Stephen Colbert Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
in-order-to-maintain-an-untenable-position-you-have-to-be-actively-ignorant-one-motto-on-the-show-is-keep-your-facts-im-going-with-the-truth
believe-in-me-cause-i-dont-believe-in-anything-and-i-wanna-be-someone-to-believe
when-the-president-decides-something-on-monday-he-still-believes-it-on-wednesday-no-matter-what-happened-tuesday
as-god-said-to-job-checkmate
i-cant-prove-it-but-i-can-say-it
now-we-all-know-that-fidel-castro-dressed-up-like-marilyn-monroe-and-gave-jfk-a-case-of-syphilis-so-bad-it-eventually-blew-out-the-back-of-his-head
god-works-in-mysterious-ways-but-at-least-he-works-hes-never-on-welfare-in-a-mysterious-way
i-dont-trust-books-theyre-all-fact-and-no-heart
speak-from-balls-not-from-diaphram-stephen-colbert
its-no-surprise-i-am-addicted-to-all-republican-presidential-candidates-they-are-like-crack-in-that-they-will-devastate-black-communities-stephen-colbert
sure-integrating-schools-may-sound-benign-but-whats-use-living-in-gated-community-if-my-kids-go-to-school-get-poor-all-over-them-stephen-colbert
contrary-to-what-people-may-say-theres-no-upper-limit-to-stupidity-stephen-colbert
the-lead-singer-creed-says-he-wont-endorse-president-obama-well-that-settles-it-obama-will-not-win-1998-presidential-election-stephen-colbert
naturally-us-trails-in-gold-medals-because-every-time-we-win-one-we-hand-it-over-to-chinese-to-pay-off-our-debt-stephen-colbert
shamelessness-is-wonderful-part-character-stephen-colbert
i-hope-you-all-had-wonderful-thanksgiving-or-as-its-known-to-native-americans-sarcastic-youre-welcomesgiving-stephen-colbert
all-dogs-go-to-heaven-sorry-kids-its-only-dogs-whove-accepted-christ-stephen-colbert
in-beginning-god-created-heaven-earth-sorry-darwinhuggers-but-its-not-in-beginning-monkey-evolutioned-gay-marriage-stephen-colbert
warning-i-may-contain-more-than-trace-amount-nut-stephen-colbert
when-president-decides-something-on-monday-he-still-believes-it-on-wednesday-no-matter-what-happened-tuesday-stephen-colbert
president-bush-have-hot-dog-with-me-stephen-colbert
i-dont-like-new-president-who-hunts-muslim-extremists-i-like-old-president-who-is-muslim-extremist-stephen-colbert
one-dayi-might-be-able-to-tell-my-grandkids-i-interviewed-last-president-united-states-stephen-colbert
i-may-not-agree-with-what-you-have-to-say-but-i-will-fight-you-to-death-for-right-to-fight-you-to-death-stephen-colbert
life-is-improvisation-you-have-no-idea-whats-going-to-happen-next-you-are-mostly-just-making-things-up-as-you-go-along-stephen-colbert
i-believe-all-gods-creatures-have-soul-except-bears-bears-are-godless-killing-machines-stephen-colbert
my-character-is-selfimportant-poorly-informed-wellintentioned-but-idiot-so-we-said-lets-give-him-promotion-stephen-colbert
when-meeting-royalty-it-is-important-no-matter-how-excited-you-are-not-to-vomit-on-them-instead-vomit-on-nearest-commoner-stephen-colbert
heres-easy-way-to-figure-out-if-youre-in-cult-if-youre-wondering-whether-youre-in-cult-answer-is-yes-stephen-colbert
isnt-agnostic-just-atheist-without-balls-stephen-colbert
all-weather-is-sinrelated-lust-causes-thunder-anger-causes-fog-you-dont-want-to-know-what-causes-dew-stephen-colbert
agnostics-are-just-atheists-without-balls-stephen-colbert
atheism-religion-dedicated-to-its-own-sense-smug-superiority-stephen-colbert
clearly-america-has-no-shortage-metaphorical-opportunities-for-poor-stephen-colbert
there-hasnt-been-scandal-this-big-at-cia-since-classified-committed-censored-to-redacted-stephen-colbert
the-yankees-facebook-page-was-hacked-the-hacker-was-immediately-purchased-signed-to-5-year-contract-with-yankees-stephen-colbert
in-america-we-know-to-ignore-artists-if-theyre-serious-in-any-way-stephen-colbert
summer-movie-idea-take-all-sequels-that-are-out-right-now-make-movies-about-their-backstories-stephen-colbert
nc-passed-law-against-global-warming-science-therefore-its-not-happening-so-im-ignoring-twitters-140character-limit-its-not-happ-stephen-colbert
who-would-have-thought-that-means-communication-limited-to-140-characters-would-ever-create-misunderstanding-stephen-colbert
theres-old-saying-about-those-who-forget-history-i-dont-remember-it-but-its-good-stephen-colbert
after-obsessively-googling-symptoms-for-four-hours-i-discovered-obsessively-googling-symptoms-is-symptom-hypochondria-stephen-colbert
a-new-study-shows-that-having-severe-phobia-can-hasten-aging-but-what-if-my-greatest-fear-is-aging-stephen-colbert
mitt-romneys-email-was-hacked-so-if-you-start-getting-messages-that-sound-like-theyre-from-bot-hes-fixed-problem-stephen-colbert
i-love-making-observations-that-one-is-classic-example-stephen-colbert
im-off-for-two-weeks-until-i-get-back-take-characters-in-this-tweet-parcel-them-out-one-per-day-use-this-q-wisely-stephen-colbert
cant-wait-for-tomorrow-when-i-get-to-exercise-my-patriotic-duty-as-american-complaining-about-how-long-its-taking-to-vote-stephen-colbert
forgot-to-livetweet-election-last-night-im-posttweeting-today-ill-start-as-soon-as-my-fingers-unclench-from-their-rage-fists-stephen-colbert
my-guest-newt-gingrich-shut-down-government-during-clinton-administration-ill-ask-him-when-its-gonna-start-working-again-stephen-colbert
its-august-which-means-congress-is-on-recess-mitch-mcconnell-has-shimmied-back-into-ocean-to-seek-mate-stephen-colbert
had-to-pee-like-racehorse-at-iced-tea-convention-stephen-colbert
thats-not-religion-thats-pokemon-stephen-colbert
dont-let-your-girlfriend-cut-your-hair-stephen-colbert
the-pistachio-its-just-like-our-politics-when-two-sides-are-divided-thats-when-nuts-come-out-stephen-colbert
they-say-only-people-who-tell-truth-are-drunkards-children-guess-which-one-i-am-stephen-colbert
its-back-to-school-time-as-homeschoolers-call-it-staywhereyouare-time-stephen-colbert
look-peta-if-god-hadnt-wanted-us-to-eat-animals-he-wouldnt-have-made-them-darn-tasty-stephen-colbert
doctors-orders-doctor-love-that-is-stephen-colbert
in-gods-eyes-all-children-are-beautiful-but-here-on-earth-we-have-higher-standards-stephen-colbert
theres-nothing-wrong-with-stretching-truth-we-stretch-taffy-that-just-makes-it-more-delicious-stephen-colbert