While a modicum of consciousness may have had survivalist properties during an immemorial chapter of our evolution "" so one theory goes "" this faculty soon enough became a seditious agent working against us ... we need to hamper our consciousness for all we are worth or it will impose upon us a too clear vision of what we do not want to see ... Consciousness has forced us into the paradoxical position of striving to be unself-conscious of what we are "" hunks of spoiling flesh on disintegrating bones
modicum quotesconsciousness quotessurvivalist quotesproperties quotesimmemorial quoteschapter quotesevolution quotestheory quotesfaculty quotesseditious quotesagent quotesworking quoteshamper quotesworth quotesimpose quotesclear quotesvision quotesconsciousness quotesforced quotesparadoxical quotesposition quotesstriving quotesunselfconscious quoteshunks quotesspoiling quotesflesh quotesdisintegrating quotesbones quotes
The sinister, the terrible never deceive: the state in which they leave us is always one of enlightenment. And only this condition of vicious insight allows us a full grasp of the world, all things considered, just as a frigid melancholy grants us full possession of ourselves. We may hide from horror only in the heart of horror. ("The Medusa")
sinister quotesterrible quotesdeceive quotesstate quotesleave quotesenlightenment quotescondition quotesvicious quotesinsight quotesfull quotesgrasp quotesworld quotesthings quotesconsidered quotesfrigid quotesmelancholy quotesgrants quotespossession quoteshide quoteshorror quotesheart quoteshorror quotesmedusa quotes
This, then, is the ultimate, that is only, consolation: simply that someone shares some of your own feelings and has made of these a work of art which you have the insight, sensitivity, and "" like it or not "" peculiar set of experiences to appreciate. Amazing thing to say, the consolation of horror in art is that it actually intensifies our panic, loudens it on the sounding-board of our horror-hollowed hearts, turns terror up full blast, all the while reaching for that perfect and deafening amplitude at which we may dance to the bizarre music of our own misery.
ultimate quotesconsolation quotessimply quotesshares quotesfeelings quotesmade quoteswork quotesart quotesinsight quotessensitivity quotespeculiar quotesset quotesexperiences quotesamazing quotesthing quotesconsolation quoteshorror quotesintensifies quotespanic quotesloudens quotessoundingboard quoteshorrorhollowed quoteshearts quotesturns quotesterror quotesfull quotesblast quotesreaching quotesperfect quotesdeafening quotesamplitude quotesdance quotesbizarre quotesmusic quotesmisery quotes
So they trust in the deity of the Old Testament, an incontinent dotard who soiled Himself and the universe with his corruption, a low-budget divinity passing itself off as the genuine article. (Ask the Gnostics.) They trust in Jesus Christ, a historical cipher stitched together like Frankenstein's monster out of parts robbed from the graves of messiahs dead and buried - a savior on a stick. They trust in the virgin-pimping Allah and his Drum Major Mohammed, a prophet-come-lately who pioneered a new genus of humbuggery for an emerging market of believers that was not being adequately served by existing religious products. They trust in anything that authenticates their importance as persons, tribes, societies, and particularly as a species that will endure in this world and perhaps in an afterworld that may be uncertain in its reality and unclear in its layout, but which states their craving for values "not of this earth" - that depressing, meaningless place their consciousness must sidestep every day.
trust quotesdeity quotestestament quotesincontinent quotesdotard quotessoiled quotesuniverse quotescorruption quoteslowbudget quotesdivinity quotespassing quotesgenuine quotesarticle quotesgnostics quotesjesus quoteschrist quoteshistorical quotescipher quotesstitched quotesfrankensteins quotesmonster quotesparts quotesrobbed quotesgraves quotesmessiahs quotesdead quotesburied quotessavior quotesstick quotesvirginpimping quotesallah quotesdrum quotesmajor quotesmohammed quotesprophetcomelately quotespioneered quotesgenus quoteshumbuggery quotesemerging quotesmarket quotesbelievers quotesadequately quotesserved quotesexisting quotesreligious quotesproducts quotesauthenticates quotesimportance quotespersons quotestribes quotessocieties quotesspecies quotesendure quotesworld quotesafterworld quotesuncertain quotesreality quotesunclear quoteslayout quotesstates quotescraving quotesvalues quotesearth quotesdepressing quotesmeaningless quotesplace quotesconsciousness quotessidestep quotesday quotes
Perhaps our judgement of the purple woman was unfair. No doubt her theories concerning the "approach of the Teatro" made us all uneasy. But was this reason enough to cast her out from that artistic underworld which was the only society available to her? Like many societies, of course, ours was founded on fearful superstition, and this is always reason enough for any kind of behavior. She had been permanently stigmatized by too closely associating herself with something unclean in its essence.
judgement quotespurple quoteswoman quotesunfair quotesdoubt quotestheories quotesapproach quotesteatro quotesmade quotesuneasy quotesreason quotescast quotesartistic quotesunderworld quotessociety quotessocieties quotesfounded quotesfearful quotessuperstition quoteskind quotesbehavior quotespermanently quotesstigmatized quotesclosely quotesassociating quotesunclean quotesessence quotes
Tapping a little bell, I leaned on the desk and turned to look at a small, traditionally decorated Christmas tree on a table near the entranceway. It was complete with shiny, egg-fragile bulbs; miniature candy canes; flat, laughing Santas with arms wide; a star on top nodding awkwardly against the delicate shoulder of an upper branch; and colored lights that bloomed out of flower-shaped sockets. For some reason this seemed to me a sorry little piece.
tapping quotesbell quotesleaned quotesdesk quotesturned quotessmall quotestraditionally quotesdecorated quoteschristmas quotestree quotestable quotesentranceway quotescomplete quotesshiny quoteseggfragile quotesbulbs quotesminiature quotescandy quotescanes quotesflat quoteslaughing quotessantas quotesarms quoteswide quotesstar quotestop quotesnodding quotesawkwardly quotesdelicate quotesshoulder quotesupper quotesbranch quotescolored quoteslights quotesbloomed quotesflowershaped quotessockets quotesreason quotespiece quotes
This is the great lesson the depressive learns: Nothing in the world is inherently compelling. Whatever may be really 'out there' cannot project itself as an affective experience. It is all a vacuous affair with only a chemical prestige. Nothing is either good or bad, desirable or undesirable, or anything else except that it is made so by laboratories inside us producing the emotions on which we live. And to live on our emotions is to live arbitrarily, inaccurately-imparting meaning to what has none of its own. Yet what other way is there to live? Without the ever-clanking machinery of emotion, everything would come to a standstill. There would be nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to be, and no one to know. The alternatives are clear: to live falsely as pawns of affect, or to live factually as depressives, or as individuals who know what is known to the depressive. How advantageous that we are not coerced into choosing one or the other, neither choice being excellent. One look at human existence is proof enough that our species will not be released from the stranglehold of emotionalism that anchors it to hallucinations. That may be no way to live, but to opt for depression would be to opt out of existence as we consciously know it.
