Jarod Kintz Quotes

dont-go-looking-for-pancakes-when-you-have-flapjacks-at-home

i-want-to-meet-a-guy-named-art-id-take-him-to-a-museum-hang-him-on-the-wall-criticize-him-and-leave

my-favorite-color-on-canvas-is-nudity

when-i-saw-you-i-saw-love-when-i-saw-you-naked-i-saw-lust-when-i-saw-you-with-my-clone-in-a-dream-i-saw-the-future

i-may-not-be-a-horse-whisperer-but-i-certainly-can-and-do-shout-at-unicorns

if-you-work-in-a-hospital-you-cant-easily-fake-call-in-sick-to-work-oh-youre-sick-well-why-dont-you-come-in-to-work-and-well-have-a-look-at-it

if-i-can-delay-your-action-with-my-inaction-then-ill-gladly-do-nothing-for-the-good-of-the-no-good

the-us-is-about-to-go-all-billy-the-kid-inflation-is-going-to-keep-shooting-up

i-cut-an-inch-off-of-every-straw-i-see-just-to-make-the-world-suck-a-little-less

all-men-are-created-equal-some-just-have-more-splenda

i-want-to-do-something-spontaneous-like-combust

if-i-have-to-beat-you-up-to-keep-you-safe-thats-just-what-ill-do-its-this-kind-of-regard-for-others-that-makes-me-believe-id-be-a-good-politician

whether-you-live-to-be-50-or-100-makes-no-difference-if-you-made-no-difference-in-the-world

there-are-an-infinite-number-of-reasons-to-say-no-instead-try-to-focus-on-one-good-reason-to-say-yes

im-at-the-top-of-my-game-and-that-game-is-monopoly-im-standing-on-the-board-right-now

if-i-promise-you-ill-show-up-fifteen-minutes-late-ill-always-arrive-on-time

i-want-my-time-to-be-taken-up-by-chores-errands-appointments-and-arguments-in-other-words-i-want-to-get-married

my-girlfriend-bought-be-a-collared-shirt-for-my-birthday-mainly-so-i-dont-get-too-far-ahead-of-her-when-she-takes-me-for-a-walk

return-something-not-for-the-possibility-of-a-reward-but-for-the-joy-of-giving-a-gift-which-you-did-not-have-to-pay-for

i-cut-my-hair-so-it-looks-like-i-just-woke-up-all-the-time-so-that-i-can-be-like-what-year-is-it-ive-been-asleep-since-the-80s

the-only-problem-with-politicians-taking-two-week-vacations-every-year-is-its-about-50-weeks-too-short

i-want-to-be-happy-and-sad-at-the-same-time-yeah-i-know-it-sounds-sappy

too-much-nudity-is-a-turn-off-especially-if-all-that-flesh-is-on-one-person

if-sex-were-shoes-id-wear-you-out-but-i-wouldnt-wear-you-out-in-public

my-two-favorite-colors-of-the-rainbow-are-gold-and-leprechaun

i-went-to-a-football-game-once-and-got-punched-in-the-face-but-you-couldnt-tell-because-i-was-already-sitting-in-the-nosebleed-section

a-hotel-is-a-temporary-aquarium-for-people-thats-why-i-travel-with-a-fishing-pole-and-erectile-dysfunction-medicine

i-like-my-relationships-like-i-like-my-eggs-over-easy

economist-should-be-spelled-echonomist-because-they-all-repeat-each-other

never-let-go-of-a-good-thing-without-a-fight-especially-if-that-good-thing-is-a-pair-of-boxing-gloves

no-matter-how-much-water-a-sink-takes-on-it-never-lives-up-to-its-name-the-titanic-would-never-have-sunk-if-it-were-made-out-of-a-sink

if-i-tell-you-i-want-to-be-a-doortodoor-salesman-dont-knock-it

i-dont-like-crude-oil-because-its-so-vulgar

if-i-told-you-ive-worked-hard-to-get-where-im-at-id-be-lying-because-i-have-no-idea-where-i-am-right-now

the-other-day-i-went-to-the-huddle-house-i-wasnt-hungry-i-just-wanted-to-call-some-plays

the-only-reason-my-wife-agreed-to-marry-me-is-because-christian-bale-wasnt-around-to-propose-to-her

the-dollar-isnt-worth-its-weight-in-gold-and-the-pound-isnt-worth-its-weight-in-ounces

