Groucho Marx Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
i-refuse-to-join-any-club-that-would-have-me-as-a-member
man-does-not-control-his-own-fate-the-women-in-his-life-do-that-for-him
the-secret-of-life-is-honesty-and-fair-dealing-if-you-can-fake-that-youve-got-it-made
it-isnt-necessary-to-have-relatives-in-kansas-city-in-order-to-be-unhappy
marriage-is-a-wonderful-institution-but-who-wants-to-live-in-an-institution
politics-is-the-art-of-looking-for-trouble-finding-it-everywhere-diagnosing-it-incorrectly-and-applying-the-wrong-remedies
she-got-her-looks-from-her-father-hes-a-plastic-surgeon
outside-of-a-dog-a-book-is-a-mans-best-friend-inside-of-a-dog-its-too-dark-to-read
im-leaving-because-the-weather-is-too-good-i-hate-london-when-its-not-raining
a-hospital-bed-is-a-parked-taxi-with-the-meter-running
im-not-feeling-very-well-i-need-a-doctor-immediately-ring-the-nearest-golf-course
one-morning-i-shot-an-elephant-in-my-pajamas-how-he-got-into-my-pajamas-ill-never-know
i-remember-the-first-time-i-had-sex-i-kept-the-receipt
no-man-goes-before-his-time-unless-the-boss-leaves-early
a-black-cat-crossing-your-path-signifies-that-the-animal-is-going-somewhere
outside-of-a-dog-a-book-is-mans-best-friend-inside-of-a-dog-its-too-dark-to-read
i-chased-a-woman-for-almost-two-years-only-to-discover-her-tastes-were-exactly-like-mine-we-were-both-crazy-about-girls
ever-since-they-found-out-that-lassie-was-a-boy-the-public-has-believed-the-worst-about-hollywood
home-is-where-you-hang-your-head
do-you-mind-if-i-dont-smoke-
why-should-i-care-about-posterity-whats-posterity-ever-done-for-me
who-are-you-going-to-believe-me-or-your-own-eyes
i-intend-to-live-forever-or-die-trying
life-lives-life-dies-life-laughs-life-cries-life-gives-up-and-life-tries-but-life-looks-different-through-everyones-eyes
anyone-can-get-old-all-you-have-to-do-is-live-long-enough
youre-a-woman-whos-been-getting-nothing-but-dirty-breaks-well-we-can-clean-and-tighten-your-brakes-but-youll-have-to-stay-in-the-garage-all-night
from-the-moment-i-picked-your-book-up-until-i-laid-it-down-i-was-convulsed-with-laughter-someday-i-intend-reading-it
those-are-my-principles-and-if-you-dont-like-them-well-i-have-others
i-worked-my-way-up-from-nothing-to-a-state-of-extreme-poverty
i-could-dance-till-the-cows-come-home-on-second-thought-id-rather-dance-with-the-cows-till-you-come-home
no-one-is-completely-unhappy-at-the-failure-of-his-best-friend
behind-every-successful-man-is-a-woman-behind-her-is-his-wife
i-chased-a-girl-for-two-years-only-to-discover-that-her-tastes-were-exactly-like-mine-we-were-both-crazy-about-girls
noone-is-completely-unhappy-at-the-failure-of-his-best-friend
wives-are-people-who-feel-they-dont-dance-enough
remember-men-were-fighting-for-this-womans-honor-which-is-probably-more-than-she-ever-did
my-mother-loved-children-she-would-have-given-anything-if-i-had-been-one
i-have-nothing-but-confidence-in-you-and-very-little-of-that
bloods-not-thicker-than-money
money-will-not-make-you-happy-and-happy-will-not-make-you-money
the-two-most-important-words-in-the-world-are-honesty-and-sincerity-if-you-can-fake-these-youve-got-it-made-groucho-marx
before-you-speak-make-certain-you-have-something-worthwhile-to-say-groucho-marx
growing-old-is-something-you-do-if-youre-lucky-groucho-marx
i-have-had-perfectly-wonderful-evening-but-this-wasnt-it-groucho-marx
practically-everybody-in-new-york-has-half-mind-to-write-book-does-groucho-marx
