sudden-success-in-golf-is-like-the-sudden-acquisition-of-wealth-it-is-apt-to-unsettle-and-deteriorate-the-character
memories-are-like-mulligatawny-soup-in-a-cheap-restaurant-it-is-best-not-to-stir-them
it-was-my-uncle-george-who-discovered-that-alcohol-was-a-food-well-in-advance-of-modern-medical-thought
it-is-not-mere-technical-skill-that-makes-man-golfer-it-is-golfing-soul-p-g-wodehouse
statisticians-estimate-that-crime-among-good-golfers-is-lower-than-in-any-class-community-except-possibly-bishops-p-g-wodehouse
i-suppose-half-time-shakespeare-just-shoved-down-anything-that-came-into-his-head-p-g-wodehouse
I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I've got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a normal bloke ought to possess. And when a girl comes along who has about twice the regular allowance, she too often makes a bee line for me with the love light in her eyes. I don't know how to account for it, but it is so." "It may be Nature's provision for maintaining the balance of the species, sir.
P. G. Wodehouse
i-mean-to-say-i-know-perfectly-well-that-ive-got-roughly-speaking-half-amount-brain-normal-bloke-ought-to-possess-and-when-girl-comes-along-who-p-g-wodehouse
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half-league-half-league-half-league-onward-with-heynonnynonny-and-hot-chacha-p-g-wodehouse
 the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.)
As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.
P. G. Wodehouse
as-rule-you-see-im-not-lugged-into-family-rows-on-occasions-when-aunt-is-calling-aunt-like-mastodons-bellowing-across-premieval-swamps-uncle-jamess-p-g-wodehouse
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Great pals we've always been. In fact there was a time when I had an idea I was in love with Cynthia. However, it blew over. A dashed pretty and lively and attractive girl, mind you, but full of ideals and all that. I may be wronging her, but I have an idea that she's the sort of girl who would want a fellow to carve out a career and what not. I know I've heard her speak favourably of Napoleon. So what with one thing and another the jolly old frenzy sort of petered out, and now we're just pals. I think she's a topper, and she thinks me next door to a looney, so everything's nice and matey.
P. G. Wodehouse
great-pals-weve-always-been-in-fact-there-was-time-when-i-had-idea-i-was-in-love-with-cynthia-however-it-blew-over-a-dashed-pretty-lively-p-g-wodehouse
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this-is-peculiarly-age-in-which-each-us-may-if-he-do-but-search-diligently-find-literature-suited-to-his-mental-powers-p-g-wodehouse
I am strongly of the opinion that, after the age of twenty-one, a man ought not to be out of bed and awake at four in the morning. The hour breeds thought. At twenty-one, life being all future, it may be examined with impunity. But, at thirty, having become an uncomfortable mixture of future and past, it is a thing to be looked at only when the sun is high and the world full of warmth and optimism.
P. G. Wodehouse
i-am-strongly-opinion-that-after-age-twentyone-man-ought-not-to-be-out-bed-awake-at-four-in-morning-the-hour-breeds-thought-at-twentyone-life-p-g-wodehouse
strongly quotesopinion quotesage quotestwentyone quotesman quotesbed quotesawake quotesmorning quoteshour quotesbreeds quotesthought quoteslife quotesfuture quotesexamined quotesimpunity quotesthirty quotesuncomfortable quotesmixture quotesfuture quotespast quotesthing quoteslooked quotessun quoteshigh quotesworld quotesfull quoteswarmth quotesoptimism quotes
It was a silver cow. But when I say 'cow', don't go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster such as you may observe loading grass into itself in the nearest meadow. This was a sinister, leering, Underworld sort of animal, the kind that would spit out of the side of its mouth for twopence.
P. G. Wodehouse
it-was-silver-cow-but-when-i-say-cow-dont-go-running-away-with-idea-some-decent-selfrespecting-cudster-such-as-you-may-observe-loading-grass-into-p-g-wodehouse
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Many bad golfers marry, feeling that a wife's loving solicitude may improve their game. But they are rugged, thick-skinned men, not sensitive and introspective. It is one of the chief merits of golf that non-success at the game induces a certain amount of decent humilty, which keeps a man from pluming himself too much on any petty triumphs he may achieve in other walks of life.
