Doug Stanhope Quotes

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You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do. -Doug Stanhope
you-forget-when-youre-in-scandinavian-countries-you-forget-they-dont-speak-english-first-they-speak-better-than-i-do-doug-stanhope
People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate. -Doug Stanhope
people-hate-people-just-cause-they-want-someone-different-to-hate-doug-stanhope
Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone. -Doug Stanhope
life-is-like-animal-porn-its-not-for-everyone-doug-stanhope
If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit -Doug Stanhope
if-you-start-to-smell-some-shit-you-start-smelling-all-shit-doug-stanhope
Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in. -Doug Stanhope
nationalism-does-nothing-but-teach-you-to-hate-people-you-never-met-to-take-pride-in-accomplishments-you-had-no-part-in-doug-stanhope
Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing. -Doug Stanhope
everything-that-is-going-to-kill-you-is-extremely-appetizing-doug-stanhope
What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more. -Doug Stanhope
what-ive-lost-in-years-ive-gained-in-wisdom-bullshit-i-havent-learnt-one-thing-in-last-15-years-that-hasnt-just-depressed-me-more-doug-stanhope
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years? -Doug Stanhope
democracy-is-worst-kind-government-im-sorry-would-you-still-call-yourself-christian-if-they-elected-new-jesus-every-four-years-doug-stanhope
I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000. -Doug Stanhope
i-am-42-years-old-i-have-9000-i-am-out-ideas-ive-nothing-to-spend-it-on-im-bored-shitless-i-will-die-with-that-9000-doug-stanhope
In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points. -Doug Stanhope
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Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company. -Doug Stanhope
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I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye. -Doug Stanhope
i-dont-like-life-that-much-its-not-that-big-deal-for-me-i-dont-want-to-know-i-have-cancer-till-its-visible-to-naked-eye-doug-stanhope
Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day. -Doug Stanhope
right-at-end-big-wall-vibrators-2995-big-rubber-fist-thirty-bucks-just-in-time-for-mothers-day-doug-stanhope
The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen. -Doug Stanhope
the-revolution-i-was-starting-where-i-thought-i-could-yell-at-200-people-in-bar-every-night-change-world-didnt-quite-happen-doug-stanhope
I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now. -Doug Stanhope
i-was-23-with-mullet-doing-lots-jerkoff-materiali-cant-look-at-old-tapes-now-doug-stanhope
If you're in high-school and you're not having fun, quit. -Doug Stanhope
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I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair. -Doug Stanhope
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You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. -Doug Stanhope
you-should-laugh-everywhere-you-can-find-even-slightest-glimmer-humour-doug-stanhope
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake. -Doug Stanhope
the-catholic-church-has-lot-more-money-than-any-colombian-cartel-they-leave-lot-more-bodies-in-their-wake-doug-stanhope
It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security. -Doug Stanhope
it-was-either-me-confucius-that-said-journey-thousand-miles-begins-with-vicious-ass-raping-at-airport-security-doug-stanhope
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point. -Doug Stanhope
they-should-raise-alcohol-age-to-60-at-least-youd-have-something-to-look-forward-to-at-this-point-doug-stanhope
Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in. -Doug Stanhope
invent-new-drugs-thats-what-you-should-be-doing-fight-to-get-new-weirder-ones-weirder-establishments-to-do-them-in-doug-stanhope
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