Erma Bombeck Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
dreams-have-only-one-owner-at-a-time-thats-why-dreamers-are-lonely
guilt-the-gift-that-keeps-on-giving
never-go-to-a-doctor-whose-office-plants-have-died
never-lend-your-car-to-anyone-to-whom-you-have-given-birth
car-designers-are-just-going-to-have-to-come-up-with-an-automobile-that-outlasts-the-payments
never-have-more-children-than-you-have-car-windows
it-takes-a-lot-of-courage-to-show-your-dreams-to-someone-else
i-come-from-a-family-where-gravy-is-considered-a-beverage
never-go-to-your-high-school-reunion-pregnant-or-they-will-think-that-is-all-you-have-done-since-you-graduated
when-humor-goes-there-goes-civilization
there-is-a-thin-line-that-separates-laughter-and-pain-comedy-and-tragedy-humor-and-hurt
who-in-their-infinite-wisdom-decreed-that-little-league-uniforms-be-white-certainly-not-a-mother
thanksgiving-dinners-take-eighteen-hours-to-prepare-they-are-consumed-in-twelve-minutes-halftimes-take-twelve-minutes-this-is-not-coincidence
poached-eggs-are-good-poached-animals-are-not
all-of-us-have-moments-in-out-lives-that-test-our-courage-taking-children-into-a-house-with-a-white-carpet-is-one-of-them
housework-is-a-treadmill-from-futility-to-oblivion-with-stopoffs-at-tedium-and-counter-productivity
housework-if-you-do-it-right-will-kill-you
laughter-rises-out-of-tragedy-when-you-need-it-the-most-and-rewards-you-for-your-courage
humor-is-a-spontaneous-wonderful-bit-of-an-outburst-that-just-comes-its-unbridled-its-unplanned-its-full-of-surprises
i-am-not-a-glutton-i-am-an-explorer-of-food
as-a-graduate-of-the-zsa-zsa-gabor-school-of-creative-mathematics-i-honestly-do-not-know-how-old-i-am
you-hear-a-lot-of-dialogue-on-the-death-of-the-american-family-families-arent-dying-theyre-merging-into-big-conglomerates
i-was-terrible-at-straight-items-when-i-wrote-obituaries-my-mother-said-the-only-thing-i-ever-got-them-to-do-was-die-in-alphabetical-order
a-grandmother-pretends-she-doesnt-know-who-you-are-on-halloween
never-accept-a-drink-from-a-urologist
skiing-i-do-not-participate-in-any-sport-with-ambulances-at-the-bottom-of-the-hill
the-only-reason-i-would-take-up-jogging-is-so-that-i-could-hear-heavy-breathing-again
my-second-favorite-household-chore-is-ironing-my-first-being-hitting-my-head-on-the-top-bunk-bed-until-i-faint
a-friend-will-tell-you-she-saw-your-old-boyfriendand-hes-a-priest
why-would-anyone-steal-a-shopping-cart-its-like-stealing-a-twoyearold
some-say-our-national-pastime-is-baseball-not-me-its-gossip
just-think-of-all-those-women-on-the-titanic-who-said-no-thank-you-to-dessert-that-night-and-for-what
you-become-about-as-exciting-as-your-food-blender-the-kids-come-in-look-you-in-the-eye-and-ask-if-anybodys-home
when-a-child-is-locked-in-the-bathroom-with-water-running-and-he-says-hes-doing-nothing-but-the-dog-is-barking-call-911
seize-the-moment-remember-all-those-women-on-the-titanic-who-waved-off-the-dessert-cart
i-will-buy-any-creme-cosmetic-or-elixir-from-a-woman-with-a-european-accent
as-a-child-my-number-one-best-friend-was-the-librarian-in-my-grade-school-i-actually-believed-all-those-books-belonged-to-her
in-general-my-children-refuse-to-eat-anything-that-hasnt-danced-on-television
mothers-words-of-wisdom-answer-me-dont-talk-with-food-in-your-mouth
i-have-a-theory-about-the-human-mind-a-brain-is-a-lot-like-a-computer-it-will-only-take-so-many-facts-and-then-it-will-go-on-overload-and-blow-up
i-have-friend-who-lives-by-threeword-philosophy-seize-moment-just-possibly-she-may-be-wisest-woman-on-this-planet-erma-bombeck
humor-is-spontaneous-wonderful-bit-outburst-that-just-comes-its-unbridled-its-unplanned-its-full-suprises-erma-bombeck
it-would-have-been-wonderful-wedding-had-it-not-been-mine-erma-bombeck
phone-are-wonderful-instruments-but-i-wouldnt-want-our-daughter-to-marry-one-erma-bombeck
i-have-just-come-up-with-wonderful-solution-to-end-all-wars-let-me-give-directions-on-how-to-get-there-erma-bombeck
never-be-in-hurry-to-terminate-marriage-remember-you-may-need-this-manwoman-to-finish-sentence-erma-bombeck
any-mother-with-half-skull-knows-that-when-daddys-little-boy-becomes-mommys-little-boy-kid-is-wet-hes-treading-water-erma-bombeck
if-life-is-bowl-cherries-what-am-i-doing-in-pits-erma-bombeck
dreams-have-but-one-owner-at-time-that-is-why-dreamers-are-lonely-erma-bombeck
at-some-point-in-your-life-if-youre-lucky-you-throw-practicality-to-wind-start-living-erma-bombeck