P. G. Wodehouse
many-bad-golfers-marry-feeling-that-wifes-loving-solicitude-may-improve-their-game-but-they-are-rugged-thickskinned-men-not-sensitive-introspective-p-g-wodehouse
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one-drawbacks-to-life-is-that-it-contains-moments-when-one-is-compelled-to-tell-truth-p-g-wodehouse
What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All around us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf? What do we get out of it? Is golf any use? That's what I'm asking you. Can you name me a single case where devotion to this pestilential pastime has done a man any practical good?
P. G. Wodehouse
what-earthly-good-is-golf-life-is-stern-life-is-earnest-we-live-in-practical-age-all-around-us-we-see-foreign-competition-making-itself-unpleasant-p-g-wodehouse
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Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.
P. G. Wodehouse
freddie-experienced-sort-abysmal-soulsadness-which-afflicts-one-tolstoys-russian-peasants-when-after-putting-in-heavy-days-work-strangling-his-p-g-wodehouse
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her-pupils-were-at-once-her-salvation-her-despair-they-gave-her-means-supporting-life-but-they-made-life-hardly-worth-supporting-p-g-wodehouse
golf-like-measles-should-be-caught-young-for-if-postponed-to-riper-years-results-may-be-serious-p-g-wodehouse
Joan was nothing more than a friend. He was not in love with her. One does not fall in love with a girl whom one has met only three times. One is attracted, yes; but one does not fall in love. A moment's reflection enabled him to diagnose his sensations correctly. This odd impulse to leap across the compartment and kiss Joan was not love. It was merely the natural desire of a good-hearted young man to be decently chummy with his species.
P. G. Wodehouse
joan-was-nothing-more-than-friend-he-was-not-in-love-with-her-one-does-not-fall-in-love-with-girl-whom-one-has-met-only-three-times-one-is-attracted-p-g-wodehouse
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you-ever-have-that-feeling-when-you-step-down-onto-footstep-that-isnt-there-p-g-wodehouse
i-suppose-he-must-have-taken-about-nine-something-in-hats-shows-what-rotten-thing-it-is-to-let-your-brain-develop-too-much-p-g-wodehouse
Men capable of governing empires fail to control a small white ball, which presents no difficulties whetever to others with one ounce more brain than a cuckoo clock. I wish to goodness I knew the man who invented this infernal game. I'd strangle him. But I suppose he's been dead for ages. Still, I could go and jump on his grave.
P. G. Wodehouse
men-capable-governing-empires-fail-to-control-small-white-ball-which-presents-no-difficulties-whetever-to-others-with-one-ounce-more-brain-than-p-g-wodehouse
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chumps-always-make-best-husbands-all-unhappy-marriages-come-from-husbands-having-brains-p-g-wodehouse
I was writing a story, 'The Artistic Career of Corky,' about two young men, Bertie Wooster and his friend Corky, getting into a lot of trouble, and neither of them had brains enough to get out of the trouble. I thought: Well, how can I get them out? And I thought: Suppose one of them had an omniscient valet?
P. G. Wodehouse
i-was-writing-story-the-artistic-career-corky-about-two-young-men-bertie-wooster-his-friend-corky-getting-into-lot-trouble-neither-them-had-p-g-wodehouse
He's like one of those weird birds in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie.
P. G. Wodehouse
hes-like-one-those-weird-birds-in-india-who-dissolve-themselves-into-thin-air-nip-through-space-in-sort-disembodied-way-assemble-parts-again-p-g-wodehouse
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the-drowsy-stillness-afternoon-was-shattered-by-what-sounded-to-his-strained-senses-like-gk-chesterton-falling-on-sheet-tin-p-g-wodehouse
Golf is the Great Mystery. Like some capricous goddess, it bestows its favours with what would appear an almost fat-headed lack of method and discrimination. On every side we see big two-fisted he-men floundering round in three figures, stopping every few minutes to let through little shrimps with knock-knees and hollow cheeks, who are tearing up snappy seventy-fours.
