I didn't know how I could live with that knowledge, without it eating me up, without it poisoning every happy memory I had of growing up. Without it ruining everything Beck and I had. I didn't understand how someone could be both God and the devil. How the same person could destroy you and save you. When everything I was, good and bad, was knotted with threads of his making, how was I supposed to know whether to love or hate him?
It was about falling asleep with Sam's chest pressed against my back so I could feel his heart slow to match mine. It was about growing up and realizing that the feel of his arms around me, the smell of him when he was sleeping, the sound of his breathing -- that was home and everything I wanted at the end of the day. It wasn't the same as being with him and we were awake.
I stare at him. "You can't risk not winning. Not because of me." Sean doesn't lift his eyes from the counter. "We make our move when you make yours. You on the inside, me on the outside. Corr can come from the middle of the pack; he's done it before. It's one side you won't have to worry about." I say, "I will not be your weakness, Sean Kendrick." Now he looks at me. He Says, very softly, "It's late for that, Puck.
He slouched back in his seat, looking tired, and leaned his face on his shoulder to look at me while he played with my hair. He started to hum a song, and then, after a few bars, he sang it. Quietly, sort of half-sung, half-spoken, incredibly gentle. I didn't catch all the words, but it was about his summer girl. Me. Maybe his forever girl. His yellow eyes were half-lidded as he sang, and in that golden moment, hanging taut in the middle of an icecovered landscape like a single bubble of summer nectar, I could see how my life could be stretched out in front of me.
slouched quotesback quotesseat quotestired quotesleaned quotesface quotesshoulder quotesplayed quoteshair quotesstarted quoteshum quotessong quotesbars quotessang quotesquietly quotessort quoteshalfsung quoteshalfspoken quotesincredibly quotesgentle quotescatch quoteswords quotessummer quotesgirl quotesforever quotesyellow quoteseyes quoteshalflidded quotessang quotesgolden quotesmoment quoteshanging quotestaut quotesmiddle quotesicecovered quoteslandscape quotessingle quotesbubble quotesnectar quoteslife quotesstretched quotesfront quotes
I could still smell her on my fur. It clung to me, a memory of another world. I was drunk with it, with the scent of her. I'd got too close. The smell of summer on her skin, the half-recalled cadence of her voice, the sensation of her fingers on my fur. Every bit of me sang with the memory of her closeness. Too close. I couldn't stay away.
The thing I was beginning to figure out about Sam and Grace, the thing about Sam not being able to function without her, was that that sort of love only worked when you were sure both people would always be around for each other. If one half of the equation left, or died, or was slightly less perfect in their love, it became the most tragic, pathetic story invented, laughable in its absurdity. Without Grace, Sam was a joke without a punch line.
thing quotesbeginning quotesfigure quotessam quotesgrace quotesfunction quotessort quoteslove quotesworked quotespeople quoteshalf quotesequation quotesleft quotesdied quotesslightly quotesperfect quoteslove quotestragic quotespathetic quotesstory quotesinvented quoteslaughable quotesabsurdity quotesjoke quotespunch quotesline quotes
Afterward, Isabel drove me home and I shut myself in the study with Rilke, and I read and I wanted. And leaving you (there arent words to untangle it) Your life, fearful and immense and blossoming, So that, sometimes frustrated, and sometimes understanding Your life is sometimes a stone in you, and then, a star I was beginning to undertand poetry.
afterward quotesisabel quotesdrove quoteshome quotesshut quotesstudy quotesrilke quotesread quoteswanted quotesleaving quotesarent quoteswords quotesuntangle quoteslife quotesfearful quotesimmense quotesblossoming quotesfrustrated quotesunderstanding quoteslife quotesstone quotesstar quotesbeginning quotesundertand quotespoetry quotes
Sea does the sweep of his eyes that he does, the one that goes from my head to my toes and back again and makes me feel that he's scanning the depths of my soul and teasing out my motivations and sins. It's worse than confession with Father Mooneyham. At the end of it, he says, "If you help, this will go faster.