great quoteslesson quotesdepressive quoteslearns quotesworld quotesinherently quotescompelling quotesout quotesthere quotesproject quotesaffective quotesexperience quotesvacuous quotesaffair quoteschemical quotesprestige quotesgood quotesbad quotesdesirable quotesundesirable quotesmade quoteslaboratories quotesinside quotesproducing quotesemotions quoteslive quoteslive quotesarbitrarily quotesinaccuratelyimparting quotesmeaning quoteslive quoteseverclanking quotesmachinery quotesemotion quotesstandstill quotesalternatives quotesclear quotesfalsely quotespawns quotesaffect quotesfactually quotesdepressives quotesindividuals quotesdepressive quotesadvantageous quotescoerced quoteschoosing quoteschoice quotesexcellent quoteshuman quotesexistence quotesproof quotesspecies quotesreleased quotesstranglehold quotesemotionalism quotesanchors quoteshallucinations quoteslive quotesopt quotesdepression quotesconsciously quotes
I have no idea how long Quisser was gone from the table. My attention became fully absorbed by the other faces in the club and the deep anxiety they betrayed to me, an anxiety that was not of the natural, existential sort but one that was caused by peculiar concerns of an uncanny nature. What a season is upon us, these faces seemed to say. And no doubt their voices would have spoken directly of certain peculiar concerns had they not been intimidated into weird equivocations and double entendres by the fear of falling victim to the same kind of unnatural affliction that had made so much trouble in the mind of the art critic Stuart Quisser. Who would be next? What could a person say these days, or even think, without feeling the dread of repercussion from powerfully connected groups and individuals? I could almost hear their voices asking, "Why here, why now?" But of course they could have just as easily been asking, "Why not here, why not now?" It would not occur to this crowd that there were no special rules involved; it would not occur to them, even though they were a crowd of imaginative artists, that the whole thing was simply a matter of random, purposeless terror that converged upon a particular place at a particular time for no particular reason. On the other hand, it would also not have occurred to them that they might have wished it all upon themselves, that they might have had a hand in bringing certain powerful forces and connections into our district simply by wishing them to come. They might have wished and wished for an unnatural evil to fall upon them but, for a while at least, nothing happened. Then the wishing stopped, the old wishes were forgotten yet at the same time gathered in strength, distilling themselves into a potent formula (who can say!), until one day the terrible season began. Because had they really told the truth, this artistic crowd might also have expressed what a sense of meaning (although of a negative sort), not to mention the vigorous thrill (although of an excruciating type), this season of unnatural evil had brought to their lives. ("Gas Station Carnivals")
idea quoteslong quotesquisser quotestable quotesattention quotesfully quotesabsorbed quotesfaces quotesclub quotesdeep quotesanxiety quotesbetrayed quotesnatural quotesexistential quotessort quotescaused quotespeculiar quotesconcerns quotesuncanny quotesnature quotesseason quotesdoubt quotesvoices quotesspoken quotesdirectly quotesintimidated quotesweird quotesequivocations quotesdouble quotesentendres quotesfear quotesfalling quotesvictim quoteskind quotesunnatural quotesaffliction quotesmade quotestrouble quotesmind quotesart quotescritic quotesstuart quotesquisser quotesperson quotesdays quotesfeeling quotesdread quotesrepercussion quotespowerfully quotesconnected quotesgroups quotesindividuals quoteshear quoteseasily quotesoccur quotescrowd quotesspecial quotesrules quotesinvolved quotesimaginative quotesartists quotesthing quotessimply quotesmatter quotesrandom quotespurposeless quotesterror quotesconverged quotesplace quotestime quotesreason quoteshand quotesoccurred quoteswished quoteshand quotesbringing quotespowerful quotesforces quotesconnections quotesdistrict quoteswishing quotesevil quotesfall quoteshappened quotesstopped quoteswishes quotesforgotten quotesgathered quotesstrength quotesdistilling quotespotent quotesformula quotesday quotesterrible quotesbegan quotestold quotestruth quotesartistic quotesexpressed quotessense quotesmeaning quotesnegative quotessort quotesmention quotesvigorous quotesthrill quotesexcruciating quotestype quotesbrought quoteslives quotesgas quotesstation quotescarnivals quotes
And any room that I enter may become a sideshow tent where I must take my place upon a rickety old bench on the verge of collapse. Even now the Showman stands before my eyes. His stiff red hair moves a little toward one shoulder, as if he is going to turn his gaze upon me, and moves back again; then his head moves a little toward the other shoulder in this never-ending game of horrible peek-a-boo. I can only sit and wait, knowing that one day he will turn full around, step down from his stage, and claim me for the abyss I have always feared. Perhaps then I will discover what it was I did - what any of us did - to deserve this fate.
room quotesenter quotessideshow quotestent quotesplace quotesrickety quotesbench quotesverge quotescollapse quotesshowman quotesstands quoteseyes quotesstiff quotesred quoteshair quotesmoves quotesshoulder quotesturn quotesgaze quotesback quoteshead quotesshoulder quotesneverending quotesgame quoteshorrible quotespeekaboo quotessit quoteswait quotesknowing quotesday quotesfull quotesstep quotesstage quotesclaim quotesabyss quotesfeared quotesdiscover quotesdeserve quotesfate quotes
All of us had problems, it seemed, whose sources were untraceable, crossing over one another like the trajectories of countless raindrops in a storm, blending to create a fog of delusion and counter-delusion. Powerful forces and connections were undoubtedly at play, yet they seemed to have no faces and no names, and it was anybody's guess what we - a crowd of deluded no-talents - could have possibly done to offend them. We had been caught up in a season of hideous magic from which nothing could offer us deliverance. ("Gas Station Carnivals")
problems quotessources quotesuntraceable quotescrossing quotestrajectories quotescountless quotesraindrops quotesstorm quotesblending quotescreate quotesfog quotesdelusion quotescounterdelusion quotespowerful quotesforces quotesconnections quotesundoubtedly quotesplay quotesfaces quotesnames quotesanybodys quotesguess quotescrowd quotesdeluded quotesnotalents quotespossibly quotesoffend quotescaught quotesseason quoteshideous quotesmagic quotesoffer quotesdeliverance quotesgas quotesstation quotescarnivals quotes
The sinister, the terrible never deceive: the state in which they leave us is always one of enlightenment. And only this condition of vicious insight allows us a full grasp of the world, all things considered, just as a frigid melancholy grants us full possession of ourselves. We may hide from horror only in the heart of horror. ('The Medusa')
sinister quotesterrible quotesdeceive quotesstate quotesleave quotesenlightenment quotescondition quotesvicious quotesinsight quotesfull quotesgrasp quotesworld quotesthings quotesconsidered quotesfrigid quotesmelancholy quotesgrants quotespossession quoteshide quoteshorror quotesheart quoteshorror quotesthe quotesmedusa quotes
The divine right of kings may now be acknowledged as a fabrication, a falsified permit for prideful dementia and impulsive mayhem. The inalienable rights of certain people, on the other hand, seemingly remain current: somehow we believe they are not fabrications because hallowed documents declare they are real.
divine quoteskings quotesacknowledged quotesfabrication quotesfalsified quotespermit quotesprideful quotesdementia quotesimpulsive quotesmayhem quotesinalienable quotesrights quotespeople quoteshand quotesseemingly quotesremain quotescurrent quotesfabrications quoteshallowed quotesdocuments quotesdeclare quotesreal quotes
For better or worse, pessimism without compromise lacks public appeal. In all, the few who have gone to the pains of arguing for a sullen appraisal of life might as well never have been born. As history confirms, people will change their minds about almost anything, from which god they worship to how they style their hair. But when it comes to existential judgments, human beings in general have a unfalteringly good opinion of themselves and their condition in this world and are steadfastly confident they are not a collection of self-conscious nothings
worse quotespessimism quotescompromise quoteslacks quotespublic quotesappeal quotespains quotesarguing quotessullen quotesappraisal quoteslife quotesborn quoteshistory quotesconfirms quotespeople quoteschange quotesminds quotesgod quotesworship quotesstyle quoteshair quotesexistential quotesjudgments quoteshuman quotesbeings quotesgeneral quotesunfalteringly quotesgood quotesopinion quotescondition quotesworld quotessteadfastly quotesconfident quotescollection quotesselfconscious quotesnothings quotes
That night I slept badly, thrashing about in my bed, not quite asleep and not quite awake. At times I had the feeling there was someone else in my bedroom who was talking to me, but of course I could not deal with this perception in any realistic way, since I was half-asleep and half-awake, and thus, for all practical purposes, I was out of my mind.