P. G. Wodehouse
golf-is-great-mystery-like-some-capricous-goddess-it-bestows-its-favours-with-what-would-appear-almost-fatheaded-lack-method-discrimination-on-p-g-wodehouse
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I think the success of every novel - if it's a novel of action - depends on the high spots. The thing to do is to say to yourself, 'Which are my big scenes?' and then get every drop of juice out of them. The principle I always go on in writing a novel is to think of the characters in terms of actors in a play. I say to myself, if a big name were playing this part, and if he found that after a strong first act he had practically nothing to do in the second act, he would walk out. Now, then, can I twist the story so as to give him plenty to do all the way through?
P. G. Wodehouse
i-think-success-every-novel-if-its-novel-action-depends-on-high-spots-the-thing-to-do-is-to-say-to-yourself-which-are-my-big-scenes-then-get-p-g-wodehouse
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Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.' Yes, sir?' Is it really a frost?' A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.' But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.' Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.' He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.' I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir.
P. G. Wodehouse
oh-jeeves-i-said-about-that-check-suit-yes-sir-is-it-really-frost-a-trifle-too-bizarre-sir-in-my-opinion-but-lots-fellows-have-asked-me-who-my-p-g-wodehouse
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an-apple-day-if-well-aimed-keeps-doctor-away-p-g-wodehouse
in-his-normal-state-he-would-not-strike-lamb-ive-known-him-to-do-it-do-what-not-strike-lambs-p-g-wodehouse
She's one of those soppy girls, riddled from head to foot with whimsy. She holds the view that the stars are God's daisy chain, that rabbits are gnomes in attendance on the Fairy Queen, and that every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born, which, as we know, is not the case. She's a drooper.
P. G. Wodehouse
shes-one-those-soppy-girls-riddled-from-head-to-foot-with-whimsy-she-holds-view-that-stars-are-gods-daisy-chain-that-rabbits-are-gnomes-in-p-g-wodehouse
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with-each-new-book-mine-i-have-always-feeling-that-this-time-i-have-picked-lemon-in-garden-literature-p-g-wodehouse
I suppose even Dictators have their chummy moments, when they put their feet up and relax with the boys, but it was plain from the outset that if Roderick Spode had a sunnier side, he had not come with any idea of exhibiting it now. His manner was curt. One sensed the absence of the bonhomous note. ... Here he laid a hand on my shoulder, and I can't remember when I have experienced anything more unpleasant. Apart from what Jeeves would have called the symbolism of the action, he had a grip like the bite of a horse. "Did you say 'Oh yes?'" he asked. "Oh no," I assured him.
P. G. Wodehouse
i-suppose-even-dictators-have-their-chummy-moments-when-they-put-their-feet-up-relax-with-boys-but-it-was-plain-from-outset-that-if-roderick-spode-p-g-wodehouse
suppose quotesdictators quoteschummy quotesmoments quotesput quotesfeet quotesrelax quotesboys quotesplain quotesoutset quotesroderick quotesspode quotessunnier quotesside quotesidea quotesexhibiting quotesmanner quotescurt quotessensed quotesabsence quotesbonhomous quotesnote quoteslaid quoteshand quotesshoulder quotesremember quotesexperienced quotesunpleasant quotesjeeves quotescalled quotessymbolism quotesaction quotesgrip quotesbite quoteshorse quotesoh quotesyes quotesasked quotesassured quotes
work-whatsitsname-thingummy-thingumbob-what-dyoucallit-p-g-wodehouse
my-motto-is-love-let-love-with-one-stipulation-that-people-who-love-in-glasshouses-should-breathe-on-windows-p-g-wodehouse
Rugby football is a game I can't claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties, if you know what I mean. I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squalch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellow man which, if done elsewhere, would result in 14 days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench.