im-trying-to-overcome-my-ocd-by-replacing-my-neurosis-with-three-other-letters

if-my-name-were-c-ross-id-definitely-be-religious-jarod-kintz

i-want-to-read-employment-section-bible-i-think-its-simply-called-job-jarod-kintz

im-such-alcoholic-that-i-go-to-church-just-for-communion-jarod-kintz

i-found-your-love-like-i-found-religion-in-aluminum-trashcan-in-middle-utah-desert-jarod-kintz

ive-often-wondered-why-protestant-reformation-took-place-in-germany-rather-than-in-poland-then-i-realize-that-luther-had-to-nail-his-95-theses-to-church-door-poles-didnt-know-how

if-religion-is-crutch-then-society-is-broken-foot-jarod-kintz

the-fastest-way-to-lose-weight-is-to-find-religion-start-fasting-jarod-kintz

the-quickest-way-to-alter-altar-is-not-with-hammer-even-religious-deconstruction-but-with-typo-jarod-kintz

catholic-episcopalian-i-wont-have-sects-with-you-jarod-kintz

the-only-class-i-studied-religiously-was-christianity-101-jarod-kintz

when-i-think-middle-ages-i-think-castles-catholicism-taking-your-kids-to-soccer-practice-jarod-kintz

some-people-think-nature-is-their-god-id-like-to-apologize-to-all-those-people-for-pissing-on-their-religion-jarod-kintz

what-i-got-out-church-was-love-god-detestable-feeling-for-men-standing-in-way-him-buffet-in-banquet-hall-stand-asideim-starving-jarod-kintz

i-had-religious-experience-at-crosswalk-jarod-kintz

rot-figured-why-be-little-fish-in-big-pond-big-fish-in-little-pond-when-you-could-be-fisherman-in-boat-on-any-pond-drinking-beer-living-life-way-god-intended-rot-was-deeply-relig

thirteen-us-ate-supper-then-one-us-died-unfortunately-he-did-not-rise-from-dead-to-pay-his-dinner-bill-and-he-wasnt-only-one-to-skip-out-without-paying-but-surely-one-eleven-grac

is-there-word-halfway-between-hello-goodbye-because-thats-word-my-soul-is-trying-to-say-jarod-kintz

do-i-own-my-soul-would-two-my-clones-jarod-kintz

every-man-has-soul-but-will-every-mans-clone-have-soul-no-because-me-some-scientists-will-have-sucked-them-out-in-lab-why-sell-your-soul-to-devil-when-you-can-sell-your-clones-so

when-your-soul-gets-dry-you-could-either-water-it-with-alcohol-love-you-could-use-water-but-rememberthere-can-only-be-one-michael-phelps-jarod-kintz

i-love-you-like-my-soul-is-not-moon-its-brighter-bigger-jarod-kintz

coffee-has-way-waking-my-soul-much-like-drinking-liquid-heaven-would-jarod-kintz

i-used-to-think-that-satan-all-fallen-angels-were-most-evil-beings-in-universe-now-i-think-its-absurd-naive-to-think-that-oh-satan-exists-but-hes-puppy-dog-compared-to-politician

i-ate-satan-then-shit-out-snake-jarod-kintz

the-devil-appears-in-many-forms-but-most-nefarious-all-are-tax-forms-jarod-kintz

god-created-heavens-while-devil-created-doubt-here-is-short-list-lucifers-other-notable-inventions-matches-lighter-flamethrower-george-burns-jarod-kintz

do-you-ever-wonder-if-youre-antichrist-i-do-not-for-myself-course-but-i-think-youre-devil-jarod-kintz

i-think-we-should-keep-politics-out-church-back-in-hell-where-it-belongs-jarod-kintz

i-saw-sign-from-god-it-said-church-starts-at-800-am-i-cried-out-to-god-saying-i-cant-make-it-because-thats-too-late-eight-am-is-two-hours-past-my-bedtime-i-had-no-idea-god-was-su

im-willing-to-die-for-my-beliefs-but-over-course-lifetime-not-all-at-once-right-now-jarod-kintz

after-im-dead-i-want-to-ghostwrite-my-autobiography-jarod-kintz

my-love-disappeared-along-with-evidence-her-dead-body-jarod-kintz

going-down-my-list-notable-women-in-my-life-we-come-to-y-y-for-yolanda-as-you-might-have-prophetically-foretold-we-met-at-y-ymca-she-looked-like-beaver-smelled-like-skunk-may-may