The multicolored leaves were softly glowing against the black sky, creating an untimely nocturnal rainbow which scattered its spectral tints everywhere and dyed the night with a harvest of hues: peach gold and pumpkin orange, honey yellow and winy amber, apple red and plum violet. Luminous within their leafy shapes, the colors cast themselves across the darkness and were splattered upon our streets and our fields and our faces. Everything was resplendent with the pyrotechnics of a new autumn.
multicolored quotesleaves quotessoftly quotesglowing quotesblack quotessky quotescreating quotesuntimely quotesnocturnal quotesrainbow quotesscattered quotesspectral quotestints quotesdyed quotesnight quotesharvest quoteshues quotespeach quotesgold quotespumpkin quotesorange quoteshoney quotesyellow quoteswiny quotesamber quotesapple quotesred quotesplum quotesviolet quotesluminous quotesleafy quotesshapes quotescolors quotescast quotesdarkness quotessplattered quotesstreets quotesfields quotesfaces quotesresplendent quotespyrotechnics quotesautumn quotes
The crimson woman has quite a few adversaries, just as she is connected with powerful allies. How can I say exactly who they are - some group specializing in art=magic, no doubt, but I can't just say, with a fatuous certainty, "Yes, it must be some particular gang of illuminati, " or esoteric scientists, as so many have begun styling themselves these days.
So it was that the Red Tower put into production its new, more terrible and perplexing, line of unique novelty items. Among the objects and constructions now manufactured were several of an almost innocent nature. These included tiny, delicate cameos that were heavier than their size would suggest, far heavier, and lockets whose shiny outer surface flipped open to reveal a black reverberant abyss inside, a deep blackness roaring with echoes. Along the same lines was a series of lifelike replicas of internal organs and physiological structures, many of them evidencing an advanced stages of disease and all of them displeasingly warm and soft to the touch. There was a fake disembodied hand on which fingernails would grow several inches overnight and insistently grew back should one attempt to clip them. Numerous natural objects, mostly bulbous gourds, were designed to produce a long, deafening scream whenever they were picked up or otherwise disturbed in their vegetable stillness. Less scrutable were such things as hardened globs of lava into whose rough, igneous forms were sent a pair of rheumy eyes that perpetually shifted their gaze from side to side like a relentless pendulum. And there was also a humble piece of cement, a fragment broken away from any street or sidewalk, that left a most intractable stain, greasy and green, on whatever surface it was placed. But such fairly simple items were eventually followed, and ultimately replaced, by more articulated objects and constructions. One example of this complex type of novelty item was an ornate music box that, when opened, emitted a brief gurgling or sucking sound in emulation of a dying individual's death rattle. Another product manufactured in great quantity at the Red Tower was a pocket watch in a gold casing which opened to reveal a curious timepiece whose numerals were represented by tiny quivering insects while the circling 'hands' were reptilian tongues, slender and pink. But these examples hardly begin to hint at the range of goods that came from the factory during its novelty phase of production. I should at least mention the exotic carpets woven with intricate abstract patterns that, when focused upon for a certain length of time, composed themselves into fleeting phantasmagoric scenes of a kind which might pass through a fever-stricken or even permanently damaged brain.
red quotestower quotesput quotesproduction quotesterrible quotesperplexing quotesline quotesunique quotesnovelty quotesitems quotesobjects quotesconstructions quotesmanufactured quotesinnocent quotesnature quotesincluded quotestiny quotesdelicate quotescameos quotesheavier quotessize quotessuggest quotesheavier quoteslockets quotesshiny quotesouter quotessurface quotesflipped quotesopen quotesreveal quotesblack quotesreverberant quotesabyss quotesinside quotesdeep quotesblackness quotesroaring quotesechoes quoteslines quotesseries quoteslifelike quotesreplicas quotesinternal quotesorgans quotesphysiological quotesstructures quotesevidencing quotesadvanced quotesstages quotesdisease quotesdispleasingly quoteswarm quotessoft quotestouch quotesfake quotesdisembodied quoteshand quotesfingernails quotesgrow quotesinches quotesovernight quotesinsistently quotesgrew quotesback quotesattempt quotesclip quotesnumerous quotesnatural quotesobjects quotesbulbous quotesgourds quotesdesigned quotesproduce quoteslong quotesdeafening quotesscream quotespicked quotesdisturbed quotesvegetable quotesstillness quotesscrutable quotesthings quoteshardened quotesglobs quoteslava quotesrough quotesigneous quotesforms quotespair quotesrheumy quoteseyes quotesperpetually quotesshifted quotesgaze quotesside quotesrelentless quotespendulum quoteshumble quotespiece quotescement quotesfragment quotesbroken quotesstreet quotessidewalk quotesleft quotesintractable quotesstain quotesgreasy quotesgreen quotesfairly quotessimple quotesitems quoteseventually quotesultimately quotesreplaced quotesarticulated quotesconstructions quotescomplex quotestype quotesitem quotesornate quotesmusic quotesbox quotesopened quotesemitted quotesgurgling quotessucking quotessound quotesemulation quotesdying quotesindividuals quotesdeath quotesrattle quotesproduct quotesgreat quotesquantity quotespocket quoteswatch quotesgold quotescasing quotesopened quotescurious quotestimepiece quotesnumerals quotesrepresented quotestiny quotesquivering quotesinsects quotescircling quoteshands quotesreptilian quotestongues quotesslender quotespink quotesexamples quotesbegin quoteshint quotesrange quotesgoods quotesfactory quotesphase quotesproduction quotesmention quotesexotic quotescarpets quoteswoven quotesintricate quotesabstract quotespatterns quotesfocused quoteslength quotestime quotescomposed quotesfleeting quotesphantasmagoric quotesscenes quoteskind quotespass quotesfeverstricken quotespermanently quotesdamaged quotesbrain quotes
I declared earlier in this document that, 'with one exception, ' there was no cuteness among The Seven. Sherry was the exception, although a serious qualification must be appended to this statement. Physically she was attractive, not to the point of being a harrowing beauty, but enough to put her over the line between women of average or even 'good' looks into the company of those who possessed across-the-room attraction. (If anyone believes that I'm perpetuating some arbitrary or twisted image of the world, that's fine with me - I wish them well in their transactions with social reality.) The qualification to which I made reference above is this: if you happened to cross that room on the other side of which stood Sherry, what you confronted was... I can't even name it - some kind of thing inhabiting the body of an attractive woman, an alien from some diseased planet or a creature of low evolutionary stature that by some curious means had insinuated itself into a human being at some stage in her development, the result being this Sherry-thing.
