W. C. Fields Quotes

Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Categories: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
if-at-first-you-dont-succeed-try-try-again-then-quit-theres-no-point-in-being-a-damn-fool-about-it
never-try-to-impress-a-woman-because-if-you-do-shell-expect-you-to-keep-up-the-standard-for-the-rest-of-your-life
i-am-free-of-all-prejudices-i-hate-everyone-equally
when-we-have-lost-everything-including-hope-life-becomes-a-disgrace-and-death-a-duty
the-best-cure-for-insomnia-is-to-get-a-lot-of-sleep
set-up-another-case-bartender-the-best-thing-for-a-case-of-nerves-is-a-case-of-scotch
i-cook-with-wine-sometimes-i-even-add-it-to-the-food
once-during-prohibition-i-was-forced-to-live-for-days-on-nothing-but-food-and-water
start-every-day-off-with-a-smile-and-get-it-over-with
a-rich-man-is-nothing-but-a-poor-man-with-money
there-comes-a-time-in-the-affairs-of-man-when-he-must-take-the-bull-by-the-tail-and-face-the-situation
it-aint-what-they-call-you-its-what-you-answer-to
philadelphia-wonderful-town-spent-week-there-one-night-w-c-fields
i-spent-half-my-money-on-gambling-alcohol-wild-women-the-other-half-i-wasted-w-c-fields
i-like-thieves-some-my-best-friends-are-thieves-why-just-last-week-we-had-president-bank-over-for-dinner-w-c-fields
its-funny-old-world-mans-lucky-if-he-gets-out-it-alive-w-c-fields
it-aint-what-they-call-you-its-what-you-answer-to-w-c-fields
never-cry-over-spilt-milk-because-it-may-have-been-poisoned-w-c-fields
happiness-means-quiet-nerves-w-c-fields
sleep-most-beautiful-experience-in-life-except-drink-w-c-fields
the-nation-needs-to-return-to-colonial-way-life-when-wife-was-judged-by-amount-wood-she-could-split-w-c-fields
ive-been-drunk-only-once-in-my-life-but-that-lasted-for-twentythree-years-w-c-fields
ive-never-struck-woman-in-my-life-not-even-my-own-mother-w-c-fields
if-i-had-to-live-my-life-over-id-live-over-saloon-w-c-fields
i-never-smoked-cigar-in-my-life-until-i-was-nine-w-c-fields
marry-outdoors-woman-then-if-you-throw-her-out-into-yard-on-cold-night-she-can-still-survive-w-c-fields
in-ten-years-since-i-had-run-away-from-homei-had-gone-through-more-strange-experiences-than-average-person-crowds-into-whole-lifetime-w-c-fields
hollywood-is-gold-cap-on-tooth-that-should-have-been-pulled-out-years-ago-w-c-fields
i-personally-stay-away-from-natural-foods-at-my-age-i-need-all-preservatives-i-can-get-w-c-fields
scotch-needs-water-like-fish-needs-bicycle-w-c-fields
a-man-without-woman-is-like-neck-without-pain-w-c-fields
never-work-with-animals-children-w-c-fields
anyone-who-hates-children-animals-cant-be-all-bad-w-c-fields
variant-i-was-driven-to-drink-by-woman-i-am-forever-grateful-yet-i-never-had-good-manners-to-thank-her-w-c-fields
i-only-drink-to-steady-my-nerves-sometimes-im-steady-i-dont-move-for-months-w-c-fields
all-englishmen-talk-as-if-theyve-got-bushel-plums-stuck-in-their-throats-then-after-swallowing-them-get-constipated-from-pips-w-c-fields
it-was-marriage-convenience-as-my-father-had-blister-on-his-big-toe-couldnt-travel-far-to-find-girl-w-c-fields
in-every-big-city-there-is-always-one-surefire-laugh-that-lies-in-hanging-some-piece-idiocy-upon-people-nearby-city-town-w-c-fields
children-should-neither-be-seen-heard-from-ever-again-w-c-fields
i-note-derogatory-rumors-concerning-use-alcoholic-stimulants-lavish-living-it-is-penalty-greatness-w-c-fields
