Frank Carson Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. -Frank Carson
i-am-accusing-him-of-stealing-my-best-material-he-was-a-very-funny-man
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance. -Frank Carson
i-dont-think-my-wife-likes-me-very-much-when-i-had-a-heart-attack-she-wrote-for-an-ambulance
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? -Frank Carson
have-you-heard-about-the-irishman-who-reversed-into-a-car-boot-sale-and-sold-the-engine
It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me. -Frank Carson
its-never-occurred-to-me-to-worry-about-my-health-or-that-ill-get-old-or-that-people-will-stop-laughing-at-me
So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'. -Frank Carson
so-i-rang-up-british-telecom-i-said-i-want-to-report-a-nuisance-caller-he-said-not-you-again
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night. -Frank Carson
i-was-in-panto-last-year-aladdin-the-wonderful-lamp-i-played-wick-i-got-sack-because-i-was-too-welloiled-every-night-frank-carson
A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself. -Frank Carson
a-man-was-found-dead-covered-in-sprinkles-strawberry-sauce-flake-reports-said-he-may-have-topped-himself-frank-carson
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed. -Frank Carson
im-staying-in-lovely-hotel-dressing-robe-behind-door-lovely-fluffy-sheets-took-me-half-hour-getting-my-suitcase-closed-frank-carson
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was. -Frank Carson
ive-been-married-to-my-wife-for-60-years-but-it-feels-just-like-yesterday-you-know-what-bloody-awful-day-yesterday-was-frank-carson
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says:
an-englishman-irishman-scotsman-walk-into-bar-the-barman-looks-at-them-says-is-this-some-kind-joke-frank-carson
The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off? -Frank Carson
the-council-in-blackpool-have-given-homeless-bus-passes-but-how-would-they-know-where-to-get-off-frank-carson
I said to the waitress,
i-said-to-waitress-theres-fly-swimming-in-my-soup-she-said-youve-got-too-much-soup-he-should-only-be-able-to-paddle-frank-carson
Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said:
doctor-told-me-ive-got-two-weeks-to-live-i-said-can-i-have-last-week-in-july-1st-week-in-august-frank-carson
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon. -Frank Carson
my-father-fought-in-world-war-i-singlehandedly-destroyed-germans-line-communication-he-ate-their-pigeon-frank-carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said:
there-were-two-irishmen-eating-sandwiches-in-pub-landlord-said-you-cant-eat-your-own-food-in-here-so-they-swapped-sandwiches-frank-carson
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish. -Frank Carson
whats-difference-between-rottweiler-poodle-peeing-on-your-leg-you-let-rottweiler-finish-frank-carson
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. -Frank Carson
whats-difference-between-my-wife-terrorist-you-can-negotiate-with-terrorist-frank-carson
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people. -Frank Carson
my-idea-for-peace-in-middle-east-is-to-go-back-to-1966-line-but-to-build-even-more-houses-for-palestinians-who-are-poor-people-frank-carson
A man walks into a pet shop and says:
a-man-walks-into-pet-shop-says-give-me-wasp-the-shopkeeper-replies-we-dont-sell-wasps-he-says-theres-one-in-window-frank-carson
My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.' -Frank Carson
my-wife-said-to-me-if-you-won-lottery-would-you-still-love-me-i-said-of-course-i-would-id-miss-you-but-id-still-love-you-frank-carson
A man says to his mate:
a-man-says-to-his-mate-my-wife-is-twin-his-mate-says-how-do-you-tell-them-apart-the-man-says-her-brother-has-beard-frank-carson
Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it! -Frank Carson
someone-threw-petrol-bomb-at-alex-higgins-once-he-drank-it-frank-carson
A man up in front of a judge says
a-man-up-in-front-judge-says-i-dont-recognise-this-court-why-not-its-been-redecorated-since-last-time-i-was-here-frank-carson
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober. -Frank Carson
this-is-frank-carson-news-at-ten-sober-frank-carson
Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list? -Frank Carson
did-you-know-you-can-have-irish-abortion-but-there-is-12-month-waiting-list-frank-carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous. -Frank Carson
people-in-northern-ireland-vote-for-their-church-they-dont-vote-with-their-heads-it-is-ridiculous
The thirties were troublesome in Belfast, and then of course there was no work for people, and it was terribly religiously divided. -Frank Carson
the-thirties-were-troublesome-in-belfast-then-course-there-was-no-work-for-people-it-was-terribly-religiously-divided
America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million. -Frank Carson
america-has-only-100-senators-for-309-million-people-but-stormont-has-108-members-for-17-million
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish. -Frank Carson
most-my-jokes-are-racist-usually-about-irish
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