declared quotesearlier quotesdocument quoteswith quotesexception quotes quotescuteness quotessherry quotesqualification quotesappended quotesstatement quotesphysically quotesattractive quotespoint quotesharrowing quotesbeauty quotesput quotesline quoteswomen quotesaverage quotesgood quotescompany quotespossessed quotesacrosstheroom quotesattraction quotesbelieves quotesperpetuating quotesarbitrary quotestwisted quotesimage quotesworld quotesfine quotestransactions quotessocial quotesreality quotesmade quotesreference quoteshappened quotescross quotesroom quotesside quotesstood quotessherry quotesconfronted quoteskind quotesthing quotesinhabiting quotesbody quotesattractive quoteswoman quotesalien quotesdiseased quotesplanet quotescreature quoteslow quotesevolutionary quotesstature quotescurious quotesmeans quotesinsinuated quoteshuman quotesstage quotesdevelopment quotesresult quotessherrything quotes
To be sane, he held, was either to be sedated by melancholy or activated by hysteria, two responses which were 'always and equally warranted for those of sound insight'. All others were irrational, merely symptoms of imaginations left idle, of memories out of work. And above these mundane responses, the only elevation allowable, the only valid transcendence, was a sardonic one: a bliss that annihilated the universe with jeers of dark joy, a mindful ecstasy. Anything else in the way of 'mysticism' was a sign of deviation or distraction, and a heresy to the obvious. ('The Medusa')
sane quotesheld quotessedated quotesmelancholy quotesactivated quoteshysteria quotesresponses quotesalways quotesequally quoteswarranted quotessound quotesinsight quotesirrational quotessymptoms quotesimaginations quotesleft quotesidle quotesmemories quoteswork quotesmundane quotesresponses quoteselevation quotesallowable quotesvalid quotestranscendence quotessardonic quotesbliss quotesannihilated quotesuniverse quotesjeers quotesdark quotesjoy quotesmindful quotesecstasy quotesmysticism quotessign quotesdeviation quotesdistraction quotesheresy quotesobvious quotesthe quotesmedusa quotes
There was simply no peace to be had no matter where you hid yourself away. Even in a northern border town of such intensely chaotic oddity and corruption there was still some greater chaos, some deeper insanity, than one had counted on, or could ever be taken into account - wherever there was anything, there would be chaos and insanity to such a degree that one could never come to terms with it, and it was only a matter of time before your world, whatever you thought it to be, was undermined, if not completely overrun, by another world.
simply quotespeace quotesmatter quoteshid quotesnorthern quotesborder quotestown quotesintensely quoteschaotic quotesoddity quotescorruption quotesgreater quoteschaos quotesdeeper quotesinsanity quotescounted quotesaccount quoteschaos quotesinsanity quotesdegree quotesterms quotestime quotesworld quotesthought quotesundermined quotescompletely quotesoverrun quotesworld quotes
From around the corner's edge a grotesque light was trickling out, the first intimations of an ominous sunrise over a dark horizon. I dimly recognized this colored light, though not from my waking memory. It grew more intense, now pouring out in weird streams from beyond the solid margin of the building. And the more intense it grew, the more clearly I could hear the screaming voice that had called out to me in a dream. I shouted his name, but the swelling colored brightness was a field of fear which kept me from making any move toward it. It was no amalgam of colors comparable to anything in mortal experience. It was as if all natural colors had been mutated into a painfully lush iridescence by some prism fantastically corrupted in its form; it was a rainbow staining the sky after a poison deluge; it was an aurora painting the darkness with a blaze of insanity, a blaze that did not burn vigorously but shimmered with an insect-jeweled frailness. And, in actuality, it was nothing like these color-filled effusions, which are merely a feeble means of partially fixing a reality uncommunicable to those not initiated to it, a necessary resorting to the makeshift gibberish of the mystic isolated by his experience and left without a language to describe it. ("The Dreaming In Nortown")
corners quotesedge quotesgrotesque quoteslight quotestrickling quotesintimations quotesominous quotessunrise quotesdark quoteshorizon quotesdimly quotesrecognized quotescolored quoteslight quoteswaking quotesmemory quotesgrew quotesintense quotespouring quotesweird quotesstreams quotessolid quotesmargin quotesbuilding quotesintense quotesgrew quoteshear quotesscreaming quotesvoice quotescalled quotesdream quotesshouted quotesswelling quotesbrightness quotesfield quotesfear quotesmaking quotesmove quotesamalgam quotescolors quotescomparable quotesmortal quotesexperience quotesnatural quotesmutated quotespainfully quoteslush quotesiridescence quotesprism quotesfantastically quotescorrupted quotesform quotesrainbow quotesstaining quotessky quotespoison quotesdeluge quotesaurora quotespainting quotesdarkness quotesblaze quotesinsanity quotesburn quotesvigorously quotesshimmered quotesinsectjeweled quotesfrailness quotesactuality quotescolorfilled quoteseffusions quotesfeeble quotesmeans quotespartially quotesfixing quotesreality quotesuncommunicable quotesinitiated quotesresorting quotesmakeshift quotesgibberish quotesmystic quotesisolated quotesexperience quotesleft quoteslanguage quotesdescribe quotesdreaming quotesnortown quotes
We are only chance visitants to this jungle of blind mutations. The natural world existed when we did not, and it will continue to exist long after we are gone. The supernatural crept into life only when the door of consciousness was opened in our heads. The moment we stepped through that door, we walked out on nature. Say what we will about it and deny it till we die-we are blighted by our knowing what is too much to know and too secret to tell one another if we are to stride along our streets, work at our jobs, and sleep in our beds. It is the knowledge of a race of beings that is only passing through this shoddy cosmos.
chance quotesvisitants quotesjungle quotesblind quotesmutations quotesnatural quotesworld quotesexisted quotescontinue quotesexist quoteslong quotessupernatural quotescrept quoteslife quotesdoor quotesconsciousness quotesopened quotesheads quotesmoment quotesstepped quotesdoor quoteswalked quotesnature quotesdeny quotestill quotesdiewe quotesblighted quotesknowing quotessecret quotesstride quotesstreets quoteswork quotesjobs quotessleep quotesbeds quotesknowledge quotesrace quotesbeings quotespassing quotesshoddy quotescosmos quotes
As a fact, we cannot give suffering precedence in either our individual or collective lives. We have to get on with things, and those who give precedence to suffering will be left behind. They fetter us with their sniveling. We have someplace to go and must believe we can get there, wherever that may be. And to conceive that there is a 'brotherhood of suffering between everything alive' would disable us from getting anywhere. We are preoccupied with the good life, and step by step are working toward a better life. What we do, as a conscious species, is set markers for ourselves. Once we reach one marker, we advance to the next - as if we were playing a board game we think will never end, despite the fact that it will, like it or not. And if you are too conscious of not liking it, then you may conceive of yourself as a biological paradox that cannot live with its consciousness and cannot live without it. And in so living and not living, you take your place with the undead and the human puppet.
fact quotesgive quotessuffering quotesprecedence quotesindividual quotescollective quoteslives quotesthings quotesleft quotesfetter quotessniveling quotessomeplace quotesconceive quotesbrotherhood quotesalive quotesdisable quotespreoccupied quotesgood quoteslife quotesstep quotesworking quoteslife quotesconscious quotesspecies quotesset quotesmarkers quotesreach quotesmarker quotesadvance quotesplaying quotesboard quotesgame quotesend quotesfact quotesliking quotesbiological quotesparadox quoteslive quotesconsciousness quotesliving quotesliving quotesplace quotesundead quoteshuman quotespuppet quotes
A misbegotten hatchling of consciousness, a birth defect of our species, imagination is often revered as a sign of vigor in our make-up. But it is really just a psychic overcompensation for our impotence as beings. Denied nature's exemption from creativity, we are indentured servants of the imaginary until the hour of our death, when the final harassments of imagination will beset us.
