dont-go-looking-for-pancakes-when-you-have-flapjacks-at-home
i-want-to-meet-a-guy-named-art-id-take-him-to-a-museum-hang-him-on-the-wall-criticize-him-and-leave
when-i-saw-you-i-saw-love-when-i-saw-you-naked-i-saw-lust-when-i-saw-you-with-my-clone-in-a-dream-i-saw-the-future
i-may-not-be-a-horse-whisperer-but-i-certainly-can-and-do-shout-at-unicorns
if-you-work-in-a-hospital-you-cant-easily-fake-call-in-sick-to-work-oh-youre-sick-well-why-dont-you-come-in-to-work-and-well-have-a-look-at-it
if-i-can-delay-your-action-with-my-inaction-then-ill-gladly-do-nothing-for-the-good-of-the-no-good
the-us-is-about-to-go-all-billy-the-kid-inflation-is-going-to-keep-shooting-up
i-cut-an-inch-off-of-every-straw-i-see-just-to-make-the-world-suck-a-little-less
all-men-are-created-equal-some-just-have-more-splenda
if-i-have-to-beat-you-up-to-keep-you-safe-thats-just-what-ill-do-its-this-kind-of-regard-for-others-that-makes-me-believe-id-be-a-good-politician
whether-you-live-to-be-50-or-100-makes-no-difference-if-you-made-no-difference-in-the-world
there-are-an-infinite-number-of-reasons-to-say-no-instead-try-to-focus-on-one-good-reason-to-say-yes
im-at-the-top-of-my-game-and-that-game-is-monopoly-im-standing-on-the-board-right-now
if-i-promise-you-ill-show-up-fifteen-minutes-late-ill-always-arrive-on-time
i-want-my-time-to-be-taken-up-by-chores-errands-appointments-and-arguments-in-other-words-i-want-to-get-married
my-girlfriend-bought-be-a-collared-shirt-for-my-birthday-mainly-so-i-dont-get-too-far-ahead-of-her-when-she-takes-me-for-a-walk
return-something-not-for-the-possibility-of-a-reward-but-for-the-joy-of-giving-a-gift-which-you-did-not-have-to-pay-for
i-cut-my-hair-so-it-looks-like-i-just-woke-up-all-the-time-so-that-i-can-be-like-what-year-is-it-ive-been-asleep-since-the-80s
the-only-problem-with-politicians-taking-two-week-vacations-every-year-is-its-about-50-weeks-too-short
i-want-to-be-happy-and-sad-at-the-same-time-yeah-i-know-it-sounds-sappy
too-much-nudity-is-a-turn-off-especially-if-all-that-flesh-is-on-one-person
if-sex-were-shoes-id-wear-you-out-but-i-wouldnt-wear-you-out-in-public
my-two-favorite-colors-of-the-rainbow-are-gold-and-leprechaun
i-went-to-a-football-game-once-and-got-punched-in-the-face-but-you-couldnt-tell-because-i-was-already-sitting-in-the-nosebleed-section
a-hotel-is-a-temporary-aquarium-for-people-thats-why-i-travel-with-a-fishing-pole-and-erectile-dysfunction-medicine
economist-should-be-spelled-echonomist-because-they-all-repeat-each-other
never-let-go-of-a-good-thing-without-a-fight-especially-if-that-good-thing-is-a-pair-of-boxing-gloves
no-matter-how-much-water-a-sink-takes-on-it-never-lives-up-to-its-name-the-titanic-would-never-have-sunk-if-it-were-made-out-of-a-sink
if-i-tell-you-i-want-to-be-a-doortodoor-salesman-dont-knock-it
if-i-told-you-ive-worked-hard-to-get-where-im-at-id-be-lying-because-i-have-no-idea-where-i-am-right-now
the-other-day-i-went-to-the-huddle-house-i-wasnt-hungry-i-just-wanted-to-call-some-plays
the-only-reason-my-wife-agreed-to-marry-me-is-because-christian-bale-wasnt-around-to-propose-to-her
the-dollar-isnt-worth-its-weight-in-gold-and-the-pound-isnt-worth-its-weight-in-ounces
im-trying-to-overcome-my-ocd-by-replacing-my-neurosis-with-three-other-letters
i-want-to-read-employment-section-bible-i-think-its-simply-called-job-jarod-kintz
im-such-alcoholic-that-i-go-to-church-just-for-communion-jarod-kintz
i-found-your-love-like-i-found-religion-in-aluminum-trashcan-in-middle-utah-desert-jarod-kintz
if-religion-is-crutch-then-society-is-broken-foot-jarod-kintz
the-fastest-way-to-lose-weight-is-to-find-religion-start-fasting-jarod-kintz
the-quickest-way-to-alter-altar-is-not-with-hammer-even-religious-deconstruction-but-with-typo-jarod-kintz
catholic-episcopalian-i-wont-have-sects-with-you-jarod-kintz
the-only-class-i-studied-religiously-was-christianity-101-jarod-kintz
