It's not magic. I remember because I make comparisons. Not in terms of better or worse, just different. And not all of these memories are great, but they're mine. Which lends way to believe, that none of our lives are put together on an assembly line. We're not pre-packaged with memories or programmed with stories. We have to make our own.
in 5th grade when I was being called ugly more often than I was being called by my name it was margery williams and the velveteen rabbit that taught me about beauty specifically the scene where the skin horse talks to the rabbit about the process of becoming real it doesnt happen all at once said the skin horse..you become, it takes a long time that's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges or have to be carefully kept generally by the time you are real most of your hair has been loved off your eyes drop out you get loose in the joints and very shabby but these things don't matter at all because once you are real you can't be ugly except to people who dont understand I wanted people to understand me. be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.. dr. seuss.
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Someone once told me that the finer points of devotion are about the size of a pinhole, and there are millions of them. And if you could connect each dot, then you've got a diagram of what you think you thought you knew, and if you're willing to admit that you know nothing... you have the blueprint for a breakthrough.
I you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. Look a little closer, stare a little longer. Because there is something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit. You built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself, you signed it THEY WERE WRONG.
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way. Surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones. As if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called, and we got called them all. So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us. That we'd be lonely forever. That we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they built for us in their tool shed. So broken heart strings bled the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing. Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone.
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Everyone knows pain. We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it so closely, so be certain in the belief that what pain belongs to now will belong soon to then. That when someone asks you how was your day, realize that for some of us - it's the only way we know how to say, be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm, slowly now - let go.
I will not stop. I will not slow down. I will not pull over to ask for directions. I will build the road that takes me where I want to be and I will drive, drive, drive. I will drive until the vehicle around me breaks down, falls apart and tumbles into useless debris... and then I will walk.
What I said was I'll miss you what I meant to say was I love you what I wanted to say was that I meant what I said and it's funny how all those things I could have said flooded my head after we said goodbye and I should have told you I'd be willing to hold you until my flesh crumbles into bone because I'm willing to die alone but god knows I don't want to live that way.
And you are worth the time it takes to take the time to get to know you. We've managed to muttle through the awkward stage of i like you and you like me, but when we both finally said 'yes' life became a multiple choice test, not knowing anything we became each others best guess. and, holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery. lady, i don't have to study you to be sure. you're the choice i made before i knew what the other choices were
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We so seldom understand each other. But if understanding is neither here nor there, and the universe is infinite, then understand that no matter where we go we will always be smack dab in the middle of nowhere. All we can do is share some piece of ourselves, and hope that it's remembered. Hope that we meant something to someone