misbegotten quoteshatchling quotesconsciousness quotesbirth quotesdefect quotesspecies quotesimagination quotesrevered quotessign quotesvigor quotesmakeup quotespsychic quotesovercompensation quotesimpotence quotesbeings quotesdenied quotesnatures quotesexemption quotescreativity quotesindentured quotesservants quotesimaginary quoteshour quotesdeath quotesfinal quotesharassments quotesbeset quotes
As survivors and procreators, we unravel stories that at their root are not dissimilar from the habitual behaviors seen in nature. But as beings who know they will die we digress into episodes and epics that are altogether dissociated from the natural world. We may isolate this awareness, distract ourselves from it, anchor our minds far from its shores, and sublimate it as a motif in our sagas. Yet at no time and in no place are we protected from being tapped on the shoulder and reminded, 'You're going to die, you know.' However much we try to ignore it, our consciousness haunts us with this knowledge. Our heads were baptized in the font of death; they are doused with the horror of moribundity.
survivors quotesprocreators quotesunravel quotesstories quotesroot quotesdissimilar quoteshabitual quotesbehaviors quotesnature quotesbeings quotesdie quotesdigress quotesepisodes quotesepics quotesaltogether quotesdissociated quotesnatural quotesworld quotesisolate quotesawareness quotesdistract quotesanchor quotesminds quotesshores quotessublimate quotesmotif quotessagas quotestime quotesplace quotesprotected quotestapped quotesshoulder quotesreminded quotesyoure quotesdie quotesknow quotesignore quotesconsciousness quoteshaunts quotesknowledge quotesheads quotesbaptized quotesfont quotesdeath quotesdoused quoteshorror quotesmoribundity quotes
We did not make ourselves, nor did we fashion a world that could not work without pain, and great pain at that, with a little pleasure, very little, to string us along-a world where all organisms are inexorably pushed by pain throughout their lives to do that which will improve their chances to survive and create more of themselves. Left unchecked, this process will last as long as a single cell remains palpitating in this cesspool of the solar system, this toilet of the galaxy. So why not lend a hand in nature's suicide? For want of a deity that could be held to account for a world in which there is terrible pain, let nature take the blame for our troubles. We did not create an environment uncongenial to our species, nature did. One would think that nature was trying to kill us off, or get us to suicide ourselves once the blunder of consciousness came upon us. What was nature thinking? We tried to anthropomorphize it, to romanticize it, to let it into our hearts. But nature kept its distance, leaving us to our own devices. So be it. Survival is a two-way street. Once we settle ourselves off-world, we can blow up this planet from outer space. It's the only way to be sure its stench will not follow us. Let it save itself if it can-the condemned are known for the acrobatics they will execute to wriggle out of their sentences. But if it cannot destroy what it has made, and what could possibly unmake it, then may it perish along with every other living thing it has introduced to pain.
make quotesfashion quotesworld quoteswork quotespain quotesgreat quotespain quotespleasure quotesstring quotesalonga quotesorganisms quotesinexorably quotespushed quoteslives quotesimprove quoteschances quotessurvive quotescreate quotesleft quotesunchecked quotesprocess quoteslong quotessingle quotescell quotesremains quotespalpitating quotescesspool quotessolar quotessystem quotestoilet quotesgalaxy quoteslend quoteshand quotesnatures quotessuicide quotesdeity quotesheld quotesaccount quotesterrible quotesnature quotesblame quotestroubles quotesenvironment quotesuncongenial quotesspecies quoteskill quotessuicide quotesblunder quotesconsciousness quotesthinking quotesanthropomorphize quotesromanticize quoteshearts quotesdistance quotesleaving quotesdevices quotessurvival quotestwoway quotesstreet quotessettle quotesoffworld quotesblow quotesplanet quotesouter quotesspace quotesstench quotesfollow quotessave quotescanthe quotescondemned quotesacrobatics quotesexecute quoteswriggle quotessentences quotesdestroy quotesmade quotespossibly quotesunmake quotesperish quotesliving quotesthing quotesintroduced quotespain quotes
I know in a way I never knew before that there is nowhere for me to go, nothing for me to do, and no one for me to know. The voice in my head keeps reciting these old principles of mine. The voice is his voice, and the voice is also my voice. And there are other voices, voices I have never heard before, voices that seem to be either dead or dying in a great moonlit darkness. More than ever, some sort of new arrangement seems in order, some dramatic and unknown arrangement - anything to find release from this heartbreaking sadness I suffer every minute of the day (and night), this killing sadness that feels as if it will never leave me no matter where I go or what I do or whom I may ever know.
knew quotesvoice quoteshead quotesreciting quotesprinciples quotesmine quotesvoice quotesvoice quotesvoices quotesvoices quotesheard quotesdead quotesdying quotesgreat quotesmoonlit quotesdarkness quotessort quotesarrangement quotesorder quotesdramatic quotesunknown quotesfind quotesrelease quotesheartbreaking quotessadness quotessuffer quotesminute quotesday quotesnight quoteskilling quotesfeels quotesleave quotesmatter quotes
The 'experimental' writer, then, is simply following the story's commands to the best of his human ability. The writer is not the story, the story is the story. See? Sometimes this is very hard to accept and sometimes too easy. On the one hand, there's the writer who can't face his fate: that the telling of a story has nothing at all to do with him; on the other hand, there's the one who faces it too well: that the telling of the story has nothing at all to do with him
The worst fear of the race yes, the world suddenly transformed into a senseless nightmare, horrible dissolution of things. Nothing compares, even oblivion is a sweet dream. You understand why, of course. Why this peculiar threat. These brooding psyches, all the busy minds everywhere. I hear them buzzing like flies in the blackness. I see them as glow worms flitting in the blackness. They are struggling, straining every second to keep the sky above them, to keep the sun in the sky, to keep the dead in the earth-to keep all things, so to speak, where they belong. What an undertaking! What a crushing task! Is it any wonder that they are all tempted by a universal vice, that in some dark street of the mind a single voice whispers to one and all, softly hissing, and says: 'Lay down your burden.' Then thoughts begin to drift, a mystical magnetism pulls them this way and that, faces start to change, shadows speak... sooner or later the sky comes down, melting like wax. But as you know, everything has not yet been lost: absolute terror has proved its security against this fate. Is it any wonder that these beings carry on the struggle at whatever cost?
worst quotesfear quotesrace quotesworld quotessuddenly quotestransformed quotessenseless quotesnightmare quoteshorrible quotesdissolution quotesthings quotescompares quotesoblivion quotessweet quotesdream quotesunderstand quotespeculiar quotesthreat quotesbrooding quotespsyches quotesbusy quotesminds quoteshear quotesbuzzing quotesflies quotesblackness quotesglow quotesworms quotesflitting quotesstruggling quotesstraining quotessky quotessun quotessky quotesdead quotesearthto quotesthings quotesspeak quotesbelong quotesundertaking quotescrushing quotestask quotestempted quotesuniversal quotesvice quotesdark quotesstreet quotesmind quotessingle quotesvoice quoteswhispers quotessoftly quoteshissing quoteslay quotesburden quotesthoughts quotesbegin quotesdrift quotesmystical quotesmagnetism quotespulls quotesfaces quotesstart quoteschange quotesshadows quotesspeak quotessooner quotesmelting quoteswax quoteslost quotesabsolute quotesterror quotesproved quotessecurity quotesfate quotesbeings quotescarry quotesstruggle quotescost quotes
We are aberrations-beings born undead, neither one thing nor another, or two things at once ... uncanny things that have nothing to do with the rest of creation, horrors that poison the world by sowing our madness everywhere we go, glutting daylight and darkness with incorporeal obscenities. From across an immeasurable divide, we brought the supernatural into all that is manifest. Like a faint haze it floats around us. We keep company with ghosts. Their graves are marked in our minds, and they will never be disinterred from the cemeteries of our remembrance. Our heartbeats are numbered, our steps counted. Even as we survive and reproduce, we know ourselves to be dying in a dark corner of infinity. Wherever we go, we know not what expects our arrival but only that it is there.
