Joan Rivers Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
comediennes-are-the-lucky-ones-because-if-youre-funny-you-can-be-125-years-old-and-they-will-still-accept-you
i-hate-housework-you-make-the-beds-you-do-the-dishes-and-six-months-later-you-have-to-start-all-over-again
if-god-wanted-us-to-bend-over-hed-put-diamonds-on-the-floor
thank-god-were-living-in-a-country-where-the-skys-the-limit-the-stores-are-open-late-and-you-can-shop-in-bed-thanks-to-television
yesterday-is-history-tomorrow-is-a-mystery-today-is-gods-gift-thats-why-we-call-it-the-present
i-dont-excercise-if-god-had-wanted-me-to-bend-over-he-would-have-put-diamonds-on-the-floor
my-best-birth-control-now-is-just-to-leave-the-lights-on
the-first-time-i-see-a-jogger-smiling-ill-consider-it
is-elizabeth-taylor-fat-her-favorite-food-is-seconds
i-enjoy-life-when-things-are-happening-i-dont-care-if-its-good-things-or-bad-things-that-means-youre-alive
dont-talk-to-me-about-valentines-day-at-my-age-an-affair-of-the-heart-is-a-bypass
anger-is-a-symptom-a-way-of-cloaking-and-expressing-feelings-too-awful-to-experience-directly-hurt-bitterness-grief-and-most-of-all-fear
our-natures-are-a-lot-like-oil-mix-us-with-anything-else-and-we-strive-to-swim-on-top
trust-your-husband-adore-your-husband-and-get-as-much-as-you-can-in-your-own-name
you-make-the-beds-you-do-the-dishes-and-six-months-later-you-have-to-start-all-over-again
he-who-limps-is-still-walking
shes-so-pure-moses-couldnt-even-part-her-knees
the-one-thing-women-dont-want-to-find-in-their-stockings-on-christmas-morning-is-their-husband
i-finally-found-out-how-priests-get-holy-water-they-boil-the-hell-out-of-it
a-man-can-sleep-around-no-questions-asked-but-if-a-woman-makes-nineteen-or-twenty-mistakes-shes-a-tramp
before-we-make-love-my-husband-takes-a-pain-killer
i-wish-i-had-a-twin-so-i-could-know-what-id-look-like-without-plastic-surgery
i-always-like-charity-with-people-who-dont-speak-english-because-i-get-them-to-do-all-kinds-things-around-my-house-joan-rivers
life-is-movie-youre-star-give-it-happy-ending-joan-rivers
life-is-hard-and-we-better-laugh-at-everything-otherwise-were-going-down-tube-joan-rivers
i-have-wonderful-psychiatrist-that-i-see-maybe-once-year-because-i-dont-need-it-it-all-comes-out-onstage-joan-rivers
half-all-marriages-end-in-divorce-then-there-are-really-unhappy-ones-joan-rivers
i-saw-whats-going-on-under-my-chin-i-dont-want-to-be-one-president-has-to-pardon-on-thanksgiving-joan-rivers
my-love-life-is-like-piece-swiss-cheese-most-its-missing-whats-there-stinks-joan-rivers
life-is-tough-if-you-dont-laugh-its-tough-joan-rivers
dogs-are-easier-to-love-than-people-theyre-certainly-more-dependable-once-they-love-you-thats-it-a-true-friend-in-life-is-dog-joan-rivers
my-sex-life-is-bad-my-gspot-has-been-declared-historical-landmark-joan-rivers
to-maintain-success-stamina-is-more-important-than-talent-you-have-to-learn-to-be-marathon-runner-joan-rivers
after-we-made-love-he-took-piece-chalk-made-outline-my-body-joan-rivers
its-been-long-since-i-made-love-i-cant-even-remember-who-gets-tied-up-joan-rivers
the-people-voting-for-oscars-are-old-i-havent-seen-one-academy-award-voter-with-tampon-in-her-purse-joan-rivers
if-i-found-her-floating-in-my-pool-id-punish-my-dog-joan-rivers
grandchildren-can-be-annoying-how-many-times-can-you-go-and-cow-goes-moo-pig-goes-oink-its-like-talking-to-supermodel-joan-rivers