laugh-now-cry-later-erma-bombeck
it-goes-without-saying-that-you-should-never-have-more-children-than-you-have-car-windows-erma-bombeck
some-say-our-national-pastime-is-baseball-not-me-its-gossip-erma-bombeck
did-you-ever-notice-that-first-piece-luggage-on-carousel-never-belongs-to-anyone-erma-bombeck
the-odds-going-to-store-for-loaf-bread-coming-out-with-only-loaf-bread-are-three-billion-to-one-erma-bombeck
i-come-from-home-where-gravy-is-beverage-erma-bombeck
anybody-who-watches-three-games-football-in-row-should-be-declared-brain-dead-erma-bombeck
a-friend-will-tell-you-she-saw-your-old-boyfriend-hes-priest-erma-bombeck
When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts... all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands... no way." It's not the hands that are causing me problems, " God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." God, " said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow... " I can't, " said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick... can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft, " she sighed. But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." Can it think?" Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise, " said the Creator. Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. There's a leak, " she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." It's not a leak, " said the Lord, "It's a tear." What's it for?" It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." You are a genius, " said the angel. Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.

Erma Bombeck
when-god-created-mothers-when-good-lord-was-creating-mothers-he-was-into-his-sixth-day-overtime-when-angel-appeared-said-youre-doing-lot-fiddling-around-on-this-one-and-god-said-
god quotescreated quotesmothers quotesgood quoteslord quotescreating quotesmothers quotessixth quotesday quotesovertime quotesangel quotesappeared quoteslot quotesfiddling quotesread quotesspecs quotesorder quotescompletely quoteswashable quotesplastic quotes180 quotesmoveable quotesparts quotesreplaceable quotesrun quotesblack quotescoffee quotesleftovers quoteslap quotesdisappears quotesstands quoteskiss quotescure quotesbroken quotesleg quotesdisappointed quoteslove quotesaffair quotespairs quoteshands quotesshook quoteshead quotesslowly quoteshands quoteshands quotescausing quotesproblems quotesremarked quoteseyes quotesmothers quotesstandard quotesmodel quotesasked quotesangel quotesnodded quotespair quotessees quotesclosed quotesdoors quotesasks quoteswhat quoteskids quotesthere quotesback quotesfront quoteschild quotesgoofs quotesi quotesunderstand quotesyou quotesuttering quotesword quotesgod quotestouching quotessleeve quotesgently quotesrest quotestomorrow quotesclose quotesheals quotessick quotesfeed quotesfamily quotespound quoteshamburger quotesyear quotesstand quotesshower quotescircled quotesmodel quotesmother quotesslowly quotessoft quotessighed quotestough quotesexcitedly quotesimagine quotesendure quotesreason quotescompromise quotescreator quotesfinally quotesbent quotesran quotesfinger quotescheek quotesleak quotespronounced quotestold quotesput quotesmodel quoteslord quotestear quotesjoy quotessadness quotesdisappointment quotespain quotesloneliness quotespride quotesgenius quotessomberly quotes
i-have-seen-my-kid-struggle-into-kitchen-in-morning-with-outfits-that-need-only-one-accessory-empty-gin-bottle-erma-bombeck
i-am-not-glutton-i-am-explorer-food-erma-bombeck
if-you-cant-make-it-better-you-can-laugh-at-it-erma-bombeck
someone-once-threw-me-small-brown-hairy-kiwi-fruit-i-threw-wastebasket-over-it-until-it-was-dead-erma-bombeck
housework-can-kill-you-if-done-right-erma-bombeck
just-think-all-those-women-on-titanic-who-said-no-thank-you-to-dessert-that-night-and-for-what-erma-bombeck
the-grass-is-always-greener-over-septic-tank-erma-bombeck
one-never-realizes-how-different-husband-wife-can-be-until-they-begin-to-pack-for-trip-erma-bombeck
written-on-her-tombstone-i-told-you-i-was-sick-erma-bombeck
laughter-rises-out-tragedy-when-you-need-it-most-rewards-you-for-your-courage-erma-bombeck
if-life-is-bowl-cherries-then-what-am-i-doing-in-pits-erma-bombeck
the-bad-times-i-can-handle-its-good-times-that-drive-me-crazy-when-is-other-shoe-going-to-drop-erma-bombeck
we-hit-sunny-beaches-where-we-occupy-ourselves-keeping-sun-off-our-skin-saltwater-off-our-bodies-sand-out-our-belongings-erma-bombeck