aberrationsbeings quotesborn quotesundead quotesthing quotesthings quotesuncanny quotesrest quotescreation quoteshorrors quotespoison quotesworld quotessowing quotesmadness quotesglutting quotesdaylight quotesdarkness quotesincorporeal quotesobscenities quotesimmeasurable quotesdivide quotesbrought quotessupernatural quotesmanifest quotesfaint quoteshaze quotesfloats quotescompany quotesghosts quotesgraves quotesmarked quotesminds quotesdisinterred quotescemeteries quotesremembrance quotesheartbeats quotesnumbered quotessteps quotescounted quotessurvive quotesreproduce quotesdying quotesdark quotescorner quotesinfinity quotesexpects quotesarrival quotes
If human pleasure did not have both a lid and a time limit, we would not bestir ourselves to do things that were not pleasurable, such as toiling for our subsistence. And then we would not survive. By the same token, should our mass mind ever become discontented with the restricted pleasures doled out by nature, as well as disgruntled over the lack of restrictions on pain, we would omit the mandates of survival from our lives out of a stratospherically acerbic indignation. And then we would not reproduce. As a species, we do not shout into the sky, 'The pleasures of this world are not enough for us.' In fact, they are just enough to drive us on like oxen pulling a cart full of our calves, which in their turn will put on the yoke. As inordinately evolved beings, though, we can postulate that it will not always be this way. 'A time will come, ' we say to ourselves, 'when we will unmake this world in which we are battered between long burden and brief delight, and will live in pleasure for all our days.' The belief in the possibility of long-lasting, high-flown pleasures is a deceptive but adaptive flimflam. It seems that nature did not make us to feel too good for too long, which would be no good for the survival of the species, but only to feel good enough for long enough to keep us from complaining that we do not feel good all the time.
human quotespleasure quoteslid quotestime quoteslimit quotesbestir quotesthings quotespleasurable quotestoiling quotessubsistence quotessurvive quotestoken quotesmass quotesmind quotesdiscontented quotesrestricted quotespleasures quotesdoled quotesnature quotesdisgruntled quoteslack quotesrestrictions quotespain quotesomit quotesmandates quotessurvival quoteslives quotesstratospherically quotesacerbic quotesindignation quotesreproduce quotesspecies quotesshout quotessky quotesthe quotesworld quotesus quotesfact quotesdrive quotesoxen quotespulling quotescart quotesfull quotescalves quotesturn quotesput quotesyoke quotesinordinately quotesevolved quotesbeings quotespostulate quotesa quotes quoteswhen quotesunmake quotesbattered quoteslong quotesburden quotesdelight quoteslive quotesdays quotesbelief quotespossibility quoteslonglasting quoteshighflown quotesdeceptive quotesadaptive quotesflimflam quotesnature quotesmake quotesfeel quotesgood quoteslong quotescomplaining quotestime quotes
This, then, is the ultimate, that is only, consolation: simply that someone shares some of your own feelings and has made of these a work of art which you have the insight, sensitivity, and - like it or not - peculiar set of experiences to appreciate. Amazing thing to say, the consolation of horror in art is that it actually intensifies our panic, loudens it on the sounding-board of our horror-hollowed hearts, turns terror up full blast, all the while reaching for that perfect and deafening amplitude at which we may dance to the bizarre music of our own misery.
ultimate quotesconsolation quotessimply quotesshares quotesfeelings quotesmade quoteswork quotesart quotesinsight quotessensitivity quotespeculiar quotesset quotesexperiences quotesamazing quotesthing quotesconsolation quoteshorror quotesintensifies quotespanic quotesloudens quotessoundingboard quoteshorrorhollowed quoteshearts quotesturns quotesterror quotesfull quotesblast quotesreaching quotesperfect quotesdeafening quotesamplitude quotesdance quotesbizarre quotesmusic quotesmisery quotes
It was an unusual sunset. Having sat behind opaque drapery all day, I had not realized that a storm was pushing in and that much of the sky was the precise shade of old suits of armor one finds in museums. At the same time, patches of brilliance engaged in a territorial dispute with the oncoming onyx of the storm. Light and darkness mingled in strange ways both above and below. Shadows and sunshine washed together, streaking the landscape with an unearthly study of glare and gloom. Bright clouds and black folded into each other in a no-man's land of the sky. The autumn trees took on the appearance of sculptures formed in a dream, their leaden-colored trunks and branches and iron-red leaves all locked in an infinite and unliving moment, unnaturally timeless. The gray lake slowly tossed and tumbled in a dead sleep, nudging unconsciously against its breakwall of numb stone. A scene of contradiction and ambivalence, a tragicomedic haze over all. A land of perfect twilight.
unusual quotessunset quotessat quotesopaque quotesdrapery quotesday quotesrealized quotesstorm quotespushing quotessky quotesprecise quotesshade quotessuits quotesarmor quotesfinds quotesmuseums quotestime quotespatches quotesbrilliance quotesengaged quotesterritorial quotesdispute quotesoncoming quotesonyx quotesstorm quoteslight quotesdarkness quotesmingled quotesstrange quotesways quotesshadows quotessunshine quoteswashed quotesstreaking quoteslandscape quotesunearthly quotesstudy quotesglare quotesgloom quotesbright quotesclouds quotesblack quotesfolded quotesnomans quotesland quotessky quotesautumn quotestrees quotesappearance quotessculptures quotesformed quotesdream quotesleadencolored quotestrunks quotesbranches quotesironred quotesleaves quoteslocked quotesinfinite quotesunliving quotesmoment quotesunnaturally quotestimeless quotesgray quoteslake quotesslowly quotestossed quotestumbled quotesdead quotessleep quotesnudging quotesunconsciously quotesbreakwall quotesnumb quotesstone quotesscene quotescontradiction quotesambivalence quotestragicomedic quoteshaze quotesperfect quotestwilight quotes
In supernatural horror stories, however, magical thinking is a completely different matter. Those characters contending with what seems to be the work of magic will deny till the very last moment that anything magical is going on. They will invoke reason and evidence and eek out corroborations for the cause of their problems. But readers of these stories are rarely, if ever, on the side of these characters. They desperately want to believe that there is indeed something magical going on and they are primed to accept it whenever it occurs. Some readers especially enjoy a story with bad magic, as it assures them that magic is confined to fiction and will not leak into their real lives. This is the most perverse form of magical thinking and the one least likely to be recognized as such.
