Steven Wright Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
a-lot-of-people-are-afraid-of-heights-not-me-im-afraid-of-widths
im-writing-a-book-ive-got-the-page-numbers-done
whats-another-word-for-thesaurus
i-intend-to-live-forever-so-far-so-good
i-remember-when-the-candle-shop-burned-down-everyone-stood-around-singing-happy-birthday
everywhere-is-within-walking-distance-if-you-have-the-time
i-busted-a-mirror-and-got-seven-years-bad-luck-but-my-lawyer-thinks-he-can-get-me-five
i-went-to-a-restaurant-that-serves-breakfast-at-any-time-so-i-ordered-french-toast-during-the-renaissance
the-stones-i-love-the-stones-i-watch-them-whenever-i-can-fred-barney
if-toast-always-lands-butterside-down-and-cats-always-land-on-their-feet-what-happens-if-you-strap-toast-on-the-back-of-a-cat-and-drop-it
curiosity-killed-the-cat-but-for-a-while-i-was-a-suspect
i-was-trying-to-daydream-but-my-mind-kept-wandering
id-kill-for-a-nobel-peace-prize
i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speedreading-accident-i-hit-a-bookmark
i-saw-a-subliminal-advertising-executive-but-only-for-a-second
how-to-make-a-million-dollars-first-get-a-million-dollars
why-dont-they-make-the-whole-plane-out-of-that-black-box-stuff
my-apartment-was-robbed-and-everything-was-replaced-with-exact-replicas-i-told-my-roommate-and-he-said-do-i-know-you
do-lipton-employees-take-coffee-breaks
when-i-was-crossing-the-border-into-canada-they-asked-if-i-had-any-firearms-with-me-i-said-well-what-do-you-need
if-one-synchronized-swimmer-drowns-do-all-the-rest-have-to-drown-too
i-hate-it-when-my-foot-falls-asleep-during-day-because-that-means-its-going-to-be-up-all-night
i-have-all-emotions-that-everyone-has-it-just-appears-that-i-dont-steven-wright
id-like-to-sing-you-song-now-about-my-old-girlfriend-its-called-theyll-find-her-when-leaves-blow-away-cause-im-not-raking-til-spring-steven-wright
if-all-those-psychics-know-winning-lottery-numbers-why-are-they-all-still-working-steven-wright
i-met-this-wonderful-girl-at-macys-she-was-buying-clothes-i-was-putting-slinkies-on-escalator-steven-wright
if-heat-rises-then-heaven-must-be-hotter-than-hell-steven-wright
drugs-may-lead-to-nowhere-but-at-least-its-scenic-route-steven-wright
what-happens-if-you-get-scared-half-to-death-twice-steven-wright
do-radioactive-cats-have-eighteen-halflives-steven-wright
i-tried-to-hang-myself-with-bungee-cord-i-kept-almost-dying-steven-wright
plan-to-be-spontaneous-tomorrow-steven-wright
i-was-in-supermarket-other-day-i-met-lady-in-aisle-where-they-keep-generic-brands-her-name-was-woman-steven-wright
support-bacteria-theyre-only-culture-some-people-have-steven-wright
when-i-was-kid-we-had-sandbox-it-was-quicksand-box-i-was-only-child-eventually-steven-wright
if-warm-air-rises-heaven-could-be-hotter-than-hell-steven-wright
why-dont-they-make-whole-plane-out-that-black-box-stuff-steven-wright
what-nice-night-for-evening-steven-wright
sorry-my-mind-was-wandering-one-time-it-went-all-way-to-venus-ordered-meal-i-couldnt-pay-for-steven-wright
a-friend-mine-once-sent-me-post-card-with-picture-entire-planet-earth-taken-from-space-on-back-it-said-wish-you-were-here-steven-wright
it-was-first-time-i-was-ever-in-love-i-learned-lot-before-that-id-never-even-thought-about-killing-myself-steven-wright
i-put-tape-on-mirrors-in-my-house-i-dont-accidentally-walk-through-into-another-dimension-steven-wright
im-writing-unauthorized-autobiography-steven-wright
im-writing-book-im-almost-finished-i-numbered-pages-now-all-i-have-to-do-is-fill-them-in-steven-wright
its-small-world-but-i-wouldnt-want-to-paint-it-steven-wright
id-kill-for-nobel-peace-prize-steven-wright
