-david-sedaris
shit-is-tofu-cursing-david-sedaris
i-havent-slightest-idea-how-to-change-people-but-still-i-keep-long-list-prospective-candidates-just-in-case-i-should-ever-figure-it-out-david-sedaris
theyre-hungry-for-something-they-know-nothing-about-but-we-we-know-all-too-well-that-price-fame-is-loss-privacy-david-sedaris