since-my-daughter-is-only-halfjewish-could-she-go-in-water-up-to-her-knees-groucho-marx
the-admission-fee-was-vipers-tongue-halfconcealed-stiletto-it-was-sort-intellectual-slaughterhouse-groucho-marx
i-was-born-at-early-age-before-i-had-time-to-regret-it-i-was-four-half-years-old-groucho-marx
life-is-whim-several-billion-cells-to-be-you-for-while-groucho-marx
i-love-to-read-my-education-is-selfinflicted-groucho-marx
a-year-ago-i-came-here-without-nickle-in-my-pocket-now-ive-got-nickle-in-my-pocket-groucho-marx
most-young-women-do-not-welcome-promiscuous-advances-either-that-my-lucks-terrible-groucho-marx
from-moment-i-picked-up-your-book-until-i-put-it-down-i-was-convulsed-with-laughter-some-day-i-intend-reading-it-groucho-marx
i-have-nothing-but-respect-for-you-not-much-that-groucho-marx
why-look-at-me-ive-worked-my-way-up-from-nothing-to-state-extreme-poverty-groucho-marx
clear-huh-why-fouryearold-child-could-understand-this-report-run-out-find-me-fouryearold-child-i-cant-make-head-tail-it-groucho-marx
hollywood-brides-keep-bouquets-throw-away-grooms-groucho-marx
paying-alimony-is-like-feeding-hay-to-dead-horse-groucho-marx
getting-older-is-no-problem-you-just-have-to-live-long-enough-groucho-marx
a-child-five-could-understand-this-send-someone-to-fetch-child-five-groucho-marx
from-moment-i-picked-your-book-up-until-i-laid-it-down-i-convulsed-with-laughter-someday-i-intend-on-reading-it-groucho-marx
i-dont-have-photograph-but-you-can-have-my-footprints-theyre-upstairs-in-my-socks-groucho-marx
before-i-speak-i-have-something-important-to-say-groucho-marx
i-find-television-educational-every-time-someone-switches-it-on-i-go-into-another-room-read-good-book-groucho-marx
dont-look-now-but-theres-one-too-many-in-this-room-i-think-its-you-groucho-marx
i-was-going-to-thrash-them-within-inch-their-lives-but-i-didnt-have-tape-measure-groucho-marx
im-not-vegetarian-but-i-eat-animals-who-are-groucho-marx
only-one-man-in-thousand-is-leader-men-other-999-follow-women-groucho-marx
ive-had-wonderful-time-but-this-wasnt-it-groucho-marx
if-youve-heard-this-story-before-dont-stop-me-because-id-like-to-hear-it-again-groucho-marx
with-possible-exception-clothes-beauty-salons-frank-sinatra-there-are-few-subjects-all-women-agree-upon-groucho-marx
bel-air-i-am-convinced-was-laid-out-by-some-diabolic-sadist-who-deliberately-decided-not-to-use-compass-surveyor-groucho-marx
when-youre-in-jail-good-friend-will-be-trying-to-bail-you-out-a-best-friend-will-be-in-cell-next-to-you-saying-damn-that-was-fun-groucho-marx
i-sent-club-wire-stating-please-accept-my-resignation-i-dont-want-to-belong-to-any-club-that-will-accept-me-as-a-member-groucho-marx
one-morning-i-shot-elephant-in-my-pajamas-how-he-got-in-my-pajamas-ill-never-know-groucho-marx
if-black-cat-crosses-your-path-it-signifies-that-animal-is-going-somewhere-groucho-marx
room-service-send-up-larger-room-a-night-at-opera-groucho-marx
well-meet-at-theater-tonight-ill-hold-your-seat-til-you-get-there-once-you-get-there-youre-on-your-own-groucho-marx
the-husband-who-wants-happy-marriage-should-learn-to-keep-his-mouth-shut-his-checkbook-open-groucho-marx
shes-afraid-that-if-she-leaves-shell-become-life-party-groucho-marx
marriage-is-wonderful-institutionbut-who-wants-to-live-in-institution-groucho-marx
the-only-real-laughter-comes-from-despair-groucho-marx
all-geniuses-die-young-groucho-marx
tv-is-rat-race-century-groucho-marx
ive-got-brain-four-year-old-ill-bet-he-was-glad-to-be-rid-it-groucho-marx
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