when-man-has-birthday-he-takes-day-off-when-woman-has-birthday-she-takes-at-least-three-years-off-joan-rivers
a-study-says-owning-dog-makes-you-10-years-younger-my-first-thought-was-to-rescue-two-more-but-i-dont-want-to-go-through-menopause-again-joan-rivers
i-am-definitely-going-to-watch-emmys-this-year-my-makeup-team-is-nominated-for-best-special-effects-joan-rivers
my-mother-told-me-man-on-top-woman-underneath-for-years-my-husband-i-slept-in-bunk-beds-joan-rivers
a-female-salmon-lays-three-thousand-eggs-year-has-yet-to-receive-mothers-day-card-from-one-them-joan-rivers
i-wear-midi-because-i-feel-if-youre-going-to-look-ugly-you-may-as-well-look-this-years-ugly-joan-rivers
old-age-is-always-ten-years-more-than-we-are-joan-rivers
al-roker-said-i-am-80-years-young-its-like-saying-al-roker-is-320-pounds-thin-joan-rivers
since-i-met-him-ten-years-ago-there-hasnt-been-day-that-i-didnt-think-george-burns-and-i-didnt-think-him-again-today-joan-rivers
i-was-just-reading-about-new-lindsay-lohan-diet-which-is-all-liquid-80-proof-joan-rivers
i-cant-like-watching-project-runway-with-heidi-klum-theres-just-something-wrong-about-german-woman-saying-who-goes-who-stays-joan-rivers
two-is-company-three-is-fifty-bucks-joan-rivers
having-baby-is-definitely-labor-love-joan-rivers
comedy-exists-to-laugh-at-things-that-arent-laughable-but-isnt-it-thats-what-separates-us-from-animals-we-laugh-joan-rivers
a-child-can-be-taught-not-to-do-certain-things-such-as-touch-hot-stove-pull-lamps-off-tables-wake-mommy-before-noon-joan-rivers
with-age-comes-wisdom-you-dont-need-big-boobs-to-be-feminine-look-at-liberace-joan-rivers
dont-worry-about-money-love-process-joan-rivers
i-felt-comedy-ego-beginning-to-grow-which-gave-me-courage-to-begin-tentatively-looking-into-myself-for-material-joan-rivers
heres-thanksgiving-tip-generally-your-turkey-is-not-cooked-enough-if-it-passes-you-cranberry-sauce-joan-rivers
everyone-needs-facelift-except-if-you-are-from-brooklyn-then-you-need-nose-job-joan-rivers
i-hate-billings-montana-they-have-fashion-show-at-sears-roebuck-joan-rivers
i-think-any-celebrity-that-adopts-child-from-third-world-country-is-fool-joan-rivers
i-said-justin-bieber-looked-like-little-lesbian-i-stand-by-it-hes-daughter-cher-wishes-shed-had-joan-rivers
tom-cruise-katie-holmes-had-baby-he-was-there-for-birth-it-wouldve-been-nice-if-he-was-there-for-conception-joan-rivers
when-told-that-her-grandchild-had-her-nose-i-didnt-get-this-nose-until-i-was-thirtyfour-joan-rivers
anger-is-symptom-way-cloaking-expressing-feelings-too-awful-to-experience-directly-hurt-bitterness-grief-most-all-fear-joan-rivers
forty-for-you-sixty-for-me-and-equal-partners-we-will-be-joan-rivers
some-women-take-up-law-become-lawyers-other-women-lay-down-law-become-wives-joan-rivers
comedy-is-truth-we-should-not-apologize-for-it-joan-rivers
comedy-is-rough-beat-its-no-holds-barred-as-it-should-be-joan-rivers
maybe-im-oldfashioned-but-i-believe-when-woman-enters-room-men-should-stand-up-gay-men-should-stand-up-at-least-halfway-joan-rivers
you-know-youve-reached-middle-age-when-youre-cautioned-to-slow-down-by-your-doctor-instead-by-police-joan-rivers
my-father-was-doctor-i-was-around-death-all-my-life-so-i-was-used-to-it-because-he-was-fking-doctor-joan-rivers
why-should-woman-cook-so-her-husband-can-say-my-wife-makes-delicious-cake-to-some-hooker-joan-rivers
why-should-i-cook-for-my-husband-so-he-can-tell-hooker-i-make-delicious-cake-joan-rivers
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