Emo Philips Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. -Emo Philips
how-many-people-here-have-telekenetic-powers-raise-my-hand
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -Emo Philips
a-computer-once-beat-me-at-chess-but-it-was-no-match-for-me-at-kick-boxing
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. -Emo Philips
some-mornings-its-just-not-worth-chewing-through-the-leather-straps
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas. -Emo Philips
when-i-wake-up-in-the-morning-i-just-cant-get-started-until-ive-had-that-first-piping-hot-pot-of-coffee-oh-ive-tried-other-enemas
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. -Emo Philips
he-taught-me-never-to-smile-which-helps-me-when-i-visit-disaster-sites
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' -Emo Philips
i-discovered-my-wife-in-bed-with-another-man-and-i-was-crushed-so-i-said-get-off-me-you-two
People always ask me,
people-always-ask-me-where-were-you-when-kennedy-was-shot-well-i-dont-have-an-alibi
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. -Emo Philips
probably-the-toughest-time-in-anyones-life-is-when-you-have-to-murder-a-loved-one-because-theyre-the-devil
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them. -Emo Philips
i-was-in-a-bar-the-other-night-hopping-from-barstool-to-barstool-trying-to-get-lucky-but-there-wasnt-any-gum-under-any-of-them
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks. -Emo Philips
i-love-to-go-to-the-playground-and-watch-the-children-jumping-up-and-down-they-dont-know-im-firing-blanks
Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are -Emo Philips
computers-arent-intelligent-they-only-think-they-are
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. -Emo Philips
pentiums-melt-in-your-pc-not-in-your-hand
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. -Emo Philips
some-mornings-it-just-doesnt-seem-worth-it-to-gnaw-through-the-leather-straps
I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important. -Emo Philips
ive-always-suffered-from-complete-inability-to-sense-whos-important-emo-philips
I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend. -Emo Philips
i-had-close-relationship-with-another-kid-when-i-was-growing-up-i-was-his-imaginary-friend-emo-philips
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -Emo Philips
i-used-to-think-that-brain-was-most-wonderful-organ-in-my-body-then-i-realized-who-was-telling-me-this-emo-philips
People come up to me and say,
people-come-up-to-me-say-emo-do-people-really-come-up-to-you-emo-philips
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. -Emo Philips
i-go-from-stool-to-stool-in-singles-bars-hoping-to-get-lucky-but-theres-never-any-gum-under-any-them-emo-philips
I ran three miles today. Finally I said,
i-ran-three-miles-today-finally-i-said-lady-take-your-purse-emo-philips
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. -Emo Philips
i-got-some-new-underwear-other-day-well-new-to-me-emo-philips
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. -Emo Philips
my-classmates-would-copulate-with-anything-that-moved-but-i-never-saw-any-reason-to-limit-myself-emo-philips
My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'. -Emo Philips
my-girlfriend-said-to-me-in-bed-last-night-youre-pervert-i-said-thats-big-word-for-girl-nine-emo-philips
Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me. -Emo Philips
not-everybody-hates-me-only-people-whove-met-me-emo-philips
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