youll-know-economy-is-dead-when-industry-stops-escalators-turn-into-stairs-thatll-be-day-slinkies-take-over-world-jarod-kintz

if-somebody-wanted-me-dead-id-try-to-convince-them-to-wait-25-years-for-technology-to-arrive-they-can-go-kill-my-clone-its-winwin-for-me-them-but-not-for-my-other-me-jarod-kintz

i-love-how-sincere-she-is-she-makes-mannequin-look-like-mother-theresa-though-she-looks-better-naked-and-i-hope-she-thinks-i-look-better-naked-than-dead-woman-jarod-kintz

if-my-house-were-burning-down-one-thing-id-take-with-me-is-my-vast-collection-smoke-i-consider-smoke-souls-dead-cigarettes-my-lovers-have-exhaled-jarod-kintz

who-would-you-rather-make-love-tome-dead-carcass-deer-dont-deliver-hasty-answer-think-it-over-jarod-kintz

as-atheist-hates-christmas-i-hate-fourth-july-jarod-kintz

i-had-dream-about-you-we-made-love-like-christmas-on-december-26-we-made-it-but-we-missed-it-jarod-kintz

for-christmas-i-got-new-socks-i-peeled-them-off-dead-body-jarod-kintz

when-i-get-to-heaven-i-see-being-light-im-going-to-ask-him-if-hes-urologist-jarod-kintz

is-love-gift-from-heaven-if-it-is-its-often-wrapped-in-disinterest-rejection-jarod-kintz

i-wrote-zen-koan-once-about-love-but-it-didnt-make-any-sense-thats-how-i-knew-i-had-accurately-described-love-jarod-kintz

a-sand-trap-is-like-politician-in-its-duality-it-represents-two-opposing-viewpoints-you-see-it-was-designed-to-trap-your-ball-so-it-exists-to-have-balls-land-in-it-but-it-was-als

my-humble-spirit-takes-shape-as-mashed-potatoes-on-side-i-already-ate-instructions-jarod-kintz

a-tennis-racket-is-trampoline-for-tennis-ball-my-favorite-score-is-loveall-because-thats-right-thing-to-do-as-christian-overpopulationist-jarod-kintz

her-name-is-faith-thats-what-i-believe-it-to-be-jarod-kintz

i-have-lot-faith-i-mean-i-believe-i-do-jarod-kintz

i-havent-personally-met-god-yet-but-when-i-do-ill-ask-him-if-he-still-believes-in-you-im-sure-he-does-jarod-kintz

i-believe-i-am-witness-to-invisible-man-because-i-saw-nothing-im-just-as-reliable-unreliableas-helen-keller-jarod-kintz

i-am-qorj-love-if-you-find-that-hard-to-believe-then-id-like-to-sell-you-bible-jarod-kintz

everything-can-be-used-as-weapon-including-love-my-love-looks-like-butter-knife-but-i-assure-you-it-is-quite-deadly-i-would-demonstrate-but-im-right-in-middle-making-peanut-butte

love-is-shapeless-colorless-tasteless-odorless-but-is-god-how-can-you-believe-in-one-not-other-jarod-kintz

usa-was-founded-in-1776-or-i-was-told-i-wasnt-actually-there-i-have-to-believe-history-books-same-history-books-that-are-full-american-propaganda-lies-jarod-kintz

the-woman-in-this-photo-cant-believe-what-shes-hearing-and-since-its-photo-i-cant-hear-what-shes-not-believing-ill-bet-she-doesnt-believe-shes-not-killer-jarod-kintz

life-dont-count-minutes-count-your-blessings-jarod-kintz

man-is-somewhere-in-between-god-animal-jarod-is-somewhere-in-between-jar-jason-one-which-i-keep-chained-up-in-my-freezer-jarod-kintz

he-said-he-thinks-hes-god-i-said-in-that-case-im-atheist-jarod-kintz

men-are-fleas-in-gray-beard-god-im-just-itching-to-meet-him-jarod-kintz

what-i-call-talking-to-god-you-may-call-talking-to-myself-of-course-im-flattered-that-youd-think-i-am-god-jarod-kintz

nearly-all-men-i-admire-are-dead-because-admiration-is-fueled-by-mystery-and-whats-more-mysterious-than-death-nothing-well-besides-women-course-jarod-kintz