Doug Stanhope Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do. -Doug Stanhope
People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate. -Doug Stanhope
Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone. -Doug Stanhope
If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit -Doug Stanhope
Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in. -Doug Stanhope
Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing. -Doug Stanhope
What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more. -Doug Stanhope
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years? -Doug Stanhope
I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000. -Doug Stanhope
In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points. -Doug Stanhope
Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company. -Doug Stanhope
I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye. -Doug Stanhope
Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day. -Doug Stanhope
The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen. -Doug Stanhope
I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now. -Doug Stanhope
If you're in high-school and you're not having fun, quit. -Doug Stanhope
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair. -Doug Stanhope
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. -Doug Stanhope
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake. -Doug Stanhope
It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security. -Doug Stanhope
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point. -Doug Stanhope
Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in. -Doug Stanhope
?Earn cash when you save a quote by clicking
EARNED Load...
LEVEL : Load...