Evan Esar Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either. -Evan Esar
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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures. -Evan Esar
definition-of-statistics-the-science-of-producing-unreliable-facts-from-reliable-figures
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. -Evan Esar
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The girl with a future avoids a man with a past. -Evan Esar
the-girl-with-a-future-avoids-a-man-with-a-past
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. -Evan Esar
housework-is-what-a-woman-does-that-nobody-notices-unless-she-hasnt-done-it
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment. -Evan Esar
hope-is-tomorrows-veneer-over-todays-disappointment
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. -Evan Esar
conscience-is-what-makes-a-boy-tell-his-mother-before-his-sister-does
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration. -Evan Esar
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Consistency is a jewel, but too much jewelry is vulgar. -Evan Esar
consistency-is-jewel-but-too-much-jewelry-is-vulgar
Ego: The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment. -Evan Esar
ego-the-only-thing-that-can-keep-growing-without-nourishment-evan-esar
Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies. -Evan Esar
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The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't. -Evan Esar
the-saddest-thing-in-life-is-to-marry-woman-who-looks-like-cook-isnt-evan-esar
Life is a battle of wits, and many people have to fight it unarmed. -Evan Esar
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You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game. -Evan Esar
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This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand. -Evan Esar
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Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once. -Evan Esar
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games. -Evan Esar
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Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings -Evan Esar
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Many a man who falls in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. -Evan Esar
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others. -Evan Esar
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Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. -Evan Esar
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him. -Evan Esar
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A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting. -Evan Esar
a-man-is-known-by-company-he-keeps-but-woman-is-known-by-company-she-keeps-waiting-evan-esar
A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one. -Evan Esar
a-special-skill-like-speaking-several-languages-keeping-your-mouth-shut-in-one-evan-esar
The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother. -Evan Esar
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time. -Evan Esar
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Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer. -Evan Esar
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A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change. -Evan Esar
a-credit-card-is-convenient-device-that-saves-you-trouble-counting-your-change-evan-esar
A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins. -Evan Esar
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A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer. -Evan Esar
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success. -Evan Esar
if-you-cant-bear-to-have-your-face-stepped-on-dont-try-to-climb-ladder-success-evan-esar
The disadvantage of becoming wise is that you realize how foolish you've been. -Evan Esar
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A lecturer often makes you feel dumb at one end and numb at the other. -Evan Esar
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The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams -Evan Esar
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Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose. -Evan Esar
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You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read. -Evan Esar
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it. -Evan Esar
hard-work-never-hurt-anyone-who-hired-someone-else-to-do-it-evan-esar
There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living. -Evan Esar
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting. -Evan Esar
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Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work. -Evan Esar
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Some men are so eager for success that they are even willing to work for it. -Evan Esar
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Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock. -Evan Esar
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy. -Evan Esar
compare-what-you-want-with-what-you-have-youll-be-unhappy-compare-what-you-deserve-with-what-you-have-youll-be-happy-evan-esar
If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday. -Evan Esar
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Las Vegas is a resort whose two chief sources of income are seven and eleven. -Evan Esar
las-vegas-is-resort-whose-two-chief-sources-income-are-seven-eleven-evan-esar
Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him. -Evan Esar
many-man-who-goes-to-las-vegas-to-get-away-from-it-all-soon-finds-that-las-vegas-gets-it-all-away-from-him-evan-esar
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