Sean pushes up to his feet and stands there. I look at his dirty boots. Now I've offended him, I think. He says, "Other people have never been important to me, Kate Connolly. Puck Connolly." I tip my face up to look at him, finally. The blanket falls off my shoulders, and my hat, too, loosened by the wind. I can't read his expression--his narrow eyes make it difficult. I say, "And now?" Kendrick reaches to turn up the collar on his jacket. He doesn't smile, but he's not as close to frowning as usual. "Thanks for the cake.
sean quotespushes quotesfeet quotesstands quotesdirty quotesboots quotesoffended quotespeople quotesimportant quoteskate quotesconnolly quotespuck quotesconnolly quotestip quotesface quotesfinally quotesblanket quotesfalls quotesshoulders quoteshat quotesloosened quoteswind quotesread quotesexpressionhis quotesnarrow quoteseyes quotesmake quotesdifficult quoteskendrick quotesreaches quotesturn quotescollar quotesjacket quotessmile quotesclose quotesfrowning quotesusual quotescake quotes
Being Adam Parrish was a complicated thing, a wonder of muscles and organs, synapses and nerves. He was a miracle of moving parts, a study in survival. The most important thing to Adam Parrish, though, had always been free will, the ability to be his own master. This was the important thing. It had always been the important thing. This was what it was to be Adam.
He spiked the dirt, twisted out the deformed rose, tossed it aside. His palms sweated. 'Sorry, ' Persephone suggested. 'Pardon?' She murmured, 'You should say sorry when you kill something.' It took him a moment to realize she meant the rose. 'It was dying anyway.' 'Dying and dead are different words.' Shamed, Adam muttered an apology...
spiked quotesdirt quotestwisted quotesdeformed quotesrose quotestossed quotespalms quotessweated quotessorry quotes quotespersephone quotessuggested quotespardon quotesmurmured quotesyou quoteskill quotessomething quotesmoment quotesrealize quotesmeant quotesrose quotesit quotesdying quotesanyway quotesdying quotesdead quoteswords quotesshamed quotesadam quotesmuttered quotesapology quotes
She tapped out a beat on the edge of the piano as I tripped and plummeted through the refrain of 'Spacebar, ' trying to translate the synth chords into a piano bit on the fly. It had been a million years since I'd played it. But it was still catchy. Whoever had written this song had known what they were doing.
While I pressed the tissue to my face, Beck said, 'Can I tell you something? There are a lot of empty boxes in your head, Sam.' I looked at him, quizzical. Again, it was a strange enough concept to hold my attention. 'There are a lot of empty boxes in there, and you can put things in them.' Beck handed me another tissue for the other side of my face. My trust of Beck at that point was not yet complete; I remember thinking that he was making a very bad joke that I wasn't getting. My voice sounded wary, even to me. 'What kinds of things?' 'Sad things, ' Beck said. 'Do you have a lot of sad things in your head?' 'No, ' I said. Beck sucked in his lower lip and released it slowly. 'Well, I do.' This was shocking. I didn't ask a question, but I tilted toward him. 'And these things would make me cry, ' Beck continued. 'They used to make me cry all day long.' I remembered thinking this was probably a lie. I could not imagine Beck crying. He was a rock. Even then, his fingers braced against the floor, he looked poised, sure, immutable. 'You don't believe me? Ask Ulrik. He had to deal with it, ' Beck said. 'And so you know what I did with those sad things? I put them in boxes. I put the sad things in the boxes in my head, and I closed them up and I put tape on them and I stacked them up in the corner and threw a blanket over them.' 'Brain tape?' I suggested, with a little smirk. I was eight, after all. Beck smiled, a weird private smile that, at the time, I didn't understand. Now I knew it was relief at eliciting a joke from me, no matter how pitiful the joke was. 'Yes, brain tape. And a brain blanket over the top. Now I don't have to look at those sad things anymore. I could open those boxes sometime, I guess, if I wanted to, but mostly I just leave them sealed up.' 'How did you use the brain tape?' 'You have to imagine it. Imagine putting those sad things in the boxes and imagine taping it up with the brain tape. And imagine pushing them into the side of your brain, where you won't trip over them when you're thinking normally, and then toss a blanket over the top. Do you have sad things, Sam?' I could see the dusty corner of my brain where the boxes sat. They were all wardrobe boxes, because those were the most interesting sort of boxes - tall enough to make houses with - and there were rolls and rolls of brain tape stacked on top. There were razors lying beside them, waiting to cut the boxes and me back open. 'Mom, ' I whispered. I wasn't looking at Beck, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw him swallow. 'What else?' he asked, barely loud enough for me to hear. 'The water, ' I said. I closed my eyes. I could see it, right there, and I had to force out the next word. 'My ... ' My fingers were on my scars. Beck reached out a hand toward my shoulder, hesitant. When I didn't move away, he put an arm around my back and I leaned against his chest, feeling small and eight and broken. 'Me, ' I said.