supernatural quoteshorror quotesstories quotesmagical quotesthinking quotescompletely quotesmatter quotescharacters quotescontending quoteswork quotesmagic quotesdeny quotestill quotesmoment quotesinvoke quotesreason quotesevidence quoteseek quotescorroborations quotesproblems quotesreaders quotesstories quotesrarely quotesside quotescharacters quotesdesperately quotesprimed quotesaccept quotesoccurs quotesenjoy quotesstory quotesbad quotesmagic quotesassures quotesconfined quotesfiction quotesleak quotesreal quoteslives quotesperverse quotesform quotesrecognized quotes
Compassion for human hurt, a humble sense of our impermanence, an absolute valuation of justice-all of our so-called virtues only trouble us and serve to bolster, not assuage, horror. In addition, these qualities are our least vital, the least in line with life. More often than not, they stand in the way of one's rise in the welter of this world, which found its pace long ago and has not deviated from it since. The putative affirmations of life-each of them based on the propaganda of Tomorrow: reproduction, revolution in its widest sense, piety in any form you can name-are only affirmations of our desires. And, in fact, these affirmations affirm nothing but our penchant for self-torment, our mania to preserve a demented innocence in the face of gruesome facts. By means of supernatural horror we may evade, if momentarily, the horrific reprisals of affirmation. Every one of us, having been stolen from nonexistence, opens his eyes on the world and looks down the road at a few convulsions and a final obliteration. What a weird scenario. So why affirm anything, why make a pathetic virtue of a terrible necessity? We are destined to a fool's fate that deserves to be mocked. And since there is no one else around to do the mocking, we will take on the job. So let us indulge in cruel pleasures against ourselves and our pretensions, let us delight in the Cosmic Macabre. At least we may send up a few bitter laughs into the cobwebbed corners of this crusty old universe.
compassion quoteshuman quoteshurt quoteshumble quotessense quotesimpermanence quotesabsolute quotesvaluation quotesjusticeall quotessocalled quotesvirtues quotestrouble quotesserve quotesbolster quotesassuage quoteshorror quotesaddition quotesqualities quotesvital quotesline quoteslife quotesstand quotesones quotesrise quoteswelter quotesworld quotesfound quotespace quoteslong quotesago quotesdeviated quotesputative quotesaffirmations quoteslifeeach quotesbased quotespropaganda quotestomorrow quotesreproduction quotesrevolution quoteswidest quotessense quotespiety quotesform quotesnameare quotesdesires quotesfact quotesaffirm quotespenchant quotesselftorment quotesmania quotespreserve quotesdemented quotesinnocence quotesface quotesgruesome quotesfacts quotesmeans quotessupernatural quoteshorror quotesevade quotesmomentarily quoteshorrific quotesreprisals quotesaffirmation quotesstolen quotesnonexistence quotesopens quoteseyes quotesworld quotesroad quotesconvulsions quotesfinal quotesobliteration quotesweird quotesscenario quotesmake quotespathetic quotesvirtue quotesterrible quotesnecessity quotesdestined quotesfools quotesfate quotesdeserves quotesmocked quotesmocking quotesjob quotesindulge quotescruel quotespleasures quotespretensions quotesdelight quotescosmic quotesmacabre quotessend quotesbitter quoteslaughs quotescobwebbed quotescorners quotescrusty quotesuniverse quotes
When I first read Lovecraft around 1971, and even more so when I began to read about his life, I immediately knew that I wanted to write horror stories. I had read Arthur Machen before I read Lovecraft, and I didn't have that reaction at all. It was what I sensed in Lovecraft's works and what I learned about his myth as the 'recluse of Providence' that made me think, 'That's for me!' I already had a grim view of existence, so there was no problem there. I was and am agoraphobic, so being reclusive was a snap. The only challenge was whether or not I could actually write horror stories. So I studied fiction writing and wrote every day for years and years until I started to get my stories accepted by small press magazines. I'm not comparing myself to Lovecraft as a person or as a writer, but the rough outline of his life gave me something to aspire to. I don't know what would have become of me if I hadn't discovered Lovecraft.
read quoteslovecraft quotes1971 quotesbegan quoteslife quotesimmediately quotesknew quoteswanted quoteswrite quoteshorror quotesstories quotesarthur quotesmachen quoteslovecraft quotesreaction quotessensed quoteslovecrafts quotesworks quoteslearned quotesmyth quotesrecluse quotesprovidence quotesmade quotesthats quotesme quotesgrim quotesview quotesexistence quotesproblem quotesagoraphobic quotesreclusive quotessnap quoteschallenge quotesstudied quotesfiction quoteswriting quoteswrote quotesday quotesyears quotesstarted quotesstories quotesaccepted quotessmall quotespress quotesmagazines quotescomparing quotesperson quoteswriter quotesrough quotesoutline quoteslife quotesgave quotesaspire quotesdiscovered quoteslovecraft quotes
Quinn seemed to have become one of a jaded philosophical society, a group of arcane deviates. Their raison d'etre was a kind of mystical masochism, forcing initiates toward feats of occult daredevilry - "glimpsing the inferno with eyes of ice", to take from the notebook a phrase that was repeated often and seemed a sort of chant of power. As I suspected, hallucinogenic drugs were used by the sect, and there was no doubt that they believed themselves communing with strange metaphysical venues. Their chief aim, in true mystical fashion, was to transcend common reality in the search for higher states of being, but their stratagem was highly unorthodox, a strange detour along the usual path toward positive illumination. Instead, they maintained a kind of blasphemous fatalism, a doomed determinism which brought them face to face with realms of obscure horror. Perhaps it was this very obscurity that allowed them the excitement of their central purpose, which seemed to be a precarious flirting with personal apocalypse, the striving for horrific dominion over horror itself. ("The Dreaming In Nortown")
quinn quotesjaded quotesphilosophical quotessociety quotesgroup quotesarcane quotesdeviates quotesraison quotesdetre quoteskind quotesmystical quotesmasochism quotesforcing quotesinitiates quotesfeats quotesoccult quotesdaredevilry quotesglimpsing quotesinferno quoteseyes quotesice quotesnotebook quotesphrase quotesrepeated quotessort quoteschant quotespower quotessuspected quoteshallucinogenic quotesdrugs quotessect quotesdoubt quotesbelieved quotescommuning quotesstrange quotesmetaphysical quotesvenues quoteschief quotesaim quotestrue quotesfashion quotestranscend quotescommon quotesreality quotessearch quoteshigher quotesstates quotesstratagem quoteshighly quotesunorthodox quotesdetour quotesusual quotespath quotespositive quotesillumination quotesmaintained quotesblasphemous quotesfatalism quotesdoomed quotesdeterminism quotesbrought quotesface quotesrealms quotesobscure quoteshorror quotesobscurity quotesallowed quotesexcitement quotescentral quotespurpose quotesprecarious quotesflirting quotespersonal quotesapocalypse quotesstriving quoteshorrific quotesdominion quoteshorror quotesdreaming quotesnortown quotes
METAPHYSICAL LECTURE 1 It has been said that after undergoing certain ordeals - whether ecstatic or abysmal - we should be obliged to change our names, as we are no longer who we once were. Instead the opposite rule is applied: our names linger long after anything resembling what we were, or thought we were, has disappeared entirely. Not that there was ever much to begin with - only a few questionable memories and impulses drifting about like snowflakes in a gray and endless winter. But each soon floats down and settles into a cold and nameless void.
metaphysical quoteslecture quotes1 quotesundergoing quotesordeals quotesecstatic quotesabysmal quotesobliged quoteschange quotesnames quoteslonger quotesopposite quotesrule quotesapplied quotesnames quoteslinger quoteslong quotesresembling quotesthought quotesdisappeared quotesbegin quotesquestionable quotesmemories quotesimpulses quotesdrifting quotessnowflakes quotesgray quotesendless quoteswinter quotesfloats quotessettles quotescold quotesnameless quotesvoid quotes
What makes a nightmare nightmarish is the sense that something is happening that should not be. While nightmares are the most convenient reference point for this sense of the impossible, the unthinkable, as something that is actually happening, it is not restricted to our sleeping hours.