the-only-thing-lawyer-wont-question-is-legitimacy-his-mother-w-c-fields
when-asked-to-borrow-money-ill-see-what-my-lawyer-says-and-if-he-says-yes-ill-get-another-lawyer-w-c-fields
dentists-lawyers-doctors-are-all-bunch-thieving-bastards-w-c-fields
a-comic-should-suffer-as-much-over-single-line-as-man-with-hernia-would-in-picking-up-heavy-barbell-w-c-fields
when-doctors-undertakers-meet-they-wink-at-each-other-w-c-fields
if-pigs-had-wings-they-would-be-pigeons-w-c-fields
i-dont-drink-water-have-you-seen-way-it-rusts-pipes-w-c-fields
no-man-is-boss-his-own-house-but-he-can-make-up-for-it-he-thinks-by-making-dog-play-dead-w-c-fields
thou-shalt-not-covet-thy-neighbors-house-unless-they-have-wellstocked-bar-w-c-fields
i-have-poor-memory-for-names-but-i-seldom-remember-face-w-c-fields
business-is-establishment-that-gives-you-legal-even-though-unethical-right-to-screw-naiveright-left-in-middle-w-c-fields
there-are-only-two-real-ways-to-get-ahead-today-sell-liquor-drink-it-w-c-fields
i-was-in-love-with-beautiful-blonde-once-she-drove-me-to-drink-thats-one-thing-im-indebted-to-her-for-w-c-fields
the-twoheaded-boy-in-circus-never-had-such-headache-w-c-fields
trust-everybody-but-cut-cards-yourself-w-c-fields
what-gorgeous-day-what-effulgent-sunshine-it-was-day-this-sort-mcgillicuddy-brothers-murdered-their-mother-with-ax-w-c-fields
the-punkwat-twins-brentwood-is-worlds-smallest-giant-whilst-his-brother-elwood-is-largest-midget-in-world-they-baffle-science-w-c-fields
i-could-juggle-anything-in-my-day-balls-cigar-boxes-knivesbut-there-was-one-thing-i-could-never-juggle-my-income-tax-w-c-fields
first-prize-was-week-in-philadelphia-second-prize-was-two-weeks-w-c-fields
i-could-be-stranded-in-any-town-in-united-states-with-ten-cents-within-hour-make-20-with-shell-game-w-c-fields
take-me-down-to-bar-well-drink-breakfast-together-w-c-fields
where-there-is-will-theres-prosperity-around-corner-w-c-fields
thou-shalt-not-take-name-lord-thy-god-in-vain-unless-youve-used-up-all-other-fourletter-words-w-c-fields
yes-i-do-like-children-girl-childrenabout-eighteen-twenty-w-c-fields
theres-no-such-thing-as-tough-child-if-you-parboil-them-first-for-seven-hours-they-always-come-out-tender-w-c-fields
i-didnt-say-meat-was-tough-i-said-i-didnt-see-horse-that-is-usually-outside-w-c-fields
never-eat-at-place-called-moms-but-if-only-other-place-in-town-has-sign-that-says-eats-go-back-to-moms-w-c-fields
thou-shalt-not-stealonly-from-other-comedians-w-c-fields
all-my-available-funds-are-completely-tied-up-in-cash-w-c-fields
during-one-my-treks-through-afghanistan-we-lost-our-corkscrew-we-were-compelled-to-live-on-food-water-for-several-days-w-c-fields
the-clever-cat-eats-cheese-breathes-down-rat-holes-with-baited-breath-w-c-fields
always-carry-flagon-whiskey-in-case-snakebite-furthermore-always-carry-small-snake-w-c-fields
alcoholic-anybody-who-drinks-more-than-i-do-w-c-fields
there-is-not-man-in-america-who-has-not-had-secret-ambition-to-boot-infant-w-c-fields
this-job-will-drive-me-to-drink-for-that-reason-i-will-be-eternally-grateful-w-c-fields
now-dont-say-you-cant-swear-off-drinking-its-easy-ive-done-it-thousand-times-w-c-fields
i-feel-like-midget-with-muddy-feet-had-been-walking-over-my-tongue-all-night-w-c-fields
if-you-cant-dazzle-them-with-brilliance-baffle-them-with-bull
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