pressed quotestissue quotesface quotesbeck quotescan quoteslot quotesempty quotesboxes quoteshead quotessam quoteslooked quotesquizzical quotesstrange quotesconcept quoteshold quotesattention quotesthere quotesput quotesthings quotesthem quoteshanded quotesside quotesface quotestrust quotespoint quotescomplete quotesremember quotesthinking quotesmaking quotesbad quotesjoke quotesvoice quotessounded quoteswary quoteswhat quoteskinds quotesthings quotessad quotesthings quotes quotesdo quotessad quoteshead quotesno quotessucked quoteslower quoteslip quotesreleased quotesslowly quoteswell quotesdo quotesshocking quotesquestion quotestilted quotesand quotesmake quotescry quotescontinued quotesthey quotescry quotesday quoteslong quotesremembered quoteslie quotesimagine quotescrying quotesrock quotesfingers quotesbraced quotesfloor quotespoised quotesimmutable quotesyou quotesulrik quotesdeal quotesthings quotesboxes quotesclosed quotestape quotesstacked quotescorner quotesthrew quotesblanket quotesbrain quotestape quotessuggested quotessmirk quotessmiled quotesweird quotesprivate quotessmile quotestime quotesunderstand quotesknew quotesrelief quoteseliciting quotesmatter quotespitiful quotesyes quotesbrain quotestape quotestop quotesanymore quotesopen quotesguess quoteswanted quotesleave quotessealed quotesup quoteshow quotesimagine quotesputting quotestaping quotespushing quotesbrain quotestrip quotestoss quotessam quotesdusty quotessat quoteswardrobe quotesboxes quotesinteresting quotessort quotestall quoteshouses quotesrolls quotesrazors quoteslying quoteswaiting quotescut quotesback quotesopen quotesmom quoteswhispered quotesbeck quoteseye quotesswallow quoteselse quotesasked quotesbarely quotesloud quoteshear quotesthe quoteswater quoteseyes quotesforce quotesword quotesmy quotesscars quotesreached quoteshand quotesshoulder quoteshesitant quotesmove quotesarm quotesleaned quoteschest quotesfeeling quotessmall quotesbroken quotesme quotes
Self-confidence is not the same thing as ego. This is not to say that the two don't (frequently) dance hand in hand down the street, pushing over old ladies in crosswalks and kicking baby kittens. But they are definitely not the same entity. Ego is thinking you have all the answers. Self-confidence is knowing you don't have the answers, but being pretty sure that you will be able to find them.
Unrequited love, " I'd say. He'd look at me sideways in that cunning way he did and say, "what about it?" and I'd reply, "it's not your color." Pithy. Just to show him that I'd noticed. Or maybe I'd show myself to her and say, "Guess I'm not the only one who uses humans around here." And then I'd summon some of Owain's hounds to chew off the bottom bits of her legs. Then she wouldn't fit just right into his arms. She'd be too short. It'd be like hugging a midget. Nuala- pg. 75
unrequited quoteslove quoteshed quotessideways quotescunning quotesreply quotescolor quotespithy quotesshow quotesnoticed quotesguess quoteshumans quotessummon quotesowains quoteshounds quoteschew quotesbottom quotesbits quoteslegs quotesfit quotesarms quotesshed quotesshort quoteshugging quotesmidget quotesnuala quotespg quotes75 quotes
Adam was in the dream, too; he traced the tangled pattern of ink with his finger. He said, "Scio quid hoc est." As he traced it further and further down on the bare skin of Ronan's back, Ronan himself disappeared entirely, and the tattoo got smaller and smaller. It was a Celtic knot the size of a wafer, and then Adam, who had become Kavinsky, said "Scio quid estis vos." He put the tattoo in his mouth and swallowed it. Ronan woke with a start, ashamed and euphoric. The euphoria wore off long before the shame did. He was never sleeping again.
adam quotesdream quotestraced quotestangled quotespattern quotesink quotesfinger quotesscio quotesquid quoteshoc quotesest quotesbare quotesskin quotesronans quotesback quotesronan quotesdisappeared quotestattoo quotessmaller quotessmaller quotesceltic quotesknot quotessize quoteswafer quotesadam quoteskavinsky quotesestis quotesvos quotesput quotesmouth quotesswallowed quoteswoke quotesstart quotesashamed quoteseuphoric quoteseuphoria quoteswore quoteslong quotesshame quotessleeping quotes