Even If I Don't See it Again Even if I don't see it again.-nor ever feel it I know it is-and that if once it hailed me it ever does- and so it is myself I want to turn in that direction not as towards a place, but it was a tilting within myself, as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where it isn't.-I was blinded like that-and swam in what shone at me only able to endure it by being no one and so specifically myself I thought I'd die from being loved like that.
WHAT THE LIVING DO Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there. And the Drano won't work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up waiting for the plumber I still haven't called. This is the everyday we spoke of. It's winter again: the sky's a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through the open living-room windows because the heat's on too high in here and I can't turn it off. For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking, I've been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along those wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve, I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it. Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning. What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss-we want more and more and then more of it. But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass, say, the window of the corner video store, and I'm gripped by a cherishing so deep for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I'm speechless: I am living. I remember you.
living quotesjohnny quoteskitchen quotessink quotesclogged quotesdays quotesutensil quotesfell quotesdrano quoteswork quotessmells quotesdangerous quotescrusty quotesdishes quotespiled quoteswaiting quotesplumber quotescalled quoteseveryday quotesspoke quoteswinter quotesskys quotesdeep quotesheadstrong quotesblue quotessunlight quotespours quotesopen quoteslivingroom quoteswindows quotesheats quoteshigh quotesturn quotesweeks quotesdriving quotesdropping quotesbag quotesgroceries quotesstreet quotesbreaking quotesthinking quotesliving quotesyesterday quoteshurrying quoteswobbly quotesbricks quotescambridge quotessidewalk quotesspilling quotescoffee quoteswrist quotessleeve quotesthought quotesbuying quoteshairbrush quotesparking quotesslamming quotescar quotesdoor quotesshut quotescold quotescalled quotesyearning quotesfinally quotesgave quotesspring quotespass quotescall quotescall quotesletter quoteskisswe quotesmoments quoteswalking quotescatch quotesglimpse quoteswindow quotesglass quotescorner quotesvideo quotesstore quotesgripped quotescherishing quotesdeep quotesblowing quoteshair quoteschapped quotesface quotesunbuttoned quotescoat quotesspeechless quotesliving quotesremember quotes
Sometimes I open a book that's so beautiful I have to shut it because it hurts me. I can't stand it. It's like, Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! This is going to drive me into my own heart. A day or two days later I'm saying, All right, and I just surrender to it: Do it to me. Go ahead. I want it. I don't want it. I want it. I don't want it.
I remember a man, a very lonely man, coming up to me at the end of a reading and looking into my face and saying, 'I feel as if I have looked down a corridor and seen into your soul.' And I looked at him and said, 'You haven't.' You know, Here's the good news and the bad news: you haven't! I made something, and you and I could look at it together, but it's not me; you don't live with me; you're not intimate with me. You're not the man I live with or my friend. You will never know me in that way. I'm making something, like Joseph Cornell makes his boxes and everyone looks into them, but it's the box you look into; it's not the man or the woman. It's alchemy of language and memory and imagination and time and music and sounds that gets made, and that's different from 'Here is what happened to me when I was ten.
remember quotesman quoteslonely quotescoming quotesend quotesreading quotesface quotesi quotesfeel quoteslooked quotescorridor quotessoul quotesyou quoteshavent quotesgood quotesnews quotesbad quotesnews quotesmade quoteslive quotesintimate quotesman quotesfriend quotesmaking quotesjoseph quotescornell quotesmakes quotesboxes quotesbox quoteswoman quotesalchemy quoteslanguage quotesmemory quotesimagination quotestime quotesmusic quotessounds quotesmade quoteshere quoteshappened quotesten quotes