Henny Youngman Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
if-youre-going-to-do-something-tonight-that-youll-be-sorry-for-tomorrow-morning-sleep-late
if-at-first-you-dont-succeed-so-much-for-skydiving
the-secret-of-a-happy-marriage-remains-a-secret
ive-been-in-love-with-the-same-woman-for-fortyone-years-if-my-wife-finds-out-shell-kill-me
i-know-a-man-who-doesnt-pay-to-have-his-trash-taken-out-how-does-he-get-rid-of-his-trash-he-gift-wraps-it-and-puts-in-into-an-unlocked-car
my-brother-was-a-lifeguard-in-a-car-wash
i-once-wanted-to-become-an-atheist-but-i-gave-up-they-have-no-holidays
when-i-told-my-doctor-i-couldnt-afford-an-operation-he-offered-to-touchup-my-xrays
a-selftaught-man-usually-has-a-poor-teacher-and-a-worse-student
just-got-back-from-a-pleasure-trip-i-took-my-motherinlaw-to-the-airport
i-take-my-wife-everywhere-but-she-keeps-finding-her-way-back
when-i-read-about-the-evils-of-drinking-i-gave-up-reading
why-dont-jews-drink-it-interferes-with-their-suffering
you-look-like-a-talent-scout-for-a-cemetery
someone-stole-all-my-credit-cards-but-i-wont-be-reporting-it-the-thief-spends-less-than-my-wife-did
a-jewish-woman-had-2-chickens-one-got-sick-so-the-woman-made-chicken-soup-out-of-the-other-one-to-help-the-sick-one-get-well
my-other-brotherinlaw-died-he-was-a-karate-expert-then-joined-the-army-the-first-time-he-saluted-he-killed-himself
payday-at-my-house-is-like-academy-awards-my-wife-says-may-i-have-envelope-please-henny-youngman
when-you-battle-with-your-conscience-lose-you-win-henny-youngman
some-people-play-horse-to-win-some-to-place-i-should-have-bet-this-horse-to-live-henny-youngman
i-love-christmas-i-receive-lot-wonderful-presents-i-cant-wait-to-exchange-henny-youngman
ive-got-two-wonderful-children-two-out-five-isnt-too-bad-henny-youngman
i-bet-on-horse-at-tentoone-it-didnt-come-in-until-halfpast-five-henny-youngman
my-dad-was-town-drunk-most-time-thats-not-bad-but-new-york-city-henny-youngman
the-hotel-im-in-has-lovely-closet-a-nail-henny-youngman
when-you-battle-with-your-conscience-lose-you-win-henny-youngman-comedian-violinist-19061998-henny-youngman
if-you-had-your-life-to-live-over-again-do-it-overseas-henny-youngman
i-had-nightmare-last-night-i-dreamed-dolly-parton-was-my-mother-i-was-bottle-baby-henny-youngman
americans-are-getting-stronger-twenty-years-ago-it-took-two-people-to-carry-ten-dollars-worth-groceries-today-fiveyearold-can-do-it-henny-youngman
i-know-what-im-giving-up-for-lent-my-new-years-resolutions-henny-youngman
my-wife-will-buy-anything-marked-down-last-year-she-bought-escalator-henny-youngman
his-motto-is-love-thy-neighbor-his-neighbor-is-18-year-old-hooker-henny-youngman
ive-been-married-for-49-years-where-have-i-failed-henny-youngman
who-says-nothing-is-impossible-ive-been-doing-nothing-for-years-henny-youngman
a-polish-man-had-his-vasectomy-done-at-sears-now-when-he-makes-love-garage-door-goes-up-henny-youngman
college-a-fountain-knowledge-where-all-go-to-drink-henny-youngman
she-must-have-egyptian-blood-every-time-i-try-to-kiss-her-she-says-tut-tut-henny-youngman
he-is-only-man-i-ever-met-with-seersucker-face-henny-youngman
now-band-that-inspired-that-great-saying-stop-the-music-henny-youngman
this-man-dresses-like-unmade-bed-henny-youngman
shes-bighearted-girl-with-hips-to-match-henny-youngman
those-two-are-fastidious-couple-shes-fast-hes-hideous-henny-youngman
two-kangaroos-were-talking-to-each-other-one-said-i-hope-it-doesnt-rain-today-i-hate-it-when-children-play-inside-henny-youngman
the-hitter-asks-owner-to-give-him-big-raise-he-can-go-somewhere-hes-never-been-owner-says-you-mean-third-base-henny-youngman
he-doesnt-get-ulcers-he-gives-them-henny-youngman