P. G. Wodehouse
rugby-football-is-game-i-cant-claim-absolutely-to-understand-in-all-its-niceties-if-you-know-what-i-mean-i-can-follow-broad-general-principles-p-g-wodehouse
rugby quotesfootball quotesgame quotesclaim quotesabsolutely quotesunderstand quotesniceties quotesfollow quotesbroad quotesgeneral quotesprinciples quotesmain quotesscheme quoteswork quotesball quotesfield quotesdeposit quotesline quotesend quotesorder quotessqualch quotesprogramme quotesside quotesallowed quotesput quotesamount quotesassault quotesbattery quotesthings quotesfellow quotesman quotesresult quotes14 quotesdays quotesoption quotescoupled quotesstrong quotesremarks quotesbench quotes
say-what-you-will-there-is-something-fine-about-our-old-aristocracy-ill-bet-trotsky-couldnt-hit-moving-secretary-with-egg-on-dark-night-p-g-wodehouse
warmhearted-i-should-think-he-has-to-wear-asbestos-vests-p-g-wodehouse
Golf acts as a corrective against sinful pride. I attribute the insane arrogance of the later Roman Emperors almost entirely to the fact that, never having played golf, they never knew that strange chastening humility which is engendered by a topped chip shot. If Cleopatra had been ousted in the first round of the Ladies' Singles, we should have heard a lot less of her proud imperiousness.
P. G. Wodehouse
golf-acts-as-corrective-against-sinful-pride-i-attribute-insane-arrogance-later-roman-emperors-almost-entirely-to-fact-that-never-having-played-p-g-wodehouse
golf quotesacts quotescorrective quotessinful quotespride quotesattribute quotesinsane quotesarrogance quotesroman quotesemperors quotesfact quotesplayed quotesgolf quotesknew quotesstrange quoteschastening quoteshumility quotesengendered quotestopped quoteschip quotesshot quotescleopatra quotesousted quotesround quotesladies quotessingles quotesheard quoteslot quotesproud quotesimperiousness quotes
Other men puffed, snorted, and splashed. George passed through the ocean with the silent dignity of a torpedo. Other men swallowed water, here a mouthful, there a pint, anon, maybe, a quart or so, and returned to the shore like foundering derelicts. George's mouth had all the exclusiveness of a fashionable club. His breast stroke was a thing to see and wonder at. When he did the crawl, strong men gasped. When he swam on his back, you felt that that was the only possible method of progression.
P. G. Wodehouse
other-men-puffed-snorted-splashed-george-passed-through-ocean-with-silent-dignity-torpedo-other-men-swallowed-water-here-mouthful-there-pint-p-g-wodehouse
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I don't want to wrong anybody, so I won't go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest of suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don't sometimes feel that the stars are God's daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit.
P. G. Wodehouse
i-dont-want-to-wrong-anybody-i-wont-go-far-as-to-say-that-she-actually-wrote-poetry-but-her-conversation-to-my-mind-was-nature-calculated-to-p-g-wodehouse
when-it-comes-to-letting-world-in-on-secrets-his-heart-he-has-about-as-much-shrinking-reticence-as-steam-calliope-p-g-wodehouse
it-is-no-use-telling-me-there-are-bad-aunts-good-aunts-at-core-they-are-all-alike-sooner-later-out-pops-cloven-hoof-p-g-wodehouse
has-anybody-ever-seen-dramatic-critic-in-daytime-of-course-not-they-come-out-after-dark-up-to-no-good-p-g-wodehouse
You would be miserable if you had to go through life with a human doormat with 'Welcome' written on him. You want some one made of sterner stuff. You want, as it were, a sparring-partner, some one with whom you can quarrel happily with the certain knowledge that he will not curl up in a ball for you to kick, but will be there with the return wallop.
P. G. Wodehouse
you-would-be-miserable-if-you-had-to-go-through-life-with-human-doormat-with-welcome-written-on-him-you-want-some-one-made-sterner-stuff-you-want-as-p-g-wodehouse
i-love-writing-i-never-feel-really-comfortable-unless-i-am-either-actually-writing-have-story-going-i-could-not-stop-writing-p-g-wodehouse
A certain critic -- for such men, I regret to say, do exist -- made the nasty remark about my last novel that it contained 'all the old Wodehouse characters under different names.' He has probably by now been eaten by bears, like the children who made mock of the prophet Elisha: but if he still survives he will not be able to make a similar charge against Summer Lightning. With my superior intelligence, I have out-generalled the man this time by putting in all the old Wodehouse characters under the same names. Pretty silly it will make him feel, I rather fancy.