As a survival-happy species, our successes are calculated in the number of years we have extended our lives, with the reduction of suffering being only incidental to this aim. To stay alive under almost any circumstances is a sickness with us. Nothing could be more unhealthy than to "watch one's health" as a means of stalling death. The lengths we will go as procrastinators of that last gasp only demonstrate a morbid dread of that event. By contrast, our fear of suffering is deficient.
survivalhappy quotesspecies quotessuccesses quotescalculated quotesnumber quotesyears quotesextended quoteslives quotesreduction quotessuffering quotesincidental quotesaim quotesstay quotesalive quotescircumstances quotessickness quotesunhealthy quoteswatch quotesones quoteshealth quotesmeans quotesstalling quotesdeath quoteslengths quotesprocrastinators quotesgasp quotesdemonstrate quotesmorbid quotesdread quotesevent quotescontrast quotesfear quotesdeficient quotes
No other life forms know they are alive, and neither do they know they will die. This is our curse alone. Without this hex upon our heads, we would never have withdrawn as far as we have from the natural""so far and for such a time that it is a relief to say what we have been trying with our all not to say: We have long since been denizens of the natural world. Everywhere around us are natural habitats, but within us is the shiver of startling and dreadful things. Simply put: We are not from here. If we vanished tomorrow, no organism on this planet would miss us. Nothing in nature needs us.
life quotesforms quotesalive quotesdie quotescurse quoteshex quotesheads quoteswithdrawn quotesnaturalso quotestime quotesrelief quoteslong quotesdenizens quotesnatural quotesworld quoteshabitats quotesshiver quotesstartling quotesdreadful quotesthings quotessimply quotesput quotesvanished quotestomorrow quotesorganism quotesplanet quotesmiss quotesnature quotes
A: There is no grand scheme of things. B: If there were a grand scheme of things, the fact "" the fact "" that we are not equipped to perceive it, either by natural or supernatural means, is a nightmarish obscenity. C: The very notion of a grand scheme of things is a nightmarish obscenity.
But even if ego-death is regarded as the optimum model for human existence, one of liberation from ourselves, it still remains a compromise with being, a concession to the blunder of creation itself. We should be able to do better, and we can. To have our egos killed off is second-best to killing off death and all the squalid byplay that flitters around it. So let all lands be small, and grower smaller and smaller until no lands are left where any human footstep need press itself upon the earth.
egodeath quotesregarded quotesoptimum quotesmodel quoteshuman quotesexistence quotesliberation quotesremains quotescompromise quotesconcession quotesblunder quotescreation quotesegos quoteskilled quotessecondbest quoteskilling quotesdeath quotessqualid quotesbyplay quotesflitters quoteslands quotessmall quotesgrower quotessmaller quotesleft quotesfootstep quotespress quotesearth quotes
Personally, I'm afraid of suffering and afraid of dying. I'm also afraid of witnessing the suffering and death of those who are close to me. And no doubt I project these fears on those around me and those to come, which makes it impossible for me to understand why everyone isn't an antinatalist, just as I have to assume pronatalists can't understand why everyone isn't like them.
The company that employed me strived only to serve up the cheapest fare that the customer would tolerate, churn it out as fast as possible, and charge as much as they could get away with. If it were possible to do so, the company would sell what all businesses of its kind dream about selling, creating that which all of our efforts were tacitly supposed to achieve: the ultimate product -- Nothing. And for this product they would command the ultimate price -- Everything.
company quotesemployed quotesstrived quotesserve quotescheapest quotesfare quotescustomer quotestolerate quoteschurn quotesfast quotescharge quotessell quotesbusinesses quoteskind quotesdream quotesselling quotescreating quotesefforts quotestacitly quotessupposed quotesachieve quotesultimate quotesproduct quotescommand quotesprice quotes
Nature proceeds by blunders; that is its way. It is also ours. So if we have blundered by regarding consciousness as a blunder, why make a fuss over it? Our self-removal from this planet would still be a magnificent move, a feat so luminous it would bedim the sun. What do we have to lose? No evil would attend our departure from this world, and the many evils we have known would go extinct along with us. So why put off what would be the most laudable masterstroke of our existence, and the only one?
nature quotesproceeds quotesblunders quotesblundered quotesconsciousness quotesblunder quotesmake quotesfuss quotesselfremoval quotesplanet quotesmagnificent quotesmove quotesfeat quotesluminous quotesbedim quotessun quoteslose quotesevil quotesattend quotesdeparture quotesworld quotesevils quotesextinct quotesput quoteslaudable quotesmasterstroke quotesexistence quotes
My imagination? No, I don't think it's VIVID at all. On the contrary, it's not nearly potent enough. My poor imaginative faculties have always needed...extentions. That's why I'm here with you. You're smiling again, or rather you're SMIRKING. Funny word, smirk. Rather like an extraterrestrial surname. Simon Smirk. How do you think that sounds?
To be sane, he held, was either to be sedated by melancholy or activated by hysteria, two responses which were 'always and equally warranted for those of sound insight'. All others were irrational, merely symptoms of imaginations left idle, of memories out of work. And above these mundane responses, the only elevation allowable, the only valid transcendence, was a sardonic one: a bliss that annihilated the universe with jeers of dark joy, a mindful ecstasy. Anything else in the way of 'mysticism' was a sign of deviation or distraction, and a heresy to the obvious. ("The Medusa")
sane quotesheld quotessedated quotesmelancholy quotesactivated quoteshysteria quotesresponses quotesalways quotesequally quoteswarranted quotessound quotesinsight quotesirrational quotessymptoms quotesimaginations quotesleft quotesidle quotesmemories quoteswork quotesmundane quotesresponses quoteselevation quotesallowable quotesvalid quotestranscendence quotessardonic quotesbliss quotesannihilated quotesuniverse quotesjeers quotesdark quotesjoy quotesmindful quotesecstasy quotesmysticism quotessign quotesdeviation quotesdistraction quotesheresy quotesobvious quotesmedusa quotes
As for procreation, no one in his right mind would say that it is the only activity devoid of a praiseworthy incentive. Those who reproduce, then, should not feel unfairly culled as the worst conspirators against the human race. Every one of us is culpable in keeping the conspiracy alive, which is all right with most people.
For optimists, human life never needs justification, no matter how much hurt piles up, because they can always tell themselves that things will get better. For pessimists, there is no amount of happiness""should such a thing as happiness even obtain for human beings except as a misconception""that can compensate us for life's hurt.
As history confirms, people will change their minds about almost anything, from which god they worship to how they style their hair. But when it comes to existential judgments, human beings in general have an unfalteringly good opinion of themselves and their condition in this world and are steadfastly confident they are not a collection of self-conscious nothings.
history quotesconfirms quotespeople quoteschange quotesminds quotesgod quotesworship quotesstyle quoteshair quotesexistential quotesjudgments quoteshuman quotesbeings quotesgeneral quotesunfalteringly quotesgood quotesopinion quotescondition quotesworld quotessteadfastly quotesconfident quotescollection quotesselfconscious quotesnothings quotes