last-year-i-went-fishing-with-salvador-dali-he-was-using-dotted-line-he-caught-every-other-fish-steven-wright
once-i-tried-to-kill-myself-with-bungee-cord-i-kept-almost-dying-steven-wright
if-at-first-you-dont-succeed-then-skydiving-definitely-isnt-for-you-steven-wright
i-spilled-spot-remover-on-my-dog-now-hes-gone-steven-wright
if-word-in-dictionary-were-mispelled-how-would-we-know-steven-wright
hermits-have-no-peer-pressure-steven-wright
when-i-get-real-bored-i-like-to-drive-downtown-get-great-parking-spot-then-sit-in-my-car-count-how-many-people-ask-if-im-leaving-steven-wright
i-installed-skylight-in-my-apartment-the-people-who-live-above-me-are-furious-steven-wright
officer-i-know-i-was-going-faster-than-55mph-but-i-wasnt-going-to-be-on-road-hour-steven-wright
i-got-food-poisoning-today-i-dont-know-when-ill-use-it-steven-wright
if-you-were-going-to-shoot-mime-would-you-use-silencer-steven-wright
the-sign-said-eight-items-less-so-i-changed-my-name-to-les-steven-wright
i-watched-indy-500-i-was-thinking-that-if-they-left-earlier-they-wouldnt-have-to-go-fast-steven-wright
to-steal-ideas-from-one-person-is-plagiarism-to-steal-from-many-is-research-steven-wright
right-now-im-having-amnesia-deje-vu-at-same-time-i-think-ive-forgotten-this-before-steven-wright
i-just-got-out-hospital-i-was-in-speed-reading-accident-i-hit-book-mark-flew-across-room-steven-wright
everywhere-is-walking-distance-if-you-have-time-steven-wright
if-its-penny-for-your-thoughts-you-put-in-your-two-cents-worth-then-someone-somewhere-is-making-penny-steven-wright
i-went-to-restaurant-that-serves-breakfast-at-any-time-i-ordered-french-toast-during-renaissance-steven-wright
whats-another-word-for-thesaurus-steven-wright
there-is-fine-line-between-fishing-just-standing-on-shore-like-idiot-steven-wright
if-person-with-multiple-personalities-threatens-suicide-is-that-considered-hostage-situation-steven-wright
everyone-has-photographic-memory-some-just-dont-have-film-steven-wright
when-i-was-in-school-teachers-told-me-practice-makes-perfect-then-they-told-me-nobodys-perfect-i-stopped-practicing-steven-wright
if-man-says-something-in-woods-there-are-no-women-there-is-he-still-wrong-steven-wright
the-other-night-i-was-lying-in-bed-looking-up-at-stars-i-wondered-where-hell-is-my-roof-steven-wright
i-stayed-up-all-night-playing-poker-with-tarot-cards-i-got-full-house-four-people-died-steven-wright
why-isnt-word-phonetically-spelled-with-f-steven-wright
i-have-hobby-i-have-worlds-largest-collection-sea-shells-i-keep-it-scattered-on-beaches-all-over-world-maybe-youve-seen-some-it-steven-wright
i-wish-when-i-was-first-born-first-thing-i-said-was-quote-last-thing-i-said-before-i-died-would-be-unquote-steven-wright
i-couldnt-repair-your-brakes-i-made-your-horn-louder-steven-wright
shin-device-for-finding-furniture-in-dark-steven-wright
i-have-inferiority-complex-but-its-not-good-one-steven-wright
if-mute-kid-swears-should-his-mother-wash-his-hands-with-soap-steven-wright
i-named-my-dog-stay-i-can-say-come-here-stay-come-here-stay-steven-wright
it-doesnt-matter-what-temperature-room-is-its-always-room-temperature-steven-wright
if-you-melt-dry-ice-in-pool-go-swimming-will-you-get-wet-steven-wright
i-went-to-711-asked-for-2x4-box-3x5s-the-clerk-said-tenfour-steven-wright
the-other-day-i-went-to-tourist-information-booth-asked-tell-me-about-some-people-who-were-here-last-year-steven-wright
my-friend-winnie-is-procrastinator-he-didnt-get-his-birth-mark-til-he-was-eight-years-old-steven-wright
my-aunt-gave-me-walkietalkie-for-my-birthday-she-says-if-im-good-shell-give-me-other-one-next-year-steven-wright