P. G. Wodehouse
a-certain-critic-for-such-men-i-regret-to-say-do-exist-made-nasty-remark-about-my-last-novel-that-it-contained-all-old-wodehouse-characters-under-p-g-wodehouse
critic quotesmen quotesregret quotesexist quotesmade quotesnasty quotesremark quotescontained quotesall quoteswodehouse quotescharacters quotesnames quoteseaten quotesbears quoteschildren quotesmock quotesprophet quoteselisha quotessurvives quotesmake quotessimilar quotescharge quotessummer quoteslightning quotessuperior quotesintelligence quotesoutgeneralled quotesman quotestime quotesputting quotesnames quotespretty quotessilly quotesfeel quotesfancy quotes
Do you ever get moods when life seems absolutely meaningless? It's like a badly-constructed story, with all sorts of characters moving in and out who have nothing to do with the plot. And when somebody comes along that you think really has something to do with the plot, he suddenly drops out. After a while you begin to wonder what the story is about, and you feel that it's about nothing""just a jumble.
P. G. Wodehouse
do-you-ever-get-moods-when-life-seems-absolutely-meaningless-its-like-badlyconstructed-story-with-all-sorts-characters-moving-in-out-who-have-p-g-wodehouse
it-is-fatal-to-let-any-dog-know-that-he-is-funny-for-he-immediately-loses-his-head-starts-hamming-it-up-p-g-wodehouse
it-ought-to-be-criminal-offence-for-women-to-dye-their-hair-especially-red-what-devil-do-women-do-that-sort-thing-for-p-g-wodehouse
birds-except-when-broiled-in-society-cold-bottle-bored-him-stiff-p-g-wodehouse
a-girl-who-bonnets-policeman-with-ashcan-full-bottles-is-obviously-good-wifemother-timber-p-g-wodehouse
there-was-sound-in-background-like-distant-sheep-coughing-gently-on-mountainside-jeeves-sailing-into-action-p-g-wodehouse
a-little-bit-added-to-what-youve-already-got-gives-you-little-bit-more-p-g-wodehouse
I believe the only way a writer can keep himself up to the mark is by examining each story quite coldly before he starts writing it and asking himself if it is all right as a story. I mean, once you go saying to yourself, 'This is a pretty weak plot as it stands, but I'm such a hell of a writer that my magic touch will make it okay,' you're sunk. If they aren't in interesting situations, characters can't be major characters, not even if you have the rest of the troop talk their heads off about them.
P. G. Wodehouse
i-believe-only-way-writer-can-keep-himself-up-to-mark-is-by-examining-each-story-quite-coldly-before-he-starts-writing-it-asking-himself-if-it-is-p-g-wodehouse
writer quotesmark quotesexamining quotesstory quotescoldly quotesstarts quoteswriting quotesstory quotesthis quotespretty quotesweak quotesplot quotesstands quoteshell quotesmagic quotestouch quotesmake quotesokay quotessunk quotesinteresting quotessituations quotescharacters quotesmajor quotescharacters quotesrest quotestroop quotestalk quotesheads quotes
the-stationmasters-whiskers-are-victorian-bushiness-give-impression-having-been-grown-under-glass-p-g-wodehouse
This Vladimir Brusiloff to whom I have referred was the famous Russian novelist. . . . Vladimir specialized in gray studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened till page three hundred and eighty, when the moujik decided to commit suicide. . . . Cuthbert was an optimist at heart, and it seemed to him that, at the rate at which the inhabitants of that interesting country were murdering one another, the supply of Russian novelists must eventually give out.
P. G. Wodehouse
this-vladimir-brusiloff-to-whom-i-have-referred-was-famous-russian-novelist-vladimir-specialized-in-gray-studies-hopeless-misery-where-nothing-p-g-wodehouse
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