Demetri Martin Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
i-wanna-make-a-jigsaw-puzzle-thats-40000-pieces-and-when-you-finish-it-it-says-go-outside
the-digital-camera-is-a-great-invention-because-it-allows-us-to-reminisce-instantly
i-think-the-worst-time-to-have-a-heart-attack-is-during-a-game-of-charades-or-a-game-of-fake-heart-attack
its-always-helpful-to-remember-that-in-grand-scheme-things-you-are-much-more-important-than-um-wait-than-something-maybe-demetri-martin
small-businesses-are-important-but-are-tiny-businesses-demetri-martin
the-best-way-to-make-somebody-feel-important-is-to-try-to-assassinate-them-demetri-martin
i-think-most-annoying-language-is-tie-between-all-ones-i-dont-know-how-to-speak-demetri-martin
i-wasnt-even-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-comedians-i-know-lot-my-friends-are-comedians-they-knew-lot-about-comedy-growing-up-demetri-martin
the-definition-adventure-depends-upon-how-boring-your-life-is-demetri-martin
the-key-to-life-is-balance-especially-if-you-are-on-ledge-demetri-martin
i-bought-new-pair-pajamas-with-pockets-which-is-great-cause-now-i-dont-have-to-hold-things-when-i-sleep-demetri-martin
futon-world-wonderful-place-that-becomes-slowly-less-comfortable-over-time-demetri-martin
the-chances-someone-who-looks-like-jesus-having-pot-raises-steadily-to-point-if-guy-is-on-cross-you-may-have-wrong-guy-demetri-martin
if-only-loud-people-were-even-half-as-interesting-as-they-think-they-are-demetri-martin
i-was-student-council-president-in-high-school-even-in-law-school-i-was-vicepresident-student-bar-association-demetri-martin
there-is-small-but-important-difference-between-peeing-in-pool-peeing-into-pool-demetri-martin
no-one-ever-thinks-about-guy-who-was-raised-by-guy-who-was-raised-by-wolves-demetri-martin
never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets-demetri-martin
i-am-mystery-wrapped-in-enigma-wrapped-in-pita-why-pita-that-counts-as-another-mystery-demetri-martin
glitter-is-herpes-craft-supplies-demetri-martin
another-term-for-balloon-is-bad-breath-holder-demetri-martin
regarding-the-marching-band-how-much-more-interesting-it-would-be-to-see-creeping-band-demetri-martin
the-boomerang-is-australias-chief-export-then-import-demetri-martin
fact-the-plastic-knife-is-perfect-for-when-person-just-wants-to-make-some-marks-on-his-food-get-insanely-frustrated-at-same-time-demetri-martin
hotel-conundrum-the-continental-breakfast-what-is-it-that-makes-continents-shitty-at-providing-adequate-breakfast-demetri-martin
i-learned-this-summer-that-peeing-in-pool-peeing-into-pool-are-different-things-location-location-location-demetri-martin
i-started-being-comedy-fan-when-i-was-im-going-to-guess-like-5-6-years-old-demetri-martin
sometimes-i-feel-like-im-being-watched-but-then-i-remember-that-my-show-was-canceled-three-years-ago-demetri-martin
halloween-day-each-year-when-strangers-give-you-even-more-specific-reasons-to-dislike-them-based-on-what-they-are-wearing-demetri-martin
i-wanna-buy-bunch-hermit-crabs-make-them-live-together-demetri-martin
i-have-never-been-in-bad-mood-near-beach-ball-at-same-time-causation-correlation-or-fate-demetri-martin
im-body-builder-but-i-dont-use-weights-i-use-snacks-its-kind-different-building-process-demetri-martin
i-was-eating-some-candy-looked-on-wrapper-it-said-made-from-natural-artificial-flavors-you-could-just-say-flavors-demetri-martin
it-seems-that-mans-greatest-natural-enemy-is-target-demetri-martin
i-love-buster-keaton-i-love-physical-comedy-when-its-done-in-emotionally-understated-way-i-just-like-to-play-it-i-need-attention-demetri-martin
if-you-want-to-feel-less-sexy-put-scotch-tape-on-your-nipples-demetri-martin
hot-potato-is-different-game-when-people-playing-are-starving-demetri-martin
my-credit-card-company-says-i-have-outstanding-balance-im-flattered-demetri-martin
when-im-buying-car-insurance-i-ask-myself-which-company-has-most-annoying-relentless-commercials-demetri-martin
when-they-were-naming-animals-somebody-got-lazy-anteater-whats-it-doing-its-eating-ants-done-demetri-martin
when-i-am-at-rodeo-i-find-it-difficult-not-to-root-for-animals-demetri-martin
when-i-look-up-at-clouds-i-see-many-animals-mostly-sheep-who-have-lost-their-limbs-heads-demetri-martin
checkers-taught-me-that-king-is-man-with-another-man-on-top-him-but-life-taught-me-that-thats-actually-called-queen-demetri-martin
a-mobile-home-with-flat-tire-is-home-demetri-martin
some-them-relate-to-farts-but-they-are-not-fart-jokes-they-would-just-be-fart-in-joke-but-its-about-something-else-demetri-martin
leave-no-stone-unturned-in-your-quest-to-disrupt-rock-garden-demetri-martin
i-bought-clock-but-big-hand-broke-off-it-i-just-added-ish-to-every-number-demetri-martin
a-lifevest-protects-you-from-drowning-bulletproof-vest-protects-you-from-getting-shot-sweater-vest-protects-you-from-pretty-girls-demetri-martin
my-mind-says-one-thing-but-my-body-says-another-thanks-lot-indian-food-beer-demetri-martin
i-love-steven-wright-i-was-in-high-school-in-80s-there-was-lot-stand-up-on-television-demetri-martin
if-i-had-bookstore-i-would-make-all-mystery-novels-hard-to-find-demetri-martin
the-shortest-distance-between-two-idiots-is-conga-line-demetri-martin
knights-would-have-probably-liked-refrigerator-magnets-demetri-martin