Ogden Nash Quotes

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Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. -Ogden Nash
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. -Ogden Nash
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. -Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. -Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. -Ogden Nash
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. -Ogden Nash
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. -Ogden Nash
Middle age ends and senescence begins, The day your descendants outnumber your friends. -Ogden Nash
Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it -Ogden Nash
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. -Ogden Nash
When I look at you every aged phrase is new, and there are moments when it seems Ive married one of Shakespeares dreams. -Ogden Nash
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. -Ogden Nash
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think their children are naïve. -Ogden Nash
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it -Ogden Nash
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. -Ogden Nash
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. -Ogden Nash
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. -Ogden Nash
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. -Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. -Ogden Nash
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. -Ogden Nash
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them. -Ogden Nash
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor -Ogden Nash
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them -Ogden Nash
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. -Ogden Nash
When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next. -Ogden Nash
Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it. -Ogden Nash
Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -Ogden Nash
The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,Were each of them once a kiddie.A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.Do I want one? God Forbiddie! -Ogden Nash
Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while. -Ogden Nash
Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways. -Ogden Nash
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. -Ogden Nash
Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker. -Ogden Nash
He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who's served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance. -Ogden Nash
I am tarred and feathered with Time. -Ogden Nash
Very Like a Whale One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and metaphor. Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons or Celts, Can'ts seem just to say that anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else. What foes it mean when we are told That the Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold? In the first place, George Gordon Byron had had enough experience To know that it probably wasn't just one Assyrian, it was a lot of Assyrians. However, as too many arguments are apt to induce apoplexy and thus hinder longevity, We'll let it pass as one Assyrian for the sake of brevity. Now then, this particular Assyrian, the one whose cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold, Just what does the poet mean when he says he came down like a wolf on the fold? In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of in our philosophy there are a great many things, But i don't imagine that among then there is a wolf with purple and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings. No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe that this Assyrian was actually like a wolf I must have some kind of proof; Did he run on all fours and did he have a hairy tail and a big red mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof woof? Frankly I think it very unlikely, and all you were entitled to say, at the very most, Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down like a lot of Assyrian cohorts about to destroy the Hebrew host. But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them, With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them. That's the kind of thing that's being done all the time by poets, from Homer to Tennyson; They're always comparing ladies to lilies and veal to venison, And they always say things like that the snow is a white blanket after a winter storm. Oh it is, is it, all right then, you sleep under a six-inch blanket of snow and I'll sleep under a half-inch blanket of unpoetical blanket material and we'll see which one keeps warm, And after that maybe you'll begin to comprehend dimly, What I mean by too much metaphor and simile.

Ogden Nash
Were it not for frustration and humiliation I suppose the human race would get ideas above its station. -Ogden Nash
Parsley is gharsley. -Ogden Nash
The Bronx? No Thonx! -Ogden Nash
Where there is a monster, there is a miracle. -Ogden Nash
I would not engage the wombat In any form of mortal combat. -Ogden Nash
In the world of mules There are no rules. -Ogden Nash
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