It's absolutely hard. You know..to let go, and decide to jump into the uncertainty of the future with another... It's hard when you give them everything you have ever had to offer.. and they become a damn tornado and destroy everything they swore they would always treasure. They slowly but surely poison everything within you, as their lips drip with lies as they whisper they love you. So you fight every single emotion of regret and force yourself to remove the old blind fold you placed upon your mind and heart to stick around with a person who is less than a sad excuse of a lover. You find within you words that you thought of late at night but never dared to say... " I can't do this anymore. Goodbye." and although at that very moment you feel like everything you had disappeared. You being to move on... You begin to heal... You begin to live again. and you fight and you fight to remove that person still hanging onto your foot like an anchor, waiting to drown you in your past. and at the end you realize that they're really the ones who got the raw end of the deal... You let go of someone who didn't even love themselves, while they lost you.
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As we get older life changes with the seasons. We go through the good as we fall with the bad. We learn from our mistakes as we make more. We fail and we succeed. We gain and we lose. Sometimes we feel so lost that we are unsure as to where we stand, we get curious about our purpose and we start to doubt everything around us. We get so frustrated that we begin to wish for answers and a clear sign. Yet nothing happens... We then lose sight of the things that are really important such as family, true friendships and above all Our Lord. But maybe nothing is happening because we wish instead of pray. We need to remember that God is Our Father. Demand things from Him. He wants to help us it's His duty to. and remember that when things don't go the way you want them to, it's because He has greater plans. Sometimes you have to let go and let God.
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I ran into him, in the most unexpected place. I looked into his eyes and I see everything clearly now. You were so anxious to move on because you were afraid. You were afraid to feel loneliness creep up inside you like a never ending sickness. You were afraid to feel intoxicated by the summer air we once inhaled together with love. You were afraid to wake up feeling small. See because when we were together you were a part of something bigger than words could explain. Yet strangers walking down the street saw it glowing off of our skin. You were afraid... you were a coward. A simple coward who awakened dreams within a woman, that you couldn't help her reach. A lost soul now looking for comfort within fast forward time. You were afraid, afraid of what it's like to be surrounded by hundreds of people yet being absolutely alone.
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The more that you come back the more that I'm engulfed by a large cloud of hatred. Every memory we ever created becomes bitter as you live a double life of destructiveness. You've been the author to a twisted novel since the moment that we parted ways. While you're in front of the camera you advertise a fresh start... a bright beginning with new found adoration. Yet behind the scenes your purpose is to run through me internally, seeking to poison me with your absence; sickening my emotions with your melodies of regret. Yet according to your reviews I'm the one that's losing my mind, going crazy for the past that I let slip from my hands... While in reality you're the sad individual who's lost in the dark, lacking happiness in both worlds that you've decided to live in. Keep going. Fake it. Fake it until you feel half of what I made you feel when you're eyes were closed yet soul wide open, ready to show me the deepest, darkest parts of your being that nobody had ever been brave enough to explore. Keep going until it's all that you've ever wanted... because your ghost no longer follows me endlessly and my skin no longer remembers your touch. I no longer crave the flawed love, you serenaded my desires with. Room for you... within me, no longer exists. I promise you that no matter how hard you try to remove me from pieces of your heart that have been consumed by my presence... I'll never be fully gone... Because I was the origin of your heart beat. Run. Keep running with time because in the past, the only thing that held us together was my stupidity and run even faster now, because in me... Your memory has been set on fire, and reduced to ashes. || I No Longer Live in A World Where You Exist.
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The last words that you said to me before our lives went different ways were filled with anger & betrayal... They were, " You never really loved me." Oh my dear, don't be an idiot. I loved you, I adored you... But what was I supposed to do when you didn't love yourself? What was I supposed to do when you didn't see the potential I saw every time that I looked into your eyes? What was I supposed to do, when you would go up in flames with anger, and all I wanted to do was hold you? What was I supposed to do when all I wanted was to be loved and appreciated the same way? What was I supposed to do when all I needed was a man to want to be as successful as I do someday? Oh my dear, don't be an idiot. I loved you, I adored you... But what was I supposed to do when you didn't love yourself? What was I supposed to do when I fought and you fought the other way? I left... not because love decided to get up and walk away one day. I left because how was I suppose to receive the love that I deserved from a man who still didn't love himself? Oh my dear, don't be an idiot. I loved you, I adored you... But what was I supposed to do when you didn't love yourself?
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As humans we crave to discover the purest love that sends us to a beautiful dimension of passion. But throughout the awaiting of something so mesmerizing we tend to forget that the journey starts with us. You must make peace with the past and accept the damages made towards your heart, so that you can heal and accept the scars left behind. and somehow still find a way to love every single inch of yourself. Before you let go and slip away into a daze of adoration, you need to learn how to be alone. You must get comfortable being by yourself, or else you will never know if you're choosing someone out of love or simply out of loneliness. You must accept your downfalls in order to grow as a person. and in order to prepare for an ever lasting trance of ecstasy." -YjP
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I think that the hardest thing you will ever come to understand is that you were not IN LOVE with the person that you spend years of your life with. You loved them, but you weren't in love with them... & then the strangest clarity comes when you meet someone special... you come to understand why it didn't workout with anyone else.
From the beginning I knew, you had a temporary spot in my life. I kept you close enough, to erase a past nightmare. Yet far enough to keep you from planting your roots. As I was spiraling into lust, you were falling in love. Don't get me wrong, our connection was real. Everything about you made me feel like you were Mr. Perfect. But I pushed away, because I'm not ready for something long lasting. I knew it was time to stop all the masking. Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time. In another life I'd probably take it in a flip of a dime. But the moment has come, where I must say my goodbyes. You made me feel on top of the world, but I wasn't ready. I wanna thank you for the light that you provided, but my life is still very undecided. -YjP
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