ill-tell-you-how-to-beat-gambling-in-las-vegas-when-you-get-off-airplane-walk-right-into-propeller-henny-youngman
my-history-teacher-was-old-he-taught-from-memory-henny-youngman
i-told-doctor-i-broke-my-leg-in-two-places-he-told-me-to-quit-going-to-those-places-henny-youngman
a-doctor-gave-man-six-months-to-live-the-man-couldnt-pay-his-bill-he-gave-him-another-six-months-henny-youngman
my-doctor-grabbed-me-by-wallet-saidcough-henny-youngman
the-doctor-called-mrs-cohen-saying-mrs-cohen-your-check-came-back-mrs-cohen-answered-so-did-my-arthritis-henny-youngman
the-doctor-says-youll-live-to-be-60-i-am-60-see-what-did-i-tell-you-henny-youngman
the-patient-says-doctor-it-hurts-when-i-do-this-then-dont-do-that-henny-youngman
a-doctor-has-stethoscope-up-to-mans-chest-the-man-asks-doc-how-do-i-stand-the-doctor-says-thats-what-puzzles-me-henny-youngman
doctor-my-leg-hurts-what-can-i-do-the-doctor-says-limp-henny-youngman
a-man-goes-to-psychiatrist-nobody-listens-to-me-the-doctor-says-next-henny-youngman
a-man-goes-to-psychiatrist-the-doctor-says-youre-crazy-the-man-says-i-want-second-opinion-okay-youre-ugly-too-henny-youngman
doctor-i-have-ringing-in-my-ears-dont-answer-henny-youngman
i-know-guy-who-had-his-doctor-say-take-some-weight-off-go-to-health-club-the-man-lost-20-pounds-in-one-week-the-machine-tore-his-leg-off-henny-youngman
a-polish-man-had-bandage-on-each-ear-what-happened-i-was-ironing-phone-rang-what-about-other-ear-had-to-call-doctor-henny-youngman
i-went-out-with-girl-last-night-she-wasnt-lana-turner-she-was-more-stomach-turner-henny-youngman
a-tough-guy-told-me-ill-bet-you-10-youre-dead-i-was-afraid-to-bet-him-henny-youngman
two-santa-clauses-on-corner-how-can-you-tell-polish-one-the-one-with-easter-basket-henny-youngman
i-came-home-car-was-in-dining-room-how-did-you-get-car-in-here-easy-i-took-left-at-kitchen-henny-youngman
my-wife-has-black-belt-in-shopping-henny-youngman
i-was-just-in-london-there-is-6-hour-time-difference-im-still-confused-when-i-go-to-dinner-i-feel-sexy-when-i-go-to-bed-i-feel-hungry-henny-youngman
if-i-had-blood-id-blush-henny-youngman
most-girls-are-attracted-to-simple-things-in-life-like-men-henny-youngman
a-motel-is-where-you-give-up-good-dollars-for-bad-quarters-henny-youngman
when-i-go-to-restaurant-i-always-ask-manager-give-me-table-near-waiter-henny-youngman
i-wish-my-brother-would-learn-trade-i-would-know-what-kind-work-hes-out-henny-youngman
my-brotherinlaw-had-to-give-up-his-last-job-because-illness-his-boss-became-sick-him-henny-youngman
my-wife-is-sweetest-most-tolerant-most-beautiful-woman-in-world-this-is-paid-political-announcement-henny-youngman
i-miss-my-wifes-cooking-as-often-as-i-can-henny-youngman
my-best-friend-ran-away-with-my-wife-let-me-tell-you-i-miss-him-henny-youngman
i-have-lovely-room-bath-in-hotel-its-little-inconvenient-theyre-in-two-separate-buildings-henny-youngman
i-dont-believe-in-reincarnation-but-what-were-you-when-you-were-alive-henny-youngman
a-jewish-woman-had-two-chickens-one-got-sick-woman-made-chicken-soup-out-other-one-to-help-sick-one-get-well-henny-youngman
when-man-opens-car-door-for-his-wife-its-either-new-car-new-wife-my-wife-dresses-to-kill-she-cooks-same-way-henny-youngman
my-brother-then-opened-tall-mans-shop-in-tokyo-henny-youngman
my-brother-then-bought-1000-japanese-cameras-they-all-go-crick-henny-youngman
a-bomb-fell-on-italy-it-slid-off-henny-youngman
during-war-italian-girl-saved-my-life-she-hid-me-in-her-basement-in-cleveland-henny-youngman
why-does-new-italian-navy-have-glass-bottom-boats-to-see-old-italian-